Ford Blimp Crashes into Crowd at Portland Trail Blazers Game

Corporations are finding new and exciting ways to get closer to you than you'd ever be comfortable with.

It starts with a pizza chain digging into your subconscious for topping orders and ends with an automobile company driving a flying car blimp into your face.

This happened Thursday night to fans taking in the Portland Trail Blazers game against the Indiana Pacers. The disturbance began when an inflatable Ford SUV blimp malfunctioned and began dragging its rubbery undercarriage over the scalps of helpless spectators.

Witnesses allege that the blimp's engine failed (huzzah reliability!), and stadium personnel struggled mightily in rectifying the situation.

After leaving untold spectators with severe cases of static hair, the blimp was eventually wedged through one of the Moda Center tunnels. The blimp's handlers did not deflate the vessel, as that would've rendered it impossible to maneuver.

The Blazers went on to win the game 88-82. They did it for the blimp, and all those affected by its tragic descent.

Trail Blazers officials said after the game that the blimp's status remains unknown but potentially dire.

It's a long road back from a broken engine, guys—weeks, if not months.

The Trail Blazers will have to find a way to win without their nebulous corporate sponsor in the sky. Whether that means getting increased production out of their T-shirt cannons or the short-term signing of a free-agent hot air balloon, it's hard to say.

Blimpin' ain't easy.

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