The Ten Commandments Of Sports

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The Ten Commandments Of Sports
(Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)

Ive been a sports fan for a while now. I’ve seen the ups and the downs. I’ve also seen the disgusting. The people who should have their ticket ripped from their hands and given to the 15-year old who can’t afford what the scalper is asking. So I decided to compile 10 rules that should be enlisted in all stadiums. Here they are:

 

1st Commandment: Thou Shall Not Jump Bandwagons

You know the guy. He’s got a Jordan jersey, Yankees hat, Redwings jersey, and has "always" liked the team that’s winning. For the women reading this (I’m sure that’s a total of zero) make sure you stay clear of these guys. They are not respectable and their actions are inexcusable.

Sports are a marriage. Through sickness and in health. So while their team is struggling for a few years this guy decides to cheat on them with the Patriots. Real smooth slick. But the fact is your a fraud. Nothing is worse than a bandwagon hopper.

People may not agree with the team you root for but if you are with them through thick and think you will gain their respect. And becoming a hopper isn’t a way to do that. A guy who jumps bandwagons is a guy who will cheat on you with your sister...Kinda like Martin Brodeur.

 

2nd Commandment: Thou Shall Know Their Team, The History, The Future    

There is a really annoying occurrence i find while talking sports with strangers. There are a lot of die-hards that don’t know anything about the team. Don’t know the history. Barely know the current players. 

Definitely don’t know the farm system. I always make the argument that if you see a movie 50 times. And you really aren’t paying attention to it. You will still pick up quotes from said movie. So if you’re really a "die hard" you should watch every game.

This will give you insight on the history, current team, and the future. It’s not hard to learn this. If i had a seven year old watch every single Philadelphia Flyers game they, by the end of the season, should be able to sound of the roster. If you’re going to take time to call yourself a "die hard" take even more time to actually become one. Because saying you’re a die-hard of a team and actually being one are really complete opposites.

 

3rd Commandment: Thou Shall Not Leave Until Completion of Game

When you go to a movie that is an hour and a half. Do you stay for only 70 minutes and say "Hey I’m pretty sure they catch the killer....Lets beat traffic" Real sports fans know that there is nothing less predictable then sports.

I saw the Philadelphia Phillies come back from a seven run deficit to beat the New York Mets in extra innings. I saw this in a half empty stadium because half the "fans" decided the game was over.

There’s a whole lot of Buffalo Bills fans who DIDN'T see Frank Reich lead the Bills back in the greatest comeback of all time against the Oilers. They didn’t think the Bills would win. Even if your team is getting blown out Real fans stay. Through thick and thin. The worst are at baseball games.

Team will be down by a run and they leave in the BOTTOM of the ninth. When the team has a chance to win. You paid for a full game so stay for a full game. I mean what pressing issue are you running too at 10:42at night? 

You expected to see the entire game so don’t leave early. Because chances are if they were winning by three, you would stay. So stay when they’re losing by three and support the team

 

4th Commandment: Thou Shall Not Go Up the Isle during A Game

"And the 3-2 pitch" What happened you ask? Well the reason you’re asking is because you couldn’t see what happened. Because Brad, who’s wearing the Hollister shirt and a hat that of neither team playing, decided he would go for a beer run. Making everyone in the isle get up. Which blocked your view. Don’t be a dick. Wait until a stoppage of play.

 

5th Commandment: Thou Shall Not Start The Wave

This is really only a problem in baseball. And from what I’ve seen of late its usually started by your good friend Brad and his buddies from commandment 4. They stand up...usually during a pretty important time in the game.....and proclaim "HEY EVERYONE WHERE GOING TO START THE WAVE....ITS GOING THAT WAY ONE TWO THREE" And it’s begun.

Sweeping the stadium like a bad disease it grows bigger and bigger. Each time you hope it dies. Because you, as a fan, realize what they fail too.....ITS THAT THERE'S A GAME GOING ON. I find it extremely offensive to the teams that you are so bored by their play on the field that you want to make yourself look like the ocean. It’s not the 1980's.

We aren’t in Dodger Stadium; Fernando Mania isn’t coursing through our veins. You just look like a jackass who couldn’t give a rat’s ass about the game.

 

6th Commandment: No Chants Of Other Teams In The City You Are In   

For all of you who haven’t ever been to a Phillies game this used to be a huge problem. In the middle of a Phillies game Brad and his friends are at it again. Their quest for attention has led them to chant their battle cry. "E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!"

Look I’m from Philly and love the Eagles. But if you are chanting EAGLES in July when the only activity going on is practice with no pads you just look like a douche bag. What this says about you is "I’m such a hardcore Eagles fan that I’m thinking about them at a Phillies game".

It’s especially bad now considering that the Phillies, not the Eagles, broke the curse in the city of brotherly love. So please. Don’t do Eagles chants. Because no Eagles player is in your section and he isn’t going to come up and thank you for your support if he even was in your section. Don’t be an asshole. Chant Phillies at a Phillies game. Eagles at and Eagles game.

 

7th Commandment: If You Bring A Girl To A Game....Make Sure She Knows SOMETHING

Worst thing at a game is a Slutley. It’s the girl that wears an Utley shirt and knows absolutely NOTHING about the player. Even worse is the guy that brought her in a pathetic attempt to get laid. She doesn’t cheer through the entire game.....UNTIL the hot player comes up to bat.

Whereupon she goes nuts. And the guy ends up spending the entire game trying to prove to her that he knows sports. Yea because guys get laid all the time based on their sports knowledge. By all means bring a girl to the game. But bring one that’s an actual fan. If not bring a friend. Or just sell the damn ticket.

 

8th Commandment: Thou Shall Not have Personalized Shirts Or Jerseys

Jersey shirts cost $20. Even in this economy you can afford that. So the argument that "Well i pay for the shirt and have it forever and I don’t have to worry about the player being traded. I understand that jerseys are expensive but for football, where player T shirts aren’t popular, try the throwback jersey. Same goes for basketball. Its $20.Thats one lap dance.

 

9th Commandment: Thou Shall Show Up On Time

I take public transportation to the games most of the time. So on occasion i even break this rule. But the people I’m talking about are guys who are too busy in the parking lot getting trashed. They show up with terrible insults and are stumbling all over the place.

Look if you’re going to tailgate by all means tailgate. Just go to the game on time. There aren’t a whole lot of excuses for being late for a game when you have been within 100 yards of the venue.

 

10th Commandment: Thou Shall Treat Opposing Teams Fans with Respect   

This has some stipulations. If a guy is running his mouth and isn’t really making sense. And he’s just being annoying and using the typical lines of "You Suck" then as Russell Crowe would say "Unleash Hell." But I’m talking about the Fan that is a fan of the opposing team. Shows up. And doesn’t say ANYTHING.

He doesn’t bother anyone. Doesn’t talk shit. All he does is watch his team. This is especially relevant for if his team is losing. Just leave the guy alone. I recently went to a Phillies game where the Phillies scored 22 runs against the Reds.

The family behind us was Reds fans. Their teams just gave up 22 runs they don’t need to be heckled. This definitely goes for fans of last place teams. Give the guy credit just for showing up (I’m referring to the seven Nats fans) They showed up to the game probably expecting a loss and hoping for the best. Of course this rule goes out the window if they start talking a bit too much.

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