Papa John's Relaxes Promotional Rules to Account for 76ers' Awfulness

The Philadelphia 76ers’ season is not a sad one. 

It is an affront to you, me and the sport of basketball at large, and should be looked down upon as such. You should not feel bad for them when they sulk off the court.

Who you should feel bad for are 76ers fans, who not only are forced to endure the most egregious tanking in NBA history, but are also now the subject of the second-saddest promotion in sports. 

CrossingBroad.com’s Kyle Scott (h/t Deadspin’s Barry Petchesky) brings news of a recent change in a joint promotion between Papa John’s and the 76ers. 

After initially offering a 50 percent discount on orders the day after a 76ers win, the company trimmed back the qualifications in favor of a more realistic and exponentially sadder deal. 

CrossingBroad.com

Ninety points. Philadelphia has to score 90 points in a basketball game for fans to get half off their orders. Win, lose or draw, if floor commander Michael Carter-Williams and his D-League-caliber teammates get within 10 points of hitting the century mark, you can get half off a pizza covered in corn chips. 

The worst part, however, is how Papa John’s delivered the new deal. Scott posted a picture of the email fans received Thursday regarding the bargain. The subject reads: “50 Percent OFF Today — Sixers Won!”

No. No they did not.

Philadelphia lost 101-90 to the Boston Celtics on Wednesday. They only won within the parameters of Papa John’s new, arbitrary rule—a rule that would give the franchise five total victories for the season if the 76ers could win games just by scoring at least 90 points.

I just hope Papa John’s at least has the decency to throw napkins in with every half-off deal. Not for blotting the grease. For catching the tears.

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