Breaking News: My Brother Won't Take Out The Garbage
After months of intense in-fighting and often emotional family "discussions" Bernfeld-Household patriarch Jeff Bernfeld has learned that his son, Bryan, will not take out the garbage this Sunday.
This new development, widely speculated on in inner-family circles over the past few weeks, will put the younger son's allowance in jeopardy.
"It was the easiest decision I've ever had to make," Bryan told BleacherReport. "I would like to thank everyone--my mom, my older brother, and most importantly, the garbage men. I usually have to take out the garbage during Entourage and I just don't like doing it."
Though the family is "disheartened" by the news of Bryan's decision, they have not yet given up hope for a change of heart. Discussions on chores have dragged on for months, leaving the family in limbo and the house in disarray.
"The problem with taking out the garbage for the last 6 or 7 years is that everybody thinks you can just keep on doing it," Bryan said. "The things that bothered me, bothered me a little more. It takes longer to recover -- if you do recover."
The family had hoped that the younger son would finally pull his weight by contributing to the household chores, but unfortunately for the family, Bryan has made his decision.
"When I heard the news, I was probably as surprised and shocked as everybody else," older son Jeremy told BleacherReport in a phone interview. "The writing on the wall was as long as his arm was healthy he was going to help out. I thought it was just a contractual deal that was taking so long and I really expected him to be out there on Sunday. So I was really surprised."
Directly after Bryan's announcement the family met in a closed-door meeting to discuss the consequences. Though no announcement has been made, a source "close to the family" has told the press that Jeremy has agreed to pick up short-term slack. Messages on the family phone were not returned before press time.
Without access to allowance, Bryan is reportedly contemplating applying for a summer job at the local ice cream parlor. But for now, Bryan is happy with his decision.
"I had to be careful not to commit to the garbage for the wrong reasons," Favre said. "They were telling me, 'You went through all this, you've done it for years and you've got to finish it off.' But I have legitimate reasons for my decision. I'm 21 with a lot of bins to my name."
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