Top Ten Things For Tortorella To Do During Rangers Game While Suspended

Incredibly, New York Rangers coach John Tortorella won't be behind the bench as his team takes on the Washington Capitals this afternoon as he was suspended by the NHL for an incident with a water bottle and a fan in the last game.

We're calling the Washington incident "Watergate".  Tortorella, reportedly, isn't laughing.

What do you do if your team is in the playoffs, playing a game that could clinch a first round series, without you?

Here's a list of the top ten things Tortorella might want to do while the Rangers battle the Capitals at Madison Square Garden.

1. Go to the game as a fan and annoy the Capitals coach, Bruce Boudreau, from a seat behind the visiting team bench. See how he likes it!

2. Stay home and polish your Stanley Cup ring, earned as Tampa Bay’s coach in 2004, and make plans for ring No. 2 in 2009.

3. Watch video tapes of Rangers seasons past and try to figure out why New York wins with Avery and loses without him.

4. Go over Rangers statistics with Avery in and out of the lineup, starting with when they went 17-6-6 to finish the season after they got him in a trade with the L.A. Kings.

5. See how the Rangers beat Atlanta in the first round of the playoffs two years ago and how they beat the New Jersey Devils last year.

6. Watch The Avery Rule on YouTube.

7. Watch video of the Pittsburgh Penguins pounding Avery until he was pronounced dead with a lacerated spleen in the second round of the playoffs last year and make plans for round two against the Boston Bruins this year.

8. Review stats and videos to see why the Rangers are 69-30-19 with Avery in the lineup since he was acquired in 2007 and 41-38-11 without him.

9. Do what I do: Listen to the game on radio while getting live game updates from NHL.com and surfing the internet for relevant hockey news while reading about Avery and the Rangers on Bleacher Report.

10. Two words: Anger Management. After all, Avery looked like he was out of hockey after the Dallas Stars dumped him, but he went to A.M. and came out with a Gap ad, a movie deal, and an invitation to rejoin the Rangers.