April 19, 2009
WWE.COM Highlight Reel
Jericho walks out with Lance Cade. Everything is set up and Jericho looks as if he's rushing to get things started.
"Today, we'll start off with the RAW Rewind."
-RAW's tag team scene erupts as over five teams are fighting for the coveted World Tag Team titles. Braddock and Dolph Ziggler finally get tag title shots. CM Punk surely runs into some trouble in paradise. Triple H and Rey Mysterio are also in action as the race to Backlash continues. Only one man gets to face Shawn Michaels first.
"Wow, can I get a round of applaud for RAW?"'
Lance Cade cues the stage crew for a series pre-recorded audience claps.
"I mean WOW! There is a show right there. It's amazing to witness Monday night RAW dull and shitty all due the the absence of one star. RAW needs me, they need me badly. We have a tag division of freaks and two old men trying to party like it's 1999 again".
"How many times are you going to look in your old closet Shawn? You went home after busting your ass for people who don't even care two shits about you and you were smiling. You kissed your wife and hugged your children. Just before you went to bed, a trip to the closet was needed to hang up the cowboy hat you love to wear".
"Not only are you a sellout, but you don't know a thing about fashion. Back to the subject, you found that ol teared up, wore out D-X shirt and now you and Triple H are telling everyone to "suck it". Those two are our role models?"
-Mr. MITB 2009 Shelton Benjamin stops by ECW though he's a Smackdown superstar. Benjamin demands a ECW title shot while he's the U.S. champion and holder of the MITB briefcase.
Paul Heyman has some words with an vindictive Benjmain, but the two ultimately reach a solution. The Samoan bulldozer debuts in the land of extreme and RVD begins his title reign in ECW. Katie Lee Burchill proclaims her boyfriend will be at Backlash.
"When a friggin' circus is the best WWE has to offer you know something is terribly wrong. Unlike RAW and Smackdown, there's no regression. We as a company need prosperity. We need to get on with our lives and move on".
"All of these ol' dogs still get loosed from the hall of fame dog house and they want to relive their glory days in the yard again. I say forget the doghouse. I say forget the hall of fame. These people need to be sent to a retirement home. These dogs need to be sent to the dog pound and put to sleep".
"ECW is trying to 'progress', something many aren't familiar with. Team Swagger are trying to steer ECW into the future. Swagger and company just want to bring some honor and respect to ECW. Unfortunately, there's these old pieces of crap who rear their wrinkled faces and bring ECW back to hell".
"It's regression. Evolution will come to a halt...just like the stable did. On to Katie Lee and her "boyfriend". Will someone please shut that two dollar trash bang ho up? She is another reason why ECW may never escape the dark ages".
"Folks, we have a guest today. Our guest today is man who has been ignored for quite sometime. please welcome Jamie Noble!"
"Welcome to the Reel Jamie. We understand that you've been neglected as the WWE is a shameless promotion. Look, you seem a little tense...why don't get some things of your chest?"
"Thanks Jericho, I will".
Cade and Jericho take a seat while Noble grabs the mic.
"Guys, the other guys in the locker room take me for granted. I work hard and I believe if I work hard I can damn well beat just about anybody in the back. They wanna talk about stars? You have one right here baby! You have Jamie freaking Noble".
"I'll tell ya, I say I'll tell ya that I can work a real match. You want speed, I got that. You want charisma? I got that. You want a match? Jamie Noble can give you that AND SOME! I issuing an open challenge to anyone who thinks they can just push Jamie Noble aside! What do you guys think?"
The camera shifts to Cade and Jericho who are sleeping. Jericho even starts to drool.
Jamie Noble is livid.
"I thought you two undertstood me. I thought you guys were different! I I should teach you guys a lesson!"
Jericho stretches and makes his way to the bathroom. Cade goes to check his email on his laptop while Noble is screaming while he's being hauled off the set by security. Cade sets the Jeritron 5000 to replay the event of Smackdown as Jericho returns to the set.
-Like RAW's tag team scene, Smackdown hopes to shake it up as well as the East-West Connection pushes for a tag team title shot. They seem to get what they wanted...if they do something first.
Diva titans collide as Michelle McCool goes at it with Divas champion Natalya. Edge returns with the Cutting Edge and has a guest who recently wrestled him. The Big Show continues to show why he's the most dominant wrestler on the roster.
WWE has been known to take hits. WWE is known to not make the must logical choices, but today, what they've done has taken the cake.
"How can you run a company without utilizing your best talent?"
"Yes, shake your head in disbelief omnipotent ones and drool like nonsensical incompetent idiots hypocrites. I just don't why I was drafted to a show that's run by a senior citizen.
"This is not only hurting myself and my loyal followers, but it's hurting the WWE, it's the hurting the business, it's hurting Vince and the rest of the spoiled McMahons".
"I am the superstar of the year, way to go for 2009. Ric Flair...Ric Flair of all people had the nerve and the testicular fortitude...if they still function well at his age, to rear his atrocious face across my Jeritron 5000. He came huffing and puffing sweating as if he came out of the ring sticking his little red rooster neck out screeching at me".
'"I don't blame him, he drafted Y2J after all, I'd be "whoooing" too"'.
"Regardless of my well known dominance..there's no justification for proceeding to do your little doggie tricks Flair. I don't think you fathom what I'm trying to get across. Chris Jericho doesn't perform for YOU. Chris Jericho doesn'r perform for these heartless two faced hypocrites".
"Chris Jericho performs for Chris Jericho".
"You see Flair, unlike you and your flabby chest, I'm a walking masterpiece. Unlike you Flair, I don't aim to please those idiots in the stands. They come with their signs and their beer breath just itching to see some blood. They don't care about you or me...then there's the children".
"How do you call yourself a General Manager?"
"These children need a hero, they need role models the likes of Lance Cade and myself..not drugged up wanna be Sting junkies like Jeff Hardy. How can you support failures? The roster amongst other things is horrendous. Smackdown is dire need of saving".
"Flair and the hypocrites want me to save the day? Why should I? The moment I save that sinking ship, the "fans" will turn on me like spineless cowards. I marched into titlan towers and I gave the board of directors an ultimatum".
"I told them to fix this mess. I told them to fix this travesty, this monstrosity. I told them to fix everything or else I'll walk out. I'm too good to be wasted away like some ECW circus jobber. Some people said that I should "cross the line". Unfortunately, that's worse than being sidelined with a career-threatening injury. WWE owes me".
"WWE owes it's greatest superstar. I demand to receive the treatment I deserve dammit. I will not wrestle for the blue brand, but I'll show up. Before you people get your panties in a bunch, I won't be appearing on Smackdown until WWE fixes the mess. Next week, I will break the walls down".
Lance Cade is looks perplexed.
"You people aren't getting my message. I believe I'm crystal clear. I use proper English, but no gets what I'm saying. My conclusion is your Internet connection. Obviously, not one of those shitty connections can handle the highlight reel...can handle Jericho".
"Next week, the Highlight Reel will be live on WWE Superstars, WWE's newest show. The beauty of it is the fact that all three brands are allowed on the show. With that being said, who do you think my guest(s) will be? Don't think I'll be representing Smackdown either ol' man".
Jericho chuckles and walks off the set with Cade. Show fades.
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