Michigan Wolverines: Pure Back Page News

What happened to Michigan Wolverine athletics? Nobody really knows because nobody cares enough to write about the subject. (I’m referring solely to basketball and football here, for the record.)

When I was growing up, Michigan was THE school. The basketball team won national championships and made it to multiple Final Fours. The football team was winning titles and Rose Bowls.

Lately though, there’s not a whole lot to get excited about for the fans of the Maize and Blue.

I realize the Wolverines did manage to upset Florida in the Outback Bowl to send Lloyd Carr out with a win, but let’s be honest—Florida’s defense would have given up 40 points to a fifth grade girls Powder Puff team this season. And, it still only improved this highly regarded senior class’s record in Ohio State/Bowl Games to 1-7.

The recent impotence led to Lloyd Carr’s "retirement." Who did the athletic department choose to get this team back to respectability? The ultimate sleazy scumbag: Rich Rodriguez!

Bravo, Michigan A.D. Bravo!

Rodriguez, who employs the Spread Offense, couldn't land top QB prospect Terrelle Pryor...even with a guaranteed starting spot. Pryor instead opted to suit up for Jim Tressel's more traditional offense (and no guarantee of starting) at Ohio State.

Now, as for the basketball team—yikes. Tommy Amaker couldn’t even get this squad to the NCAA Tournament...and how many years did he coach there? Like 12? Who knows? Nobody knows!

What did coaching at Michigan do for Amaker? Landed him a job with powerhouse Harvard. So at least now he'll actually have a chance of making the NCAA Tournament!

(Also, it should be pointed out that the whole Fab 5 Era—well, it didn’t even exist, due to rampant NCAA violations. That may have an effect on the current state of the program.)

This year’s team? Well, watching Michigan basketball this year is kinda like watching Roseanne Barr take a shower. It’s ugly, it makes you puke, and the day after you puke some more.

So I guess this article is kind of pointless. Who would even read this? Who will Michigan’s quarterback be next season? The running back? The starting point guard?

Nobody knows. But, there is one thing we do know. Those answers will be found smack dab in the middle of the back page of the sports section.