Real friends are the ones that are there for you when things are at their worst, not just tagging along for your birthday party at the Palms or out to see an obvious hit like The Avengers. They are the ones who drop by when your dog dies or to hold your hand when you learn that N'Sync has just broken up.
Like real friends, the UFC has real fans. These aren't the guys who show up at the Hooters when Brock Lesnar is fighting. These are the true-blue fans. The few and the hearty who bought UFC 147. The folks who will show up when the product is unadulterated crap, not just when it is good.
Does Jon Jones vs. Vitor Belfort kind of suck as a main event? Yes. Belfort hasn't fought at light heavyweight in years and has only beaten one top-10 opponent in recent memory. But you owe it to the UFC to buy it—payback for UFC 100. That show was awesome, easily worth the cost of two pay-per-views. Now's the time to pay it forward.
Is Stephan Bonnar a ridiculous opponent for Anderson Silva? Yes, of course. He's a mediocre performer in a different weight class than the champ. But Bonnar vs. Griffin was free and it was one of the most exciting fights in UFC history. So it's only right you support them when they stick Bonnar in a fight he doesn't belong anywhere near. We owe him that much
Fiiiiigt week!!!! Jones vs Belfort! This if for u the REAL fans. We love u guys!!! on.ufc.com/SUrJRZ
White has suggested real fans will be pumped for Belfort versus Jones. Better make sure you're in the right camp. After all, customer or not, being on White's list of enemies isn't a safe place.
Be a real fan, not an opportunistic bandwagon jumper. Only buying the best cards is like being a basketball fan who only remembered he liked the Chicago Bulls when Derrick Rose started playing at an MVP level. The real fans were the ones who stuck around for the Elton Brand years.
Fair-weather fans are the absolute worst. You don't want to be that guy, the one who suddenly out of nowhere bought a Giants Super Bowl shirt. Real fans are there through thick and thin. Besides, UFC cards that are demolished by fans and media are invariably action-packed extravaganzas.
So go ahead and get on the right side of history. There are two kinds of UFC fans—the kind that stick with the promotion when the going gets tough and the ones who cut and run at the first available opportunity. I know which side I'm on. It's time for you to choose, too.
Got your tongue planted firmly in cheek like the author does with this parody piece? Join him in the comments!