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Florida's Atlantic High School Reveals Ridiculous Football Uniforms

Photo Credit: FuturisticWoo
Photo Credit: FuturisticWoo
Gabe ZaldivarPop Culture Lead WriterJanuary 16, 2017

A moment of silence for what Florida's Atlantic High School thought was a good idea. 

The Palm Beach Post's Matt Porter reports the saddest news to ever hit the color green, or uniforms for that matter. Hell, the emotional stock I had in high-school sports has been destroyed. 

Here is what this team will wear for the season, like, with a straight face and stuff, too. 

Note: Photo presented on original post has been changed.  

Yikes. 

I feel bad for the kid who had to dress in this nightmare and get his picture taken. He is even holding an extra helmet as if it's to give to anyone who might feel woozy when looking at him. 

This jersey has everything: duck wings on one side, a two-tone look and the brightest neon green I have seen since my 1991 class picture. 

If you have ever been to a buffet and piled on 18 different food items on to one plate, you know what an ugly mess "too much of a good thing" looks like. 

That's what's happening here. 

Porter writes: 

The uniforms were donated by Delray Beach nonprofit Prep and Sports and Delray 21, a subgroup of the Delray Beach Chamber of Commerce. They were designed by Ryan Boylston of Delray-based Futuristic Woo.

Now, the uniforms being donated is simply awesome. Let's stop the bashing to acknowledge a good and noble gesture. Seriously, stand in your office, home or wherever you might be, and smile. 

There, now back to the bashing. 

Here is how I feel the design meeting went for this one:

Employee 1: Well, guys. We have to come up with a design for the uniforms we are donating to Atlantic. Let's give them something really snappy. 

Employee 2: How about we include everything on the uniform?

E1: Explain...

E2: Well all uniforms have some things on their jerseys. But what if we included everything?

E1: That idea has more leg than Greg Oden. Johnson, you're a genius. Carol, call the tailor, we are putting every last thing we can think of into this design. 

Or perhaps this was some goof in the office that went too far and actually got signed off on as the design. 

I really can't think of any other possibility.

Now, the only problem with these atrocities to sartorial sensibility is that I want one. I sincerely want one of these to have, hold and cherish. 

I'll bet you do too. 

 

Follow me on Twitter for the latest in sheer brilliance. 

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