David Beckham, let me have a word with you on your farcical display of football for the Los Angeles Galaxy against the Seattle Sounders, a match in which your men proceeded to get impaled 4-0 at CenturyLink Field in Seattle on Sunday night.
You are fully aware that Daniel Sturridge put on his best Santa Claus impersonation and let he and his footballing elves of Team Great Britain gift-wrap a 5-4 penalty shootout win to South Korea, at the expense of rendering him the loneliest man on the British Isles.
And you committed one of the biggest sins you could ever commit for a player of your stature—you simply let the result get to you.
It affected your deliveries. It affected your distribution. It made every corner an easy clearance, and every set piece a routine defensive stop for the home team. Furthermore, your efforts defensively were the type of efforts worthy of the USASA level.
Getting beaten off the ball, bad passing, no first touch...forget the similarly farcical performance against the New York Red Bulls. This display against Seattle made the Red Bulls game look a decent outing for you.
Now do you realize why you don't deserve to be on Team Great Britain? Any ill feelings you had regarding the snub [sic] are moot. You're not that good. You're not as good as you were before. You can't make a good cross. You can't make a good set piece. You couldn't get the job done against an opponent that is not as talented as Real Madrid.
And word is coming out is that you will be in London for the closing ceremony. Do you not prioritize the team you are with? Chivas USA is not on Seattle's level, and it would have been a chance for you to make up for the horrendous effort against the Sounders.
I have a better suggestion, since you are prioritizing something that you were not destined to be a part of but are so desperate to even get a sniff of.
The Hollywood United Hitmen are next door. They don't have the type of players who will be making the move up and you'll be lucky to find someone who has played in MLS and is a certified washout.
David Beckham, I suggest you take your circus and inept play to Hollywood United and their circus if you are not going to devote your time, your effort, your commitment, your heart, your dedication, passion and pride to the Los Angeles Galaxy.
And let me tell you why that is a good thing. This is going to open the door wide for a decent footballer to take over your DP spot in Frank Lampard. That will be the glorious kick in the backside Los Angeles have been waiting months to receive.
And they need it bad. Real bad. Why? Because, Mr. David Beckham, on Sunday in Seattle you put on a farcical performance on the pitch that is unacceptable and a crime to the sport...and is deserving of a 1.