The Mikhail Youzhny Solution...for Tennis Bad Boys!

I like to fly like the wind...which is my quaint way of saying that I drive fast. This past week, I was accelerating my way to an appointment when I looked up to see this green pickup hugging my rear bumper. 

All right, I admit to daydreaming while Dylan entranced me with his soulful rendition of the "Changing of the Guard." Awaking, the green pickup startled me as I glanced into my rearview mirror and sensed extreme impatience in his aggressive posture.

At the time I was in the process of passing a royal blue mini-van and was far exceeding the speed limit. This green pickup was hanging onto my rear bumper and I was getting a little peeved (pissed off in today’s lingo).

I finally drew around the mini-van and hustled over into the right lane so green pickup could get around me. Green, however, pulled in right behind me instead of flying by.  In the distance, I could see a stop light that never fails to turn red when I approach and right on cue, the light changed. Green pickup screeched in front of me and into the right-hand turn lane...whoa— scary maneuver!

In the process of going around me, he flipped me off—and sideways!! Then he rammed his pickup into the turn lane just as a train passed and the barriers crossing the track lifted. I watched him speed across the horizon and out of sight...perfect timing.

Now, I have to admit being just a bit bewildered at the abrupt abrogation. What that gesture does to me is to deny my existence as a human being and project so much hate that debasing physical violence is the only option. The effect was immediately disturbing and diminishing. 

I never quite understand these hit-and-run encounters...I know that if we met face to face and green pickup guy looked deep into these hazel eyes, he might have softened a bit in his assessment...ah, well...to say his behavior troubled me is an understatement.

I have been interpreted as belonging to another era—of a kinder and gentler time. It is true. I find bad manners appalling. To me, taking that extra step to allow a fellow human being to feel good about himself or herself is worth it because it enriches us both. 

Being kind and respectful are acts of humanity. It is what we expect of others in their treatment of us...but perhaps not in the sports world—yet.

Recently, I was chided for a remark I made in expressing preference for European tennis players over Americans. The person I offended felt my remarks were racist to some extent. I retracted my remark because I intended no disrespect for Americans...I am one, after all.

As so many have postulated before me, the sports arena is no longer an American province. We need to be cognizant of other cultures and respect multiple codes of conduct, because people across the globe judge us based on our behavior on the playing courts and fields of the world.

Unfortunately, America no longer enjoys a sparkling world image. This is a result of political and ethical decisions made on our behalf at the highest levels of government over recent decades. But I wonder, too, about our sports image on the world stage.

In the past, as I watched John McEnroe abuse lines people and umpires whose participation in the game was essential and whose primary fault seemed only to be that they were human and capable of making errors, I felt anger at his rudeness and insensitivity. He deliberately humiliated people because it was within his power to do so.

As I listen to people talk about how energizing such behavior is to them and to the sport, I have to wonder if we are watching the same contest. 

I know this is the same John McEnroe who could curb his behavior when he played Bjorn Borg because of his immense respect for Borg. This tells me that McEnroe could do it—it wasn’t beyond his capability to control his outbursts. 

I love McEnroe today because he loves tennis, understands it, and relates it well to all of us watching. He is honest and forthright. But he, along with Jimmy Connors, institutionalized an attitude that most Americans appear to embrace and expect of its tennis players as fans and spectators of the sport.

For American Andy Roddick, it was on full display at the 2008 Australian Open. He berated the chair umpire. He cracked his racket. He pulled out of a serve and yelled at some fans to "shut up." None of it unsettled Philipp Kohlschreiber, who went on to defeat Roddick.

Then again, Roddick blew his cool at Indian Wells. It wasn’t a great day, as unseeded Tommy Haas ousted him in the second round of the Pacific Life Open at Indian Wells. Roddick smashed two rackets and had a few temper tantrums out of frustration before leaving the court in defeat. Fellow American Mardy Fish is also well known for his colorful language and his verbal abuse of tennis umpires and lines people. 

Bad behavior, however, is not alone an American trait. Andy Murray, Scotland’s own and Great Britain’s shining star, has been known to turn the air blue around him. Some find his behavior often wanting. Ile Nastase was not always the umpire’s favorite character to deal with...

Understand, these players use this tactic to pump themselves up. It works for them most of the time. But, perhaps instead of berating others, players could take their frustrations out on themselves, much as Mikhail Youzhny did in a match with Nicholas Almagro at the Sony Ericsson Open in Miami—by hitting himself in the head with his racket until he drew blood!

Millions of people loved it and celebrated it by watching it on YouTube over and over again. It made him a star! Teens thought him hot and sportscasters loved it...

This is my proposal—I call it the Youzhny Solution. I suggest this be the new standard of behavior if angered or frustrated...beat yourself black and blue and leave innocent bystanders, lines people, umpires, and fans alone.

It accomplishes the same thing–letting the player rant and rave and vent his or her frustrations. It gives those tangential fans something to watch for and provides color for those who think tennis is passé. 

Those who have the power and think it is their right and privilege to abuse those who cannot strike back probably will not agree to step back in time with me to emulate the kindness of the past. Nor will they agree with me that the guy in the green pick up was a first class jerk...a narcissistic Neanderthal in a cowboy hat...sticks and stones, right!

I would be more than happy to supply him with a polo mallet...