The Worst Sports Gifts to Give This Year

Somebody once gave me a $20 gift card to a pharmacy in a Secret Santa at my work. And as if that wasn't bad enough, it was the pharmacy we all worked at in the first place! (I was a pharmacy technician during my undergrad years.)

It was the worst gift ever.

So to avoid being "that guy" during the holiday season, I've compiled 20 sports-related gifts you should avoid giving at all costs.

Because you know what they say: 'tis better to give than to re-gift because some idiot gave you a set of "vintage" pogs.

New York Mets Flask

First of all, giving someone a flask is enabling. Don't be that guy. It's also a pretty candid way to tell them exactly what you think about them.

Though I would probably drink to excess if I was a Mets fan.

Houston Texans Fox Sports Cleatus the Robot Action Figure

What in the hell is this thing? Why does it exist? Who decided to name it Cleatus? Is Calvin "Megatron" Johnson pissed off right now? What is Fox's obsession with football-playing robots?

I'm so confused.

Denver Broncos Mascot Pillow Pet

I just think it would be really freaky to wake up to a horse's head in your bed. I would feel like I was in a cartoon version of The Godfather every morning.

Find a different way to show the Broncos fan in your life that you care.

Ben Roethlisberger Fathead

Ask yourself this—would you want Ben Roethlisberger on your wall? Would you want that giant, sticky cutout of him starting at your woman? Hmm?

No, me neither. Go with Troy Polamalu if you are going the Steelers Fathead route—everybody loves that guy.

Red Sox Golf Bag

If you give this to a Red Sox fan, you should apologize for giving it so late—how were you supposed to know it would come in handy before October?

Pete Stoyanovich Action Figure

Listen, I collected these action figures as a kid, so I could see how people might collect them now as a nostalgic hobby.

But honestly, nobody wants the action figure of a kicker. C'mon—that would be like trying to trade somebody a football card of a punter. Or buying them a Fathead of a long snapper.

There are better vintage options than this.

Ohio State Tattoo

Maybe wait a year or two before offering to pay for a tattoo so that the Ohio State fan in your life can permanently display their team spirit.

This year, the offer might just make them angry.

Vancouver Canucks Stanley Cup Final Bumper Sticker

1. If you buy somebody a bumper sticker as anything other than a stocking-stuffer, you are a cheap bastard.

2. Why in the hell are they still selling this? It's kind of cruel to remind Canucks fans, "Hey guys, you're number two!" isn't it?

3. You should probably wear riot gear when you present this gift to a Canucks fan. Just saying...

Sports Snuggie

Everything about this picture horrifies me.

The snuggie. The fake smiles. The sacrilegious bonding of an Alabama and Auburn fan. The snuggie (again).

Don't be the guy that stocks up on different team snuggies and passes it around as your generic gift. Nobody likes the generic gift guy.

Sure, the snuggie is soft—we all know that. But if you are spotted just one time wearing a snuggie by one of your friends, your man card is gone. Forever.

New York Yankees Piggy Bank

It is so much bigger than you think.

Mini Goal Posts

This is just cruel, namely for any Bills fans old enough to remember Scott Norwood.

It's also a nasty gift to give to fans of the Vikings, Florida State (poor Florida State), Tony Romo, John Carney (the man himself, not his fans—kickers don't have fans) and Boise State.

Poor Boise State.

Collapsible Braves Trash Can

The last thing the Braves fan in your life needs is something else that is collapsible.

Try to be sensitive, people.

Sports Welcome Mat

This one just confuses me. Do you buy them the mat of the team they root for so that they can display their team loyalties to all who come to their door? Or do you buy them the mat of a team they hate so that everybody can rub their dirty feet all over the logo of that rival?

See how this is confusing? You're either displaying your loyalty and allowing people to rub their feet all over your team, or you're allowing people to rub their feet all over your rival's logo but publicly displaying that logo at your door.

It's lose-lose—stay away from this.

Miami Hurricanes Wallet

This is the gift that will keep on giving.

Seriously, if you give this to a Miami fan, they'll expect you to keep filling it up. Over and over and over again.

At some point, this gift will come back to bite you in the ass, I guarantee it.

Sports Toasters

Why do I need my team's logo on my toast? Does this come with logo-shaped cookie cutters as well?

If you own one of these, do you have to make corny jokes every time you use it like, "Man, I knew the Phillies were in trouble this year, but I didn't realize they were toast already. Har har har."

Nothing says "I really need a hobby" quite like a logo-burning toaster.

Tickets to an NBA Game

I know, this makes me sad too.

Pittsburgh Pirates Bobblehead

You know what happens with these kind of gifts, right? People don't really know where to put them, so one day they bring them down to the cellar to store them and then they just sort of sit down there, forgotten about.

Heck, this thing might stay in the cellar for—oh, I don't know—19 years or so.

And to boot, this one is even giving the recipient of the gift the middle finger.

You should have given them the Barry Bonds Pirates bobblehead while you had the chance.

A Philadelphia Eagles Sham

Help the Dream Team fan in your life sleep a little easier with this Philadelphia Eagles pillow sham.

If you're a typical dude, you might be sort of confused right now. Go to No. 3 here.

I'll be here all week.

A Customized Jersey

When you go to the doctor's office, do you wear a lab coat and put a stethoscope around your neck and make a fake badge with your name on it?

No.

When you go to a restaurant, do you wear an apron, carry a rolling pin around with you and yell at the waitstaff?

Other than that last part, the answer is no.

When you go to Comic Con, do you dress up like...never mind. But you get my point.

If you don't play for the team, your name doesn't go on the back. It's man law. And it's a worse violation to put someone's name on the back for them, thereby making them feel guilty if they don't wear the insufferably corny piece of memorabilia you bought them.

An Andrew Luck Jersey

I'm sorry, Indianapolis, but it had to be done.

My name is Timothy Rapp, and I put the "grrrr" in Swagger.