NFL Power Rankings Week 6: Comparing Teams to SNL Cast Members

The connections between the National Football League and Saturday Night Live are numerous and probably more vast than many of us would guess.

In 1975, Saturday Night Live burst on to the American scene with an opening monologue by George Carlin. What was that monologue about?

Football of course.

I can't say what prompted Carlin to use a bit about football, but it could've had something to do with a realization of his audience.

Saturday Night Live and the NFL target the same type of audience—primarily young and male but still broad enough to cross numerous demographic lines. 

The person at NBC in charge of that first SNL broadcast?

Dick Ebersol, who would go on to head NBC Sports and create "Football Night in America."

So, in appreciation of those connections and as an homage to my favorite show and favorite sports, here is a Week 6 NFL Power Rankings comparing each NFL team to an SNL cast member.

A Quick Note about the Rankings

Many people have different ideas about power rankings.

My theory is this: I could care less about who beat who, point differential, comparative offense and defense rankings or even win-loss records.

I care about who is playing the best football right now.

Now, much of that will be reflected in all of those criteria listed above, but taking any of those into account without the larger picture in mind is foolish.Tennessee beat Baltimore, but I couldn't possibly rank the Titans higher than the Ravens. Detroit has a perfect record, but I don't believe they're better than the Saints.

When push comes to shove, I believe that each team would beat the team below it if the game were played today, in a vacuum.

Most importantly, I'm ranking the teams not the SNL characters. Sure, there is a loose scatterplot from the worst cast members to the all-time best, but I wasn't going to shoehorn a comparison.

On to the rankings...

32) Miami Dolphins: Randy Quaid

Randy Quaid was on Saturday Night Live, believe it.

Best known for being unfunny in roles like "Cousin Eddie" of National Lampoon's fame or playing the exact same character in Independence Day, Days of Thunder and Kingpin, Quaid seems misplaced on a sketch comedy show.

He was and was soon let go.

The Miami Dolphins are similarly miscast at the moment. Their quarterback isn't a leader, their head coach has already been fired once and their skill players don't have nearly as much skill as fans give them credit for. 

31) Indianapolis Colts: Robert Downey Jr.

Something just doesn't seem right here.

Robert Downey Jr. is, currently, one of the hottest names in Hollywood. It seems natural that he's just one of the many who used SNL as a springboard.

Nope.

Downey was a flop.

Still, it can hardly be said that he didn't have any talent; he just had to wait.

The Indianapolis Colts are just biding time. Peyton Manning will be back eventually, maybe this year or maybe the next. He'll be back, and they'll be contenders in the AFC South again.

Until then, at least they have one thing Downey Jr. on SNL never had...

Lots of people laughing at them.

30) St. Louis Rams: Jay Mohr

Jay Mohr has never been funny.

Mohr's schtick has always been playing a jerk, from SNL to Jerry McGuire to Gary Unmarried, he's always been at his best when making people hate him. Meanwhile, the people who truly hate him the most are those who were schnookered into buying tickets into his standup act.

Yeesh.

The St. Louis Rams are a lot like that. The conventional wisdom out there says they should be a good football team. They have a former top coordinator as a head coach, a stud running back, a top draft pick under center and tons of money invested in the offensive line.

Yet, most people paying good money to get into their games probably regret it or at least should.

29) Kansas City Chiefs: Gilbert Gottfried

Gilbert Gottfried is a funny man. No, really. Trust me. I promise.

He just has one fatal flaw—a voice that no one can stand listening to. That flaw is pretty devastating when it's a person's job to tell jokes!

The Chiefs have a fatal flaw as well, and no, I don't mean Matt Cassel.

The Chiefs lack of depth is as frightening as Gottfried's voice. If the Chiefs were a healthy football team—and no team ever is in the NFL—they could be contenders. Yet, every player that goes down for the Chiefs reveals a player who has no business being on an NFL roster.

28) Minnesota Vikings: Al Franken

Al Franken is a senator from Minnesota, but that isn't the only comparison here.

Franken had some great ideas on SNL—most notably Stuart Smalley—and almost became the Weekend Update anchor as well as the executive producer! Thankfully neither of those things happened, because many of Franken's ideas were ran into the ground until none of us were laughing any more. 

The Vikings had a lot going for them a few years back, but—much like Franken—they've gotten old fast.

27) Jacksonville Jaguars: Damon Wayans

Damon Wayans might be the funniest person who never got a legitimate shot on SNL. He was famously fired for improvising during the live broadcast. Apparently, that's a no-no on Loren Michaels' set.

Worse yet is improvising when it comes to your roster, especially at the quarterback position.

Through four preseason games, David Garrard was the face of the Jacksonville Jaguars. Then, after attending a team luncheon, he was cut, giving way to Luke McCown. McCown was proclaimed, "the best QB on the Jaguars roster." And then was the worst QB in the NFL. Blaine Gabbert has only been slightly better.

Simply put, had Blaine Gabbert been handed the reins sooner, they might have a shot, but by fooling around with Garrard and McCown, they've made a horrible, horrible mistake.

26) Denver Broncos: Jimmy Fallon

Tim Tebow is immensely popular, and no one who is serious about evaluating NFL talent has any idea why.

I don't think I have to spell out the comparison.

25) Seattle Seahawks: Norm MacDonald

Looking back, Norm McDonald is probably more of a cult superstar than a standup comedian. With his dark humor and deadpan delivery, he was Anthony Jeselnik when Jeselnik was still in high school.

Yet, as talented as his supporters say he is, he has never garnered popular appeal.

The Seattle Seahawks are a better football team than anyone will ever give them credit for. Note, I didn't say they were good, just better than their lack of hype would suggest.

24) Cincinnati Bengals: Tracy Morgan

Who else could the Bengals be except for an SNL alumnus who has a "controversy" section on his Wikipedia page.

23) Arizona Cardinals: Dennis Miller

Dennis Miller does one thing, and he does it well.

Whether he's sitting behind the Weekend Update desk, standing up on an HBO special or on one of his many shows, he's doing the same thing—talking about politics and current events with his cynical and biting commentary.

Put him out of his element, and he's useless (see: Monday Night Football 2000-2001).

The Arizona Cardinals have always been able to pass the ball. Now that they have Kevin Kolb and a healthy Larry Fitzgerald, that hasn't changed. Still, force them to run the ball consistently or play defense and they'll always fail.

22) Cleveland Browns: David Spade

David Spade is a set up man, on his own, he's missing something. For much of his career, that "something" that had him at his funniest was Chris Farley.

Without Farley, Spade is just an average comedian.

The Cleveland Browns have a solid running back, a decent offensive line, a young but improving defense and some young talent at the receiver position.They're just missing something.

The Browns should be a much better team, but I can't help thinking that just a little help could really put them over the top.

21) Carolina Panthers: Chris Rock

Whatever Chris Rock touches finds success.

It just never lasts.

Rock only lasted a few years on SNL, and interestingly enough, has only ever lasted a few years doing anything. For a man of such immense talent, I think the only thing his fans are looking for is more.

The Carolina Panthers are way too good to lose so many football games. It isn't just Cam Newton, it's the whole lot from Greg Olsen to Steve Smith to Charles Johnson.

One day, their talent will translate into something lasting. Until then, just little tastes of what could be.

20) Philadelphia Eagles: Will Forte

Will Forte is best known for the character, MacGruber, who is supposedly good at what he does but always seems to make the wrong choice and ends up in sticky situations with no way out.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Andy Reid.

19) Chicago Bears: Dana Carvey

Jay Cutler is getting sacked again? Well, isn't that special.

18) Tennessee Titans: Kristin Wiig

On the cast since 2005, Kristen Wiig has had her hit and misses on SNL but is prized for her consistency. Whenever the show needs a skit, they can always dial up a Lawrence Welk parody. Whenever Weekend Update needs filler, Garth and Kat can make an appearance.

Consistency doesn't mean she isn't talented.

Wiig is the latest in the line of cast members being catapulted into superstardom. Wiig hit the big time with this year's Bridesmaids. Just last year, she also had roles in Dispicable Me and MacGruber.

The Titans are nothing if not consistent. They've had some up years and down years, but they always find their mean—one of the most consistently good teams in the NFL.

17) Atlanta Falcons: Jon Lovitz

Of all he's done, Jon Lovitz' last impression on the American public is that of a liar. All of Lovitz' best persona feature dishonesty as a major character flaw.

This year, yeah, the Atlanta Falcons are gonna be good, really, really good, great! yeah, that's the ticket...

In the end, most of us just feel lied to.

16) Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Anthony Michael Hall

Incredibly talented, Anthony Michael Hall was only 17 when he joined the SNL cast. Once he was there, he wasn't that good, leaving the show after only a year.

The rest of his younger years were spent making horrible mistakes like turning down Ferris Buehler's Day Off, Pretty in Pink and Full Metal Jacket.

Seriously.

For someone who peaked so young, he's done little of real note since then.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers are quickly following that same path to mediocrity. Extremely young, they can't get out of their own way long enough to have any real success.

15) Dallas Cowboys: Amy Poehler

Much like David Spade, Amy Poehler makes the people around her funnier but is always at her best when funny people are around her.

Tiny Fey and Poehler were a great Weekend Update duo, as were Poehler and Seth Meyers. On Parks and Recreation, Poehler heads an ensemble cast which many remember for Aziz Anzari and Nick Offerman.

The Dallas Cowboys would be smart to develop a similar formula. Instead of leaving Tony Romo to live or die on his own, they could put more talent around him.

14) Oakland Raiders: Martin Short

Martin Short has a variety of talents and characters but is best known for being dysfunctional.

Yup, sounds about right.

13) New York Giants: Bill Murray

Murray is one of the most successful former SNL member. He not only has an Emmy for his work on SNL, but also numerous awards and nominations from his films—most notably Rushmore and Lost in Translation.

The Giants have been an extremely successful franchise as well, especially with a Super Bowl and four other playoff appearances this past decade.

Still, many wonder if Murray's best days are behind him. Already 61, he's been done with great leading roles for some time.

The Giants, although still very solid, didn't make the playoffs in the last two years and aren't trending that way in 2011.

12) New York Jets: Gilda Radner

Radner is best known for Roseanne Roseannadanna a crass, boisterous character who was all bluster, no substance and had a thing for feet...

OK, maybe I made that last part up.

11) Washington Redskins: Dan Akroyd

At 11, the Washington Redskins are ranked higher than each of the other teams in the NFC East. They have a legit running game and a stellar defense. Moreover, they finally have some consistency (albeit surprising) at the quarterback position.

In a perfect, non-PC world, Rex Grossman would channel Dan Akroyd's most famous SNL line as he stepped up to the podium:

I told you we could win the East, "you ignorant..."

10) San Francisco 49ers: Mike Meyers

Mike Meyers is a man of many faces.

Thanks to the magic of the big screen, he can change character as quickly as anyone and succeed with all of them. In fact, his best success might be a character he only had to lend his voice and humor to—Shrek.

It didn't take any Hollywood magic for the 49ers to switch character—only a switch in coaching.

Now, at 4-1, they're a team filled with assorted characters—a quarterback, tackle and two wide receivers all labeled busts, a cornerback who no one believed was elite until now and a kicker that was supposedly done.

9) Pittsburgh Steelers: Billy Crystal

Billy Crystal is the gold standard of post-SNL success, just as the Pittsburgh Steelers are the gold standard of the NFL.

Just as the Steelers were seemingly having a down year, people thought Crystal was done.

Then this happened.

Crystal has still got it. He has a few movies in production and rumors have even surfaced that he might host the Oscars again.

The Steelers aren't done either, at least not from the looks of the beatdown they gave Tennessee.

8) Houston Texans: Chris Farley

Much like Matt Foley, the Texans are a little down on their luck. Maybe not "living in a van down by the river," but trading for Derrick Mason is pretty close.

Like Farley, it's evident that the Texans should be superstars, but will they continue to get in their own way?

7) San Diego Chargers: Seth Meyers

Seth Meyers has taken Weekend Update to new heights.

He doesn't have the cynicism of Dennis Miller, the crassness of Norm MacDonald or the wackiness of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. Meyer's own personal brand of political/pop culture humor got him an invitation to the White House Correspondents Dinner and a gig hosting the ESPYs.

Moreover, as head writer on SNL, his personal brand of humor has shaped the program during its most recent renaissance.

Where are the huge movie deals? Where is the million-dollar sitcom pilot?

The Chargers don't get a lot of credit either. They've been more successful than most teams in the past few years, but they get flack for not closing the deal. They put up huge offensive and defensive numbers but aren't winners. They get to the playoffs year after year but aren't champions.

Like with Meyers, it's silly to look at all that talent and not see bigger things ahead.

6) Buffalo Bills: Adam Sandler

Unconventional, quirky, simultaneously overrated and underrated.

For years, the Bills were best described either as "Airheads" or by the name of Sandler's 1993 album, "They're all going to laugh at you!"

Now, the new-look Buffalo Bills are looking "Bulletproof" as the "Big Daddy" of the AFC East.

5) Baltimore Ravens: Phil Hartman

Constantly overlooked while he was on SNL, Phil Hartman was truly one of the rare talents to ever be on the show.

Following a early season loss to the Tennessee Titans, it feels like many are giving up on the Ravens as well.

Like Hartman, the Ravens don't miss much. They have a run game, a developing passing attack, good defense and phenomenal coaching. What's more, they have all of that year after year after year because of an outstanding personnel department.

Hartman was part of a great cast that helped save SNL in the late 80's. He lasted eight years on the show, longer than many of the crew that brought SNL out of the gutter with him. He lasted by being consistently funny with a multitude of different characters—a departure from the constant recurring characters of today's show.

The Ravens have stuck around for a long time as well, thanks to a similar consistency and a team good enough to beat opponents in a myriad of ways.

4) New England Patriots: Will Ferrell

Albert Einstein said that "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" is the definition of insanity.

I would argue that its the definition of Will Ferrell's acting career.

No offense Will, but you've played the same character since your SNL days, and many of us stopped laughing a while ago. If you were wondering, no Old School 2 wouldn't be a good idea. Also, no one wants to see you naked.

Bill Belichick is starting to fall into that same trap. He's been with the Patriots for so long that the defenses have done more adapting than he has. The Patriots are still great, but the cracks are starting to show.

3) Detroit Lions: Eddie Murphy

Could it be anyone else but Axel Foley?

In the early 80s, Eddie Murphy was a super star. Not only did he make SNL audiences laugh with his portrayals of Mr. Robinson, Gumby and Buckwheat, but he made worldwide audiences fall off their seats with Trading Places and Beverly Hills Cop.

Then, it all fell apart.

For years, Eddie Murphy couldn't find a hit. Then, magic happened with The Nutty Professor, Shrek and later with Dreamgirls (set, no less, in Detroit).

The Lions were once the best team in the NFL, really. It was so long ago, that people forget Detroit dominated the NFL in the 1950s.

Then, it all fell apart.

Now, it almost seems like it could be coming back.

Imagine That.

2) New Orleans Saints: Tina Fey

The New Orleans Saints came out of nowhere in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina and became a dominant force in the NFL. Boasting a top-three quarterback and a top coach, it's hard to remember a time when the Saints were bad.

What did Tina Fey do before SNL thrust her into national stardom?

Not much.

Now, between her time on 30 Rock as Liz Lemon and as a faux Sarah Palin on SNL, it's hard to find a funnier face in showbiz than Tina Fey.

1) Green Bay Packers: John Belushi

The Green Bay Packers won the first Super Bowl, and they've won the most recent.

They've been dominating this thing called football longer than anyone. They did it first, and they showed a lot of the other schlubs out there how to do it.

John Belushi may have been taken from this world a lot sooner than his fans would've liked, but he left a lasting legacy. No one would be doing SNL today if it weren't for Belushi and few have figured out how to top him.

Michael Schottey is an NFL Associate Editor for Bleacher Report. A member of the Pro Football Writers of America, he has professionally covered the Minnesota Vikings and the Detroit Lions, as well as NFL events like the scouting combine and the Senior Bowl. Follow him on        Twitter.