There were only three ways the Frys.com Open was ever going to make headlines:
1) If Tiger Woods won.
2) If Tiger Woods failed miserably.
3) If something strange happened to Tiger Woods.
Well, Woods didn't win, nor did he tumble down the leaderboard over the course of the weekend.
Which leaves us with Option No. 3, which came to fruition on Sunday. Some goofball, in his infinite(ly drunk and stupid) wisdom, ran under the ropes and toward the seventh green at CordeValle to attack Woods with...a hot dog?
Apparently, that was all the perpetrator, an unidentified 31-year-old man from Santa Rosa, could "mustard." The man dropped to the ground and put his hands behind his back shortly after launching the mystery meat into the air, thereby allowing the Santa Clara sheriff's deputies to "ketchup" and arrest him.
Woods didn't seem to relish the moment all that much, telling Yahoo! Sports:
“Some guy just came running on the green, and he had a hot dog, and evidently … I don’t know how he tried to throw it, but I was kind of focusing on my putt when he started yelling. Next thing I know, he laid on the ground, and looked like he wanted to be arrested because he…put his hands behind his back and turned his head.”
Frankly, Woods, and the PGA as a whole, should thank this sauced-up loon for his antics. The guy brought more attention to the Frys.com Open than Woods alone managed to. After all, would anyone really have cared about Woods, who finished a "chili" 30th with a seven-under 277 for the weekend, had he not been bum-rushed by buns?
And what about this pupped perp? Did he not consider that a burger would've made for a much more aerodynamic edible weapon? Perhaps he's more partial to javelins than Frisbees.
The real danger, though, would've come from Woods eating a hot dog, not being struck by one. With all those nitrates, spare parts and unidentified chemicals, that meat-like cylinder could've done serious damage to Woods' diet.
On the bright side, at least Woods and his people now have an in to set up an endorsement deal with Oscar Mayer.