SEC Football Picks: Larry's Losers in the SEC Week 2. Can We Be More Perfect?

Larry Burton (Syndicated Writer) last week, me and pigskin pickin' pooch parlayed platitudes of plentiful picks perfectly. That dog couldn't be happier even if a semi truck of Gravy Train overturned in front of the loser's football facility here in Panama City Beach.

Houston Nutt gave us a scare before finally blowing it as we predicted and Auburn came close to a Cat catastrophe before pulling out a wondrous win over woeful Aggies.

Nothing makes us prouder than to have a week of perfect picks and we're chewing on the same smart cookies we ate last week in hopes of the same reliable results, so let's just jump right in.

UConn at Vanderbilt

In what could be a tougher game to pick than might appear, the Commodores came off cruisin' away with a big 45-14 win over Elon and the UConn Canines raised their leg on Fordham 35-3, so both have a little confidence coming into this contest.

Now this year's Husky team is lead by Paul Pasqualoni and while he may not be a Randy Edsall, he's quite a good coach and has a host of Huskies left over that know how to win.

This is the game that me and the pooch both feel uneasy about, but in the end, in this fight of Dog versus Commodores, the fight's gonna be on dry land and the pooches will have the last bite.

Larry's loser—Vanderbilt

Cincinnati at Tennessee

For the second straight week a bunch a bears try and bully the boys from Knoxville. These, however, are Bearcats from Cincinnati and come in with their claws still bloody from a 72-10 scratchin' of the Austin Peay Governors last week.

But piling on a platitude of points on Peay brained players don't seem to upset the Volunteers who took care of the last clawed creatures to creep into Neyland Stadilum 42-16.

This ain't the Cincy team of a few years ago and the Vols don't aim to let them get back to upper echelons of football by taking a win over an SEC team and when the black powder smoke clears, you'll see the Vols have sharpened their aim a little this season.

Larry's loser—Cincinnati

South Carolina at Georgia

Steve Spurrier brings his spurred Chickens down to Athens to make a statement that the SEC East is still his for the taking but the Bulldogs of Mark Richt plan to spring a little surprise on the Carolina Cluckers and coral them in the coup between the hedges.

Last week the Roosters were rattled until they re-inserted the rascally Stephen Garcia and then the peck party went on as planned.

The bungling Bulldogs were kicked to the curb last week by the Boise Broncos and it won't get much better this week as the Dogs' dreams of greatness gets pecked away by a flock of fowls. Maybe they won't wear those stupid uniforms they did last week and at least won't look like a clown in a beat down.

Larry's loser—Georgia

Central Michigan at Kentucky

The Chippewas from Central Michigan mosey down to Kentucky and hope to trap some fur for trading up North. If they watched the Cats struggle against lowly Western Kentucky last week there's hope that they could pull it off.

Joker Phillips didn't get good reviews for last week's win and he's intent on whippin' the Wildcats in warriors once again.

Good thing for him he'll have another lowly opponent to practice on before the schedule starts heatin' up and the Kentucky clawed ones should shred the Chippewas all the way back to the reservation.

Larry's loser—Central Michigan

UAB at Florida

The Bama Blazers fly into Florida ready to kickoff their season by showing these reptiles that a Dragon is the king of the reptile world.

But this gaggle of Gators will greet the fire breathers on their home swamp and treat them about as nicely as did the Owls last week, when they winged in from FAU.

This contest will give the Gators a chance to refine their roughness before getting to the real meat of the schedule and they'll show that the hide of a Gator is much thicker than a fire breathing behemoth.

Larry's loser—UAB

Mississippi State at Auburn

Mullen's Mutts start the SEC schedule on the road against a team of toothless Tigers but I don't think they'll show much sympathy for the clawless Kitties from Auburn.

Last week the Bulldog boys bulldozed some Memphis Kitties 59-14 and only a fourth quarter touchdown against the Bulldog's ninth string made it that close.

Meanwhile, Auburn was fighting for their life against the worst team they could play all season. If you have a weak stomach, this might not be a fun contest to watch.

Larry's loser—Auburn

Southern Illinois at Ole Miss

I had no idea what the heck a Southern Illinois Saluki was but the precocious pug here informed me that it's a breed of dog from back in the Cleopatra days of Egypt and I'll bet you only thought this pooch knew football.

So now I know they're a pack of pooches with a Napoleon complex and they come rollin' into Rebel country where the the Southern Shapshooters are still smartin' from a loss from BYU that could've easily gone the other way.

Anytime an SEC team plays a team that you didn't even know what their mascot's name meant is an easy pick, even if it's the lowly Rebels.

Larry's loser—Southern Illinois

Northwestern State at LSU

Quick, can anybody name Northwestern State's mascot? Where does the SEC find these teams? Is there a special section in the Yellow Pages under Cupcakes I've missed?

OK, to give you the answer, the Demons from Northwestern State will try and come down to LSU and cast a spell over these Cajun Kitties. But the only mojo that works around these parts is maybe a little voodoo and that ain't in the Demon's repertoire.

If the Tigers just embarrassed the No. 3 team in the country, there ain't a prayer in Hades or spell these demons can cast that will keep these Kitties from performing their own remake of the movie "The Exorcist" on these Demons.

Larry's loser—Northwestern State

New Mexico at Arkansas

The Lobos from New Mexico come lollygagging into the Pig Pen in Arkansas this week thinking they can pilfer a pig or two for a tasty meal. But if they thought that last week's 14-10 loss against a flock of Colorado Sheep was tough, wait till they meet the tip of tusks on these Razorbacks.

A lot of people thought that the Hogs would have a high rollin' offense this season and the 51-7 beat down of the Missouri State Bears showed that indeed they do.

Now these Lobos should put up a better fight, but results will be the same and the fur will be sent flying.

Larry's loser—New Mexico

Alabama at Penn State

Both teams looked good last week as they steamrolled slovenly slackers from the bottom of the college football pool and this will be the first real contest either team will have tussled with.

The prideful Pachyderms prance into Penn State with last year's memory of a thorough thumping of the Nittany Lions still fresh on their minds, but a cornered Kitty will fight a lot harder on his home turf and last year's battle means little to the war that will happen this week.

While both offenses may have put up a pile of points on pointless people last week, the question now is can they do it against more meaningful manpower?

This should be an interesting game that will show that winner has a bright future and the loser needs to a little more work.

Larry's loser—Penn State

Ok folks, let's see if we can go two for two for perfect picks. If you disagree with any of the picks, let us know in the comment section below. And if you missed last week's special video selections where the Pigskin Pickin' Pug and I can be seen in high definition from the Tiki Bar of the Larry's loser lodging, you can see it here.

Till next week, keep rootin' for your favorite team and may they be on the other side of the the picks I make each week.