Netherlands Christen No. 1 FIFA Ranking with 11-0 Rout of San Marino

Disclaimer:

If you love stories of valiant resistance in the face of improbable odds, you should probably click away now (but thanks for the hit!)

The Netherlands have long been (Marco van) Bast-ions of positive attacking football.

From the Total Football-ing sides of the 1970s, who wowed with their technical prowess, to the Bergkamp-led technical wizards of the late 90s to the most recent star-studded bunch, Holland places a premium on skill.

And boy, do they do that well.

On a late-summer Friday night in Eindhoven, the Dutch hosts delivered a comprehensive display of that unique blend of domination against a wholly over-matched San Marino in a Euro 2012 qualifier.

Fresh off being named the No. 1 team in FIFA's most recent batch of international team rankings, Holland's players might have felt they had something to prove.

Because, after all, the No. 1 ranking is nice, but it doesn't quite banish the unhappy addendum that the Oranje have yet to win a World Cup title. With their new positioning, Holland bears the David Duval asterisk of football—theirs is the first nation to be ranked first in the world without having won a World Cup title.

In facing the team all the way at the other end of the ranking spectrum (San Marino are dead-last, and show no indication of moving up anytime soon), the Dutch had a chance to strut their stuff before a more difficult test on Tuesday away to Finland.

San Marino entered the match bearing the inglorious distinction of having let in 33 goals with nary a victory to show for their (severe) troubles in seven previous qualifying matches.

Oh, how that record would become ever-more sullied after this one. Crazy eights wouldn't begin to describe it.

When the final whistle blew, their players must have shot straight for the bars, while statisticians began furiously researching whether this side is on its way to the ignominious record of having the worst goal differential. Ever (they now sit at minus-44).

In searching for sources of pride, however, the San Marino-ans can at least point to the fact that theirs is the oldest sovereign state in the world.

And it only took the Dutch six minutes to open the scoring against them.

When the scoring came, it came thick and fast. A Robin van Persie opener, off a lovely Mark van Bommel weighted chip, was soon followed by a splendid individual effort by No. 10 Wesley Sneijder, who touched the ball behind his legs from left to right just outside the penalty area, took an extra touch to distance himself and then curled a perfect shot into the top left corner of the net.

It was vintage Sneijder. It was sheer quality. It was 2-0 Netherlands.

A lone bright spot on the night for the visitors was the play of their own No. 10, Andy Selva. After nearly hitting the goal of the year a season ago with a spectacular 40-foot volleyed strike, he was again at the fore of the events.

He sent one brilliant 25-yard effort sizzling just wide of Martin Stekelenburg's goal, and "endeared" himself to Dutch defenders and fans alike with his comical acting displays on the pitch.

Well, the antics grew tiresome to the defenders, who were charged with the task of picking his sprawled-out body off the pitch what seemed every minute, but the fans had to afford themselves a chuckle at his concerted effort to draw cards on each Dutch player, apparently with the idea that if he couldn't beat them through skill, he'd get them all expelled and win by default.

He was wildly unsuccessful in his task, but to his credit, he kept plugging away all game.

When you lose most of your games by at least three goals to nil, you might as well start looking for different alternatives. After all, isn't that what they say about madness—it's repeating the same behavior over and over, expecting different results?

If he was going to "lose" his mind either way, he might as well have enjoyed himself during the process.

The Dutch would press on, determined to give their fans their money's worth.

They notched their fifth goal (sorry to skip over three and four, but the goals blend together in matches like these) at the 55:55 mark.

It was a moment that perfectly encapsulated the symmetrical nature of the Dutch performance on a night when their passing was crisp and concise, their technique sublime and their finishing deadly.

By the time the match had mercifully ended (no stoppage time was added after 90 minutes for obvious reasons), it was double-digit Dutch delight.

Eleven-zero to the good, and the Oranje were on the brink of qualification for next summer's European Championships (Sweden and Hungary are currently tied for second place in the group with 15 points, six behind the leaders).

Though you'd be hard-pressed to find someone who'd agree with the FIFA rankings—that Holland is in fact superior to No. 2 Spain at present—Holland, on this night, were alone in their revel. This was one for the history books, and it sent a convincing message to the rest of Europe.

These guys are gonna be forces to be reckoned with come June.