EPL: 5 Reasons Why Bastian Schweinsteiger Would Be Perfect for Arsenal

Arsenal have recently been inundated with rumors of a number of (potentially) spectacular transfer swoops.

The press pull no punches in their dogged pursuit of the juiciest of player moves. One often envisions a situation where a manager—say, Arsene Wenger—swoops into the Real Madrid compound, swashbuckling his way past a number of heavily armed guards to the underground vault, wherein lies Kaka.

After outwitting a snarling Jose Mourinho, Wenger swoops away with his prize. Job well done.

While that might be a bit speculative, transfer season is in fact no easy time for most footballers.

One can imagine Player X waking up in the morning, putting on a pot of coffee, preparing his breakfast, and shuffling his club logo slippers over to the table, whereupon lies the daily paper.

Groggily sifting through the various sections, Player X does a double take, and scrambles back to the sports section.

He wasn't mistaken: that was his name blared across a headline, linked with such-and-such deal, for x-or-x amount of money, that, according to this-and-that source, is very near completion.

All news to Player X, who left training yesterday thinking he'd be with his current club for life.

He must then do damage control, as opening his Twitter page subjects him to thousands of hate-filled vitriol directed @hiscleverscreenname. 

He posts the required response: "I, such-and-such player, have no idea whatsoever who talked to whom on the matter. Because I have never talked to that club. Or that source who claims to have spoken with me confidentially. (I hope that's 140 characters or less oh wai

While it's enough to give even the most level-headed player a sleepless night, I can't help myself from adding to the basket of conjecture.

Having lost Cesc Fabregas and Samir Nasri in just over a week, the rumor mill surrounding Arsenal has kicked into overdrive.

Brazilian playmaker Kaka, young Belgian winger Eden Hazard, and German midfielder Bastian Schweinsteiger have all been linked with potential moves to the Emirates Stadium.

On Monday SkyBet slashed the odds on Kaka making a switch to Arsenal—which is about as sure a thing as you can get in this matter outside of a national team coach like, say, Bert van Marwijk giving his vote of confidence for a certain move involving a certain player of his.

Kaka would be quite the coup—remember, he was unstoppable in the 2007 Champions League against Manchester United while still with AC Milan? He knows a certain something about playing, and playing well at Old Trafford—(wait, do Arsenal play there this weekend? Oooh...interesting....)

But if I had my druthers, I'd vote Schweinsteiger.

Were the German to trade his Bayern kit for an Arsenal one, I honestly don't think Kaka would be needed. In fact, the Brazilian would only block certain youngsters from developing.

And if Wenger does want to spend (aside from "Schweini" of course), he needs to ante up on a central defender and a striker.

But this is for fun: so here are some reasons why it would be real neat if Bastian Schweinsteiger were to become the newest player to call the Emirates Stadium home.

Intimidation Factor

A picture is worth a thousand words (isn't that how the saying goes?). For this one, I'll hold myself to a couple hundred.

Bastian Schweinsteiger may be a joker, or a prankster. I don't honestly know, since I've never met him. But one look at his smokin' hot girlfriend (slide after next), and you can tell that he's probably had to stare down a fair number of prospective "swoopers" trying to steal his fair lady.

If that picture above is any indication, Schweinsteiger cuts quite a regal pose. Something that is desperately lacking in the current Arsenal squad, who often seem to be wiping snot from their noses as they run up and down the field, youthful as they are.

He doesn't dilly-dally with silly exuberance, like fellow German international Mesut Ozil (immediate right on the above picture). He's 27, he's scored enough goals and provided enough assists not to lose his head with the rush of blood inherent in youth.

He's played in two World Cups and a European Championships, and has won silverware with Bayern. He wouldn't allow a 4-0 lead away at Newcastle to evaporate into the Northeastern English air. I wouldn't want to have to face him after being responsible for a goal, anyway.

In a nutshell, he is exactly what Arsenal need at this point. A guy who's been around the block, and knows how to grind out a performance.

It's all well and good when Arsenal put six goals past Blackpool on an immaculate Emirates pitch/billiard green (wow, was that already a year ago?).

It's another thing entirely to win on a freezing evening away at Stoke in February, when the pitch looks like a battlefield from Braveheart, and Ryan Shawcross's confused brute of a mug is standing in the way of goal like the a giant ogre guarding a vital bridge.

Schweinsteiger is a man you'd want on that weather-worn Britannia Stadium pitch (that looks like it's been pitchforked by a spazzed-out groundskeeper) guiding the Gunners to a crucial three points that have so often escaped them in recent campaigns.

At 6'0", he'd be one of the tallest outfield players in the Arsenal lineup, and someone you'd want standing up for Jack Wilshere when John Terry tries to poke his meaty stubs-that-pass-as-fingers into Jack Wilshere's chest.

In watching him play on television for the past couple of years, I've noticed that he's never afraid to let a teammate have a piece of his mind.

With Andrei Arshavin often floating into attacking la la land rather than tracking back on the wing, Schweinsteiger would be the kind of vocal enforcer who could make sure the little Russian did his job.

That funny did-I-make-a-mistake face so often employed by Arshavin wouldn't fly with the big German.

Jack Wilshere's Development

Uli Hesse wrote a brilliant piece last week for Soccernet, in which he dissected the formation revolution that has been sweeping across German football—a veritable hurricane that has left no team untouched.

To compete in the modern Rhineland, as FC Cologne have found out only too well (they have refused to switch to the set-up, to disastrous effect, if you look at their standing in the Bundesliga) you need to get with ze program.

Hesse was speaking of the 4-2-3-1, which has largely replaced the generic 4-4-2 of yesteryear.

The former relies on two deep-lying central midfielders—one a defensive enforcer, the other playing what the Germans describe as the "No. 6" role, or that of a creative holding midfielder. Two wingers make inroads down the flanks, and a central attacking midfielder is allowed free reign to roam in the attacking third. The No. 6 is then called upon to dictate play in the center of the park.

Since sliding into that No. 6 role, for both club and country, Schweinsteiger has thrived. No, that's an understatement. He has flown.

A superb technician and distributor, who packs a powerful punch in that prodigious right boot of his, Schweinsteiger is the perfect embodiment of the No. 6.

Interestingly enough, Arsene Wenger has utilized a close relative of the 4-2-3-1 in recent seasons. Though he elects for a "4-3-3", the two formations are nearly one and the same.

Last season, with Cesc Fabregas (when fit) filling the role of attacking midfielder, where he was allowed to roam about the attacking third with abandon, Jack Wilshere slotted into a more withdrawn central midfield role, alongside the defensive midfielder Alex Song—i.e. the No. 6.

Wilshere's future is as an attacking midfielder, but he was brilliant in that role for Arsenal last season, conjuring up spectacular performances in key matches.

Were Schweinsteiger to don the red-and-white shirt of Arsenal, Wilshere could move into the role vacated by the now-departed Fabregas.

With the young Englishman sending defenders into a tizzy with his electrifying change of pace during the preseason tour (especially when he ran roughshod over Boca Juniors during the Emirates Cup—no pushover as a side); it would be quite interesting to see how he would acquit himself there during the course of the season.

#Winning Mentality

Ah, the perks of being a professional footballer.

Well, a famous professional footballer. That Seattle Sounders player might go out with Alex Morgan, but he's the exception to that league's rule.

As I mentioned in the introductory slide, Schweinsteiger has a wealth of experience. He's won numerous trophies with Bayern Munich, and gets to go home to this lovely lady.

If that's not #winning, Charlie Sheen, then I don't know what is.

All joking aside, it's that kind of mindset that would be supremely beneficial to Arsenal, whose current crop of players have never won anything of significance (I think Johan Djourou and Robin van Persie may be the only remaining members—and I'm quite sure they didn't feature in the final—of the FA Cup-winning side in 2005.)

When Arsene Wenger brought back Sol Campbell in 2010 to deputize in central defense, it wasn't just to shore up the defensive shortcomings.

He wanted his club to be around a true winner—a member of the undefeated Invincibles, a man who had seen it all during his career. Playing with Campbell in training and watching him on match day could only be a boon for the youngsters.

Though his best days were behind him, Campbell was a consummate professional, and his experience certainly didn't hurt the squad.

Schweinsteiger's arrival would be a much-needed confidence boost for a side that is sorely looking for some good news.

Just today, the injured Conor Henderson tweeted, "The night is darkest just before the dawn!"

Yikes. Didn't realize it'd gotten ''Gotham subjected to the Joker's reign of terror in Dark Knight' bad.

If youngsters like Emmanuel Frimpong or Ignasi Miquel saw that a player of Schweinsteiger's class, a regular starter for both his international side and club, had elected to come to the Emirates to play for Arsenal, they might just get a little extra pep in their step. Some semblance of self-belief might seep back into their minds.

They'd realize that not every top star wants to leave Arsenal in order to win.

Some stars still come to Arsenal to do just that.

A Playing Style Conducive to the Premier League

Schweinsteiger's never been one to shy away from a tackle, and would bring a sense of hard-nosed discipline to North London.

A deep-lying central midfield tandem of Song-Schweinsteiger would be a welcome sight during the rigors of the Premier League season. I'd like to see Joey Barton have a go at those two when Newcastle visit the Emirates.

He is highly skilled technically, possesses a venomous shot (which I'll get to later), and spreads play brilliantly.

There was a reason he was strongly linked with a transfer to Chelsea in years past. League scouts realize he's a player that could make the switch from another league seemlessly—such a tall order for many (cough, cough Andrei Shevchenko)— much in the manner of compatriot Michael Ballack, who joined Chelsea in 2006.

Just as you never felt that throat-clutching sense of doubt whenever Ballack stepped up to take a penalty while with Chelsea, Schweinsteiger engenders that same sort of confidence when he is called upon to contribute in a pivotal role.

Emmanuel Frimpong showed glimpses of his potential in attack with some breathtaking runs against Liverpool, but the fact remains that since Mathieu Flamini left the central defensive midfield in 2008, Arsenal have struggled in that area of the field.

Alex Song has become a top player, but with Schweinsteiger, Arsenal would have an added dimension of attack.

Song always looks a bit awkward when going forward, as if he's trying really hard to be something he's not. Even Flamini often held back while Fabregas roamed about in central midfield when those two were playing together in central midfield.

Schweinsteiger began his career farther up the pitch, so he is no stranger to pushing forward. During matches with both Bayern and Germany, he often coasts upfield to join attacks.

Shot from Distance

If you've ever watched an Arsenal match when Carlos Vela was on the pitch then, like me, you are likely accumulating a number of televisions in the depths of your basement with remote control-sized holes in the screens.

The man who never met a chipped attempt on goal he didn't like is the poster boy for Arsenal's maddening tendency to "walk the ball into the net."

Announcers love to reference this maddening playing style, as Arsenal build up play around the periphery of the penalty area, with nary a player electing to shoot.

The away game at Old Trafford in December 2010 strikes a particularly resonant chord in this matter. Arsenal's only dangerous chance on goal in the entire first half was a weak left-footed shot by Samir Nasri falling away from the edge of the penalty area.

Suffice to say, the ball bounced its way, non-threateningly, toward Edwin van der Sar, who wasn't too bothered.

Schweinsteiger's Pro Evolution Soccer pixilated version has long had the "long-distance shot" attribute. In real life, it's a cracker when struck truly. He doesn't think twice about letting fly, either.

Bixente Lizarazu, a World Cup and European Champion with France, had a lengthy career with Bayern Munich.

Speaking about the German philosophy of play to French sports newspaper L'Equipe, Lizarazu explained how dumbfounded he was upon arriving to one of his first training sessions with the German club. His teammates, instead of starting upon the customary warm up job, instead began striking long-distance shots.

It's no secret why so many long-distance shooting experts are of German descent. Der Hammer, Thomas Hitzlsperger, who plays with Wolfsburg, is one of the most famous. Lukas Podolski, with that firecracker of a left foot, also comes to mind.

Schweinsteiger is no different. That added dimension would be a boon for Arsenal, who too often let opportunities to shoot from distance "pass" them by.

Ain't No "BS"...Unless of Course You're Talking About Bastian Schweinsteiger

If the painful departures of Cesc Fabregas and Samir Nasri have taught Arsenal anything, it is (to quote the character of Jay from 40 Year Old Virgin) that "what you've been doing hasn't been working."

While "trying some wrong" might be a bit of a stretch at this point, it is true that if Arsenal are to push past this current dark spell that threatens to swallow the season whole, a more direct playing style may be to their benefit.

Three points are three points, after all, no matter how they were acquired. And while Wenger would have a minor heart attack even considering abandoning his pass-happy philosophy, if Arsenal are to become a consistent threat, they need a switch.

They have provided little in the way of true goal-scoring chances during their first three matches. Robin van Persie can't be relied upon to score from free kicks in each match, and Theo Walcott's goal against Udinese proved to be Arsenal's last threat of the game.

And don't even get me started on the Liverpool game. Arsenal's attack dried up faster than a drop of water in the Nefud.

Why not try out Wilshere in Ramsey's current role of attacking midfielder. With the Welshman still struggling to regain first-team form since being 'Shawcrossed' at Stoke 18 months ago, it might be to his benefit to be brought along slowly.

And if Wilshere were to succeed in that role, which I think he can, Wenger could keep Schweinsteiger in the withdrawn role in central midfield.

No more unproven 19-year-olds getting sent off due to rash challenges.

With Schweinsteiger, Arsenal would gain a proven leader, and a top-drawer talent.

And if he can make the red-eye to Manchester by the weekend, of course, that would be optimal.