Outside the Box: This Week in Football, August 2

Welcome to the first ever Bleacher Report Edition of "This Week in Football." In this brand new column, I will analyze the top soccer stories of each week and keep you updated on the big picture in all the places that call the beautiful game "football." Come back every Friday for updates on the good, the bad and the funny of European Football. 

Introduction Notes:

The majority of this column will be written on European football (club or international).

Transfer Rumors will have a place in this column, but there are enough great writers already on this site to give you the skinny on each European move. 

If you have a funny footi video and would like to see it next week's column, you can contact me at [e-mail] or @RBStampede (Twitter). 

In the News: Balotelli, Barton, and Valencia

Super Mario Unhappy

Mario Balotelli recently claimed that he dislikes the city of Manchester and is a little homesick for Brescia, Italy. His attitude towards the club greatly reflects that of Carlos Tevez, who has also desired to move away from Eastlands.

Thoughts: This news shouldn’t come as a surprise, as the Italian forward has been under loads of scrutiny since arriving in the prestigious city. After a year of hyperbolic self-reflections and simple silliness, the feeling of sickness for the majority of fans is most-likely mutual. Balotelli’s most recent incident came in a friendly against the LA Galaxy. When on a breakaway, he decided to “maradona” the ball into the net. Will Balotelli see out his contract through 2015? Probably not. But if one thing is for sure, it is that City can’t afford to lose Mario mentally or physically in this upcoming season. 

Barton Free to Leave

 Bad boy Joey Barton was labeled free after a few weeks of disagreement between him and soon to be former club Newcastle United. Barton’s possible destinations include: Birmingham City, Arsenal and Tottenham.

Thoughts: Barton could truly be one of the transfer steals of the summer. At 28 years old, the British bad boy still has a few good years left in him and could be the fiery character needed for a less aggressive team. Barton would provide experience to a squad like Arsenal and would certainly help the Gunners in tough, chippy games. Of course, there is always the danger of Barton performing off the field as well, but anything that is free is worth the risk. 

Valencia Signed Through 2015-

Manchester United winger Antonio Valencia is bound to stay at Old Trafford for a few more years after extending his contract through the 2014-15 season.

Thoughts: It is a deal that certainly will provide some interesting First XI battles in the next couple of years. Of course, with Ashley Young signing with United just last month and Nani already establishing himself as one of the league’s best, United now has three in prime wingers battling for two spots. However, if Valencia’s main goal is to win trophies, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind subbing a little more than normal at United next season. 

Top Story: World Cup UEFA Qualifying Draw Released

With the 2014 World Cup Qualifying draw done and ready to be analyzed, it is time to look at the winners and losers of this event.

Winner: Greece

The Greeks couldn’t help but walk away from this Qualifying draw with a little smirk on their face. Hopefully, I am not the only one surprised that a country who failed to reach the Sweet 16 of the 2010 World Cup and has scored only eight goals in Euro Qualifying is a top seed in this year's draw. Greece is no more qualified than France or Slovakia for that honor and now finds itself in one of the easiest qualifying groups of the competition. If Greece can edge out the ever challenging Liechtenstein, they should be a lock for their second straight World Cup appearance.

Loser: Ireland

While the majority of soccer fans have been sympathizing for France, I will take a completely different approach. Poor little Ireland, who were unjustly knocked out of World Cup qualifying in 2010, were placed in a horrific Group C with Germany, Sweden and Austria. It seems as though the Irish got no discount for FIFA’s blunder with Henry, and instead were punished for possibly thinking a World Cup appearance was possible. With a difficult group ahead, Giovanni Trapattoni now has a large mountain to climb. We can only wonder whether luck will shift its way over to the Irish for this campaign.

Other Awards:

Group of Death- Group A

Belgium has the potential to be a World Cup sleeper in 2014, but they will have to make it past Croatia, Serbia and Scotland to even get the opportunity to surprise.

Teams that could surprise:

Bosnia Herzegovina: After barely missing out on the 2010 World Cup, Dzeko and company will be determined to dominate in an easy Group G.

Switzerland: The Swiss are led by German legend Ottmar Hitzfeld and could very well be the surprise team of 2014. With a favorable group as well, the Swiss have a great chance at coming to life in this qualifying campaign.

Israel: Lost in the Euro qualifying wackiness is the fact that Israel is ranked 32 in the FIFA rankings. For those counting at home, that is just one spot below the USMNT. 

Goal of the Week: Thiago

Thiago's goal vs Manchester United was truly world class. Check it out!

Funny Footi

Alex Wisgerhof's Flop

If you haven't yet seen football's latest embarrassing flopper, it is time to take a look. The season has just begun, and Wisgerhof is already a dive of the year candidate. 

Porto Not interested in Buying the World?

Apparently, Porto was offered 80 million dollars for their Brazilian Hulk last week and REJECTED the offer. The club is apparently not willing to sell their star for anything less than 100 million euros. To put things in perspective, Cristiano Ronaldo was signed for a mere 80 million in 2009.