Boston Red Sox: 5 Biggest Lunatics from the Past Decade

David Ortiz, condemned for violently swinging his left hook on Friday (to the tune of a four game suspension) and lauded for violently swinging his lefty bat on Monday, has this writer thinking: 

Who are the biggest Red Sox lunatics of the past decade?

Sure, it takes a certain kind of crazy to play under the Fenway lights, but which Red Sox rascals could have used an off-night visit to Mass General's psychiatric wing for further examination?

This Faithful slideshow investigates the five biggest nut cases of the past decade and provides each a movie character correlation. 

Honorable Mention: Israel Cristostomo Alcantara

Former prospect Izzy Alcantara kick starts this slideshow with a memorable meltdown on July 3rd, 2001 in Triple-A Pawtucket.

Izzy didn't take too kindly to being thrown at by pitcher Blas Cedeño; apparently, he didn't much care for catcher Jeremy Salazar either. 

Or he'd been watching too much Walker, Texas Ranger. 

Movie character who closely resembles his lunacy: Kurt Sloane, Kickboxer

5. Manuel Aristides Ramirez Onelcida

It may have been all the female fertility cocktails, but Manny Ramirez was as unstable as the strangest of ex-girlfriends. 

Whether Manny was shoving the Red Sox traveling secretary to the ground, DJ-ing games with MP3 sunglasses, or sitting (supposedly too ill to play) in a bar with, gasp, a Yankee, episodes of Manny being Manny never ceased to be dull or ventured to be rational. 

He lost a $15,000 diamond earring sliding into third while rehabbing in Pawtucket.  He knighted the Green Monster his Green Personal Bathroom.  And his hair hailed from another realm. 

But it was a lovable, contagious lunacy; and, boy, did he ever leave the Faithful entertained (and world champions twice over). 

He could hit pretty well, too.

Movie character who closely resembles his lunacy: Doc Brown, Back to the Future

4. Rickey Henley Henderson

Picture an athlete in the nude swinging a baseball bat before a full-length mirror, informing himself on repeat (in third person, no less) that he is the best of all time. 

On second thought, don’t picture that.  Just know that Rickey Henderson comes in at lunatic number four on this list.

The greatest lead-off hitter of all time was one of baseball’s greatest characters with an ego to match.  The quotes and accounts of Rickey are, no doubt, a mixture of fact and fan fiction, but any of them could be true which makes them all the more captivating. 

Did he really ask Tom Werner for John Henry’s actual Mercedes as an end-of-the-year gift?  Did he really not know the name of his hitting coach for the Mets?  Did he really frame a one million dollar check from the Athletics and hang it on his wall rather than cash it? 

All we know is, as Rickey may still remark to his disrobed reflection, “Rickey is the best.”

Movie character who closely resembles his lunacy: Jesus Quintana, The Big Lebowski

3. Jose Antonio Offerman Dono

This Faithful slideshow moves from the eccentric to the violent beginning with Jose Offerman.

On August 14th, 2007, playing for the Long Island Ducks, the former Red Sox charged the mound, his bat held high, and attacked.  He struck Bridgeport Bluefish catcher John Nathans in the head (causing a concussion that allegedly ended his baseball career) and broke pitcher Matt Beech’s finger.  Offerman was ejected, arrested by Bridgeport police, suspended indefinitely and sentenced to what can only have been double secret probation.

Around the majors, former teammates and coaches wondered aloud how someone so seemingly mild-mannered could snap like that.

He comes in at lunatic number three.  

Movie Character who closely resembles his lunacy: Al Capone, The Untouchables

2. Carl Edward Everett III

Carl Everett doesn't believe in dinosaurs because Adam and Eve didn't see them.

Carl Everett would consider retiring if a teammate were gay. 

Carl Everett doubts Neil Armstrong landed on the moon. 

Carl Everett thinks Wrigley Field should implode. 

Carl Everett says it is proven that 99% of baseball fans have no idea what they're watching.

Carl Everett once head-butted an umpire. 

Carl Everett was arrested in 2011 for assault with a deadly weapon and tampering with a witness. 

Carl Everett is lunatic number two. 

Movie character who closely resembles his lunacy: Mel Gibson, The Day a Mel Gibson Biopic Comes Out While the Earth Stood Still 

1. Ugueth Urtain Urbina Villarreal

Uggy Urbina always seemed unstable as the Red Sox closer.  It turns out the Red Sox didn't know the half of it. 

On November 7, 2005, Urbina was arrested in his home country of Venezuela and charged with attempted murder.  He allegedly attacked five farm workers on his property with a machete and attempted to pour gasoline on them as well.  He had accused the workers of stealing a gun. 

Urbina was convicted of these crimes and sentenced to over 14 years in a Venezuelan prison. 

It will take a lot for a Red Sox player to wrestle lunatic No. 1 from Uggy Urbina; although just wrestling with Uggy might grant him the No. 2 slot. 

Movie character who resembles his lunacy: Tony Montana, Scarface