Chicago Cubs: Tom Ricketts and 5 Cubs Who Need to Step It Up
With a quarter of the MLB season completed, the Chicago Cubs sit 6.5 games behind the first-place St. Louis Cardinals. A season of ups and downs, mostly downs, can still be saved if... wait, who are we kidding? This is a horrible baseball team and a horror to the eye. Instead of needlessly praying for Tony Campana and James Russell to lead this team to a division title, here are five things that must occur in order to make Cubs games watchable again.
5.The Return of Summer Weather
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Ever since a priest (yes, just more great press for the priesthood) was brought in to sprinkle holy water at the grounds of Wrigley Field, prior to game one of 2008 NLDS, watching Cubs baseball has become an event one should only experience in passing or while drunk due to beer or the sun.Yes, it's a state of being which I have coined "sun drunk". The ecstasy and bliss that one experiences from sun drunk can be a lovely diversion, that allows one to attend a Chicago Cubs baseball game and actually enjoy themselves. The lack of hitting with runners in scoring position, the Ryan Dempster gopher balls and the continuous run of errors, all lose its importance after becoming intoxicated from the sun's rays. Well thanks to the Chicago weather gods, and the all to familiar 55 and rainy days, both the Cubs performance and the weather have left much to desire. While a Matt Garza winning streak would be nice, I'll settle for a 80 degree and sunny streak.
4. A Milton Bradlesque Character
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When one speaks of a "Jordanesque" performance they conjure up the grace, elegance, and perfection that was Michael Jordan. When I mention the desire for a Milton Bradley-esque player to this 2011 Chicago Cubs roll-out I am hoping, better yet craving, a player who can single handily manage to make everyone in his locker room hate him, a player whose pre-game interviews (when he's speaking to the media, of course) serve as a perfect case study for a college psychology course and whose on field antics make Carlos Zambrano look timid and controlled. While Milton Bradley never helped the Cubs win, he sure did bring drama and entertainment, to what other wise was a pretty depressing 2009 Cubs season. So step number two to making the Cubs watchable again is having a Milton Bradley-esque performer. Now, the Cubs could simply re-sign Bradley, who was released last Monday by the Seattle Marineers, but we all know sequels are rarely as good as their predecessors. So I'm imploring one of the Cubs players to take that difficult step up. Someone needs to fill that void that Milton Bradley left two seasons ago. I'm calling upon 5'8, scrappy-team All-American, Darwin Barney. While Barney, isn't that just fun to say, doesn't necessarily bode the physical stature or fixed position of anger look that Milton Bradley has mastered, wouldn't it be fun to watch him try.The sight of Barney, standing on his toes attempting to reach eye level of an umpire, who had the nerve to call him out on strikes would be a DVR-save and record- moment. So while his jersey is too big and his smile too wide he does share one thing in common with Milton Bradley, a hilarious name that allows for a fun alter ego.
3. Less Baseball and More Burning Hairpieces and Marriage Tips
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While Ron Santo wasn't the greatest analytical color man to ever step in a broadcast both he always found a way to keep the broadcast entertaining and fun. Santo passed away in December of last year and has since been replaced by straight laced booth man Keith Moreland. Now if the Cubs actually played an ounce of interesting baseball I'd love the addition of the former Cubs outfielder to the radio booth, already maned by the great Pat Hughes. But as we know the Cubs are more of a sad drama then a exhibition of baseball excellence and that's when Santo shined. Whether it was fun stories of the good ole' days, his famous moans, groans and "Oh,No's!', or the occurrence of his hair piece catching fire, Santo was always able to keep your mind OFF the game. Hopefully Moreland, at least for this season or until the Cubs actually become a watchable product, can incorporate some of this into his calls.
On the television side the more Len Kasper and Bob Brenly refrain from baseball talk the better. Not that they aren't a solid 1-2 punch in the booth, but they actually keep me quite entertained with their talk of music and Bob Brenly's daily marriage advice. I'm thinking that for at least two innings the camera should remain on Len and Bob and they can conduct a talk show of sorts, only panning to the field when a scoring play happens. I gotta pitch that idea to WGN before someone else does.
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2. Mike Quade: Entertainer of the Year
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The manager of a major market MLB team can become a larger than life figure. Whether they want to or not their every move will be scrutinized, analyzed and there will always be a microphone in their face to record their every thought. Certain managers choose to run and hide while others grab the platform and never look back. First year manager Mike Quade has been more then amicable to the media and has been honest, open and revealingly in all his interviews. But its easy to be nice, open and friendly as the interm manager, as Quade was the final 37 games of 2010. With this season on a downward spiral that seems to have no other direction than further down, it will be interesting to see how Quade responds. In my thirst for enjoyment and entertainment lets hope Quade can make every pre and post game interview as interesting and the south side's skipper Ozzie Guillen manages to do. This is not to say Guillen is a great manager, but he is always entertaining and different. If the Cubs are going to continue to lose, don't be vanilla, Mike Quade. Go out with a bang.
1. Tom Ricketts, Get a Clue
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While its always fun to joke around about the ineptitude which is the Chicago Cubs, its just a way many Cubs fans, including myself, have learned to deal with the disease known as "Cubdom". This disease is knowing that even being 6.5 games out of first place in May, means the season is over. This disease means having a clean up hitter, Aramis Rameriz, who has one home run, in a CONTRACT year. The incurable disease of Cubdom means, not being able to enjoy the rising greatness, which is Starlin Castro, because you know coming up in the batting order is Mr. Spin-a-rama Kosuke Fukudome.
The key ingredient to future Cubs success won't come from any five players currently on the roster. Nor will it come from any combination of line up changes Mike Quade will use this season. No, the problem with the Chicago Cubs is the early poor decision making that has been shown by the Rickett Family and their decision to retain Jim Hendry.
The poor signings, stupid trades and the lack of winning this franchise has occurred the past decade can be placed at the door step of Jim Hendry. Why Tom Ricketts has allowed Hendry to stay on board all this time? Who knows, Hendry must have some Arnold Schwarzeneger love-child type dirt on Tom Ricketts. But If the Cubs are serious about winning, the first thing they'll need to do is find a new general manger. Then maybe, just maybe, Cubs baseball can become watchable once again.
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