NFL: The 0-2 Blues

People say that you're no good,
But I wouldn't bet on you, baby, even if I could.

Lord, you got those Oh come two blues,
Lord, you got those Oh and two blues,
Yes, you do, oh and you got to be feelin' like a fool.

-Greg Allman serenades the losers of the NFL.

No one wants to be 0-2. No one, except maybe Norv Turner, expected to be 0-2. No one worked all summer hoping to in the 0-2 hole. But as the 0-2 Big Tuna, Bill Parcells, likes to sarcastically say, "It is what it is."

The Tuna and his rebuilding Dolph Fish perhaps get a pass. The Miami Dolphins were not expected to be very good, though losing to the perennially bad Bidwell Red Birds is never a bonus for morale purposes.

But, what about the other Football Floridians? The 0-2 Jacksonville Jaguars? This team was supposed to be a playing like a Super Bowl contender, not a September Swan. Sure they have injuries along the offensive line, but the offense is downright unimaginative and conservative, as it usually is. With looming trips to Indianapolis and Denver, and Pittsburgh at home, its looks like a bleak start for the Florida cats and Jacksonville Jack Del Rio.

And the Minnesota Vikings? Apparently Brad Childress sees something in QB Tarvaris Jackson that no one else does. Jackson was bad against the Packers. A 3rd-and-8 might as well as been 3rd-and-38.

16 yards passing in the second half? Disgraceful.

Some sharps picked the Vikes to make the big bowl but now they are two games behind the Green bay Packers and have no other viable QB option on the roster except for journeyman Gus Ferotte, late of Tulsa. This is a team wasting its talent when it should be peaking.

Norv Turner always starts seasons slow and ends them badly. It's kind of a tradition with him. The San Diego Chargers were picked by many to seize the AFC crown, but instead their fans are wearing their usual Southern California Football frown. Even with its injuries the team has loads of talent. What can you say but "buy the Norv, take the ride."

What's wrong with the state of Ohio? The Cincinnati Bengals are, of course, still the Bungles. What more can one expect from that sad sack poorly run criminal ridden franchise which Marvin Lewis will gladly soon depart? QB Carson Palmer doesn't seem too interested in playing football anymore and the attention craving, high maintenance  receiver is a narcissistic moron.

The wide out, El Hombre Invisible, should have been sent to the Redskins for that first round draft pick. But that's just the Bungles being the Bungles. But what's wrong with the Cleveland Browns?

The Browns, despite not winning a playoff game since Bernie Kosar was a babe, were loudly proclaiming their emergence. Instead, the Browns are a bomb. A bomb in the old-school, pre-American Idol sense of being bad.

The offense is bad. The high priced wide out can't catch the pigskin. The QB looks angry and confused. O Romeo, Romeo, what's up with your offense Romeo? At least the Battle of Ohio looms in two weeks where either the Browns or the Bungles will not be defeated. But they could be tied.

Pro football in Missouri has been this depressed since the Civil War. The St. Louis Rams are the worst team in the league. Their stars are old, the roster empty of talent, the offense horrid, and the coach, Scott Linehan, will soon be leaving. So might the franchise.

And in Kansas City, Kansas City here we come; the Kansas City Chiefs are a mess. What's worse: They are a boring mess. Who would pay to see that product? Coach Herman Edwards, when he is finally fired, will leave them like he left the New York Jets: demoralized and stripped of talent. How do you make the Oakland Raiders look good? What's playing in Herman's head?

The bluest skies you've ever seen are in Seattle
And the hills the greenest green, in Seattle

And some of the poorest football played is in Seattle. So this was the way Mike Holmgren says farewell to the left coast? The last series that ended with such a boring whimper was The Sopranos.  However, Holmgren has vowed if he loses to the hapless St. Louis Rammies he will not only quit at the end of the game, but return his last two years' salary to give Paul Allen some pocket money. The rest of the Seahags should consider that option also if they are rammed by the hornless Rams.

What about those Motor City Madmen? Krazy Jon Kitna, Mad Matt Millen, Rocking Rod Marinelli, and a cast of slow footed, confused defensive players. It's the Detroit Lions: Still Bad After All These Years. As the Matt Millen Error stumbles to its sad end, dazed Lions faithful long for the glory days of Joey Harrington. What have the Fords FUBARed up more, the Lions or Grandpa's old Motor Company? 

Still 0-2 is better than 0-3, which shortly most of these teams will be.