Bud Adams and Jeff Fisher Come To Terms: A Satirical Walk Down Memory Lane

Transcript of a conversation in Houston, circa January 2011

Bud Adams: Hi Jeff, thanks for coming. How was your flight?

Jeff Fisher: Not bad Bud, on Southwest bags fly free.

BA: Well Jeff, I would have sent the Lear to get you but with the skyrocketing cost of gas…and this lockout business … with no television or gate revenues, money might be a little tight this year.

Awkward Pause...

BA: Well Jeff, we didn’t do too well last year. You know how I like you personally. I’ve been through a lot in this league.

We’ve been through a whole lot together. You know…I’m getting a little forgetful .. That whole meltdown in the second half of the Bills playoff game. That’s when I almost had a heart attack. Oh yeah, and were you there for that Buddy Ryan.. Kevin Gilbride thing on the sidelines.

And Jack Pardee. Jack, what a great guy but he didn’t know a lick about head coaching in the NFL.

Then we had that whole Astrodome mess, and the move to Memphis.

These ungrateful folks around here still won’t forgive or forget…..

JF:  Yes Sir, ….we’ve been through a lot together. How about that Music City Miracle?

BA: Yes, Jeff that was quite a thrill. When was that again?

JF: Not that long ago Sir. That was on January 8, 2000.

BA: Yes, I was a spry 78 then. Time flies and I didn’t realize it had been that long. What’s happened since then?

JF: Well Sir, we had a nice run for a few years with Steve McNair and Eddie George…

BA: Thanks Jeff, it's coming back to me now. Give me a minute…the old computer upstairs runs a little slow sometimes, but it’s all up there.

I know why you’re here.

Yes…. We’ll Jeff,  I’m 88 years old and I really like you but I would like to have one more run at the Super Bowl before I’m gone.

Things have taken a very sour note with this team. Bob McNair called me the other day accusing me of leaving a football curse on the city..and then reminded me that his team had shut us out 20-0.

I was looking at that game against the Colts that Thursday night and thought I heard boos on the television right after we didn’t go for it on fourth and one, down six points with four minutes left in the game.

Were those boos I heard…sometimes this hearing aid acts up a little. And someone told me you wear Peyton Manning jerseys in your spare time. Is that true, Jeff?

JF: How about that Music City Miracle, Bud? We’ve had some great times!

BA: Jeff, what ever happened to that CJ guy we had last year and that running game. And the fat guy we had last year who could run?

JF: That would be LenDale White, sir. We let him go.

BA: What about that other power back that we picked up this year. I thought we were going to use him on short yardage and when we were on the goal line….I liked the way he looked in preseason.

With him in short yardage and CJ and that Ringer guy we should have been unstoppable in the run game…what’s his name, Jeff? …LeGarrette something?

JF: That would be LeGarrette Blount, sir. We let him get away also but we’ve got some real special, and I mean Special Team linebackers in his place. But how about that 1999-2000 team. What a ride?

BA: Ohh….Ohh.  Jeff , you’re one smart, slick guy. You know how to handle those media types. You know, get them eating out of your hands without them even knowing it.

I always admired that about you. I could never get them to do that with me. I was always the bad guy.

JF:….Well, don’t you see. That’s why we are such a great team. You know…Good Cop, Bad Cop.

BA.  Okay Jeff, but I’m old and tired of that game. Give me three reasons why I shouldn’t fire you. You’ve been coach for 16 years and have missed the playoffs 10 of those years.

JF: How about that Music City Miracle, Bud? We also beat Jacksonville to go to the Super Bowl.

BA: Jacksonville, …yes but wait, they beat us up running the last time we played. We need a running backs coach who can help us run the ball like they did.

Who was that guy on their sideline talking to that short running back of theirs who was killing us. We should hire him. Wait he looked kinda familiar…isn’t he the guy that use to play for those Cleveland Browns that we hired a few years ago… Ernest …somebody?

Silence…..

BA: Well  Jeff me give those three reasons ….

JF: Well Sir, with all due respect, you wouldn’t let me draft the QB that I wanted in 2006.

BA. Yes that’s true…Jeff.  Who was that guy you wanted? …I can’t remember anything these days.

JF. That was Matt Leinart, sir.

BA. Well Jeff,  how did that kid do? …I haven’t seen him on TV in years. Last time I saw the kid was after he threw some interceptions in a Monday night game and his coach, …you know the black guy who used to coach in Minnesota… was ranting something about the Bears… and something about they are who he thought they were and crowning them… after they lost a big lead in that game.

That’s the same kid right, Jeff?

JF: Yes, sir.

BA: Well, Jeff, did it occur to you that if you had picked that guy you wouldn’t even have a job today? Looks like I saved you on that one. And that guy we picked, every time I tell you to play him we win, don’t we?

JF: Yes, sir.

BA: Jeff, the last time we talked like this we fired that Chinese guy you hired as offensive coordinator. Where did that guy go? Is he coaching in the NFL?

And who is this Chuck Cecil guy who was giving those NFL referees the bird? If he was watching, he would know you need to use both hands.

I must say I like his moxie but his team can’t stop nobody. Why didn’t we hire that Gregg guy again?

JF: Did I tell you that I am on the NFL competition committee?

BA: Well, Jeff, we got some good young guys on this team. That Britt guy is pretty good. How come you started that Gage guy over him this year?

And that second round TE.. Jared Baker, or is it Cook? Why wasn’t that kid playing earlier?

JF: We like to bring em along slowly Sir..so they know who’s boss. Plus we run a very complicated offense that’s tough for most people to learn quickly…except for Chris Johnson.

BA: What about that Moss guy? Did I not pay that guy almost four million dollars for eight games? Last time he played he was running clear out patterns for Ahmad Hall and Bo Scaife.

How come you can’t get him that ball? That kid can really catch. How come….?

JF: We just don’t run that kind of offense Sir. It’s against the rules to put him on the field at the same time as Kenny Britt. Also bad things can happen when you throw the ball too much.

Plus his contract says he can only run deep patterns. And Vince refused to throw him the ball.

BA: Did Vince play after we got Moss? I thought he got injured right after that.

JF: Vince is bad for the team. He’s a 9 to 5 QB. The players are all so happy he is not in the locker room. All the players want him to leave. He has never liked me…and I’m not sure he likes you, either.

BA: Now hold your horses there Jeff…you’ve been talking a lot about Vince to those media buddies of yours lately…not so nice.

I’ve been texting…no tweeting with these guys on the team and they tell me that they want you out…you know CJ, KB, MG,…all the good players. This texting and tweeting thing is pretty cool…have you heard about this new thing?

JF: Well Sir, I’m not into that texting or tweeting thing….IT”S A MAN THING. I’m old school and I’m not gonna change. I’m tired of babysitting these guys.

BA: Funny you should say that, Jeff. I was about to tweet you last week…but wasn’t sure you were keeping up with anything new. Are you questioning my manhood?

JF: Of course not, sir, I was just …..

BA: Well Jeff. I think I have heard and seen enough… I’m tired of babysitting you and bailing you out every time you screw up.

Well, OLD SCHOOL is out…You’re fired!

Now I know how much that image thing is important to you, so you can tell the media that you wanted to move out West for personal reasons. Some of them won’t question it.

But Jeff, because we’ve been through so much I made a few calls on your behalf….I talked to an old acquaintance who is looking for a head coach and I know how much you like it out West.

He’s already had a Head Coach who knew how to mix it up with his staff kinda like the Buddy and Kevin thing we had here back in '94 and now he needs a smooth talker, mediator guy on his staff…So Al will be calling you later today.

JF: Sir, I appreciate that but can you please wait until you talk to Mike (Reinfeldt) and Steve (Underwood). They are coming down tomorrow.

BA: Who is Mike?

JF: Mike Reinfeldt, sir, you know they guy I told you would be a good GM.

BA: Yes, yes, … I haven’t talk to him in years. Okay.. I’ll wait until I see him and Steve.

      ......to be continued