Andy Reid + Jeff Lurie + Joe Banner = No Superbowl... Ever!

Groundhog Day came about four weeks early yesterday, as the Philadelphia Eagles "the Gold Standard" "put the pedal to metal" and played their annual "early playoff exit game'". Maybe they meant brake pedal?

Whatever the case, no one is really surprised or shocked. We all know the drill. Early season struggles, exciting midseason surge, premature playoff exit. It still stings, but it's almost like we're developing an immunity to it. A callous exterior. It's a defense mechanism to prevent us from being traumatized.

The culprits in this annual crime remain the same. The usual suspects: Jeff Lurie, Andy Reid and Joe Banner. There is plenty of blame to go around, so let's not be hasty.

In order to become completely immune to next year's inevitable collapse, we need to prepare ourselves. We can't hold it all in; we need to vent through some kind of relief valve. This is our format for just that.

Let's begin with Jeff "Moneybags" Lurie. I could sum up his share by simply saying that this is the guy who brought us "V.I. Warshawsky". I'm going next level though. He is the owner and is therefore responsible for the product that is put on the field. He used some of his mommy and daddy's money to buy the Eagles in 1994 for $195 million. The club is now worth over $1 billion. Think he's happy? A fivefold increase will do that.

Season tickets sold out year after year. Merchandise flying off the shelves. Marquee primetime slots for the games. All that without a Super Bowl win. Mission accomplished for Jeff. Being good but not great has proven to be a winning formula for him. He probably can't hear fans anguish from his ivory tower.

This brings us to his best buddy, Joe "Nickels" Banner. These guys are best buddies. He has a degree in economics, used to run/own a chain of clothing stores and knew Jeffy boy from the old Boston days. All the necessary credentials to be president of an NFL team, right?

With a knack for pinching pennies and a gift for marketability, Joe has done wonders.  It was his idea to coin the terms "pedal to the metal" and "the gold standard".  He consistently shines up garbage, presenting the public with fool's gold while passing it off as the real thing. He has a contract extension through 2013, so get used to disappointment.

Andy "Big Red" Reid.  Andy, Andy, Andy...how many times have those words left your mouth, usually in a rapidly rising voice, followed by nervous pacing or objects being thrown? 

He is the head coach and vice president of the team.  As if he's so skilled at the one job that he needs the challenge of the other.  10, 11, 12 years and counting of the same nonsense.  Promoting incompetent people like Sean "McDoormat" McDermott.  Making no discernible in-game adjustments.  Using the same tired schemes over and over.  Passing the ball 70% of the time has never won a SB, but don't bother telling Andy that. 

Quite possibly the most stubborn person you'll ever observe in your life.  Refuses to run the ball, even when you have guys like Brian Westbrook and LeSean McCoy in the backfield.  Even when you are lining up James Thrash and Todd Pinkston as your wideouts.  He undervalues play-making positions like D-line and LB, instead preferring to fill them with seventh round Draft picks and cast-offs from other team's practice squads.  Andy will gladly trade you his first round pick today for two fifth round picks three years from now.  Nothing changes with this guy.  Nothing.  Never has and never will.

Now here is where YOU can have an impact: Express your frustrations with the same old story in writing to the following:

Philadelphia Eagles
NovaCare Complex
One NovaCare Way
Philadelphia, PA 19145

Attn: Jeff Lurie

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