Ben Roethlisberger Prompts Alert in the Cincinnati Area

This is a special report.

An alert has been issued for Cincinnati area women and men with long hair.  Beginning immediately, please avoid college bars where the women are less than a year removed from high school, and small restrooms that have not been cleaned for two to three weeks.

Please be on the lookout for a tall, white male that has not shaved or showered for several days.  He usually appears to have a greasy substance in his hair.  It could be dirt or cheap hair spray to mask the lack of bathing.  Be advised that these products are extremely flammable.

It has also been reported that he likes to walk around with parts of his anatomy exposed.

This man will most likely be surrounded by a group of handlers, simply because he is incapable of handling himself.  He is a professional athlete with the intellectual ability of a 14-year old hillbilly left alone with the family goat.

Do not follow this man anywhere.  Despite his ignorance, he has the unique ability (money) to coerce and intimidate women.  After forcing himself on intoxicated victims, he will then use that ability (money) to avoid criminal charges.

His followers will pretend to be appalled by his behavior.  They will chastise his actions until he takes the field.  Cheers will ensue and all will be forgiven, mostly because they are just as stupid as he.

Please be advised that this man is dangerous and smells really bad.  This alert will expire approximately 10 seconds after the Pittsburgh Steelers leave Cincinnati.

Read more at Bengals Line.