Monday Nights With Dennis Miller

Jason WardCorrespondent IAugust 26, 2008

   In 2000, ABC hired comedian Dennis Miller as a color commentator for Monday Night Football.  He was joined in the booth by Al Michaels and Dan Fouts.  In general, Monday Night Football's audience did not like Miller and he was replaced by John Madden in 2002. 

   While Dennis Miller tended to stray away from games and go on his signature "rants" at times, I personally enjoyed his humor, especially when games became less than interesting.

   I'm not sure why he was so disliked by the majority of viewers, but I suspect it has much to do with his intellectual-based comedy and sarcasm.  Sometimes his metaphors were extremely vague, but I found his intelligent humor all the more funny because of the venue.

   Al Michaels was obviously witty and caught much of Miller's humor, but Dan Fouts didn't have a clue.  Personally, I found this hilarious, but as many of the general public are on Fouts' intellectual level, I can see why Dennis Miller was never accepted.

   Kudos to ABC for taking a risk.  It was great while it lasted.  I only wish Madden could have been there as well.  It would have driven him insane!

   Here is a few classic Dennis Miller moments on Monday Night Football:

The set-up: As the game, and the MNF season, wound down, Al gave Miller some investing advice, pointing out how low most of the stocks have fallen for dot-com companies that bought naming rights for sports stadiums and arenas.

The quip: "Well, I have all my money with my money manager MC Hammer and we just bought a moped factory in South Yemen, so I think I'm covered."

The set-up: Miller explained that the city of Minneapolis was in need of some good news in light of MLB commissioner Bud Selig's efforts to eliminate the Minnesota Twins.

The quip: "By the way, Bud Selig looks like Harry Potter in the 83rd volume in the series, 'Harry Potter and the Magic Prostate.'"

FOUTS: I was in a Miller beer commercial, and your last name is Miller.

MILLER: Hey, Aristotle, save some of the probing insight for the rest of us, OK? How come I'm getting the funny feeling that this is an episode of The Munsters, and I'm Marian, the normal one? Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but the useful comments coming from your side of the booth could be counted on the one hand of a bad wood shop teacher. I can still see the jelly on your forehead where the electroshock terminals were attached. When I took this job, they didn't tell me that I would be teamed with Pepe the Human Hamster on one side, and on the other a broken-down ex-quarterback who makes Jethro Bodine look like David Niven. I want to find the psychotic network programmers who thought up this train wreck and point out that this shit has to be harder to watch than a sausage being made.

FOUTS: I like sausage.

MILLER: Ah f**k it, where's my propeller hat?

MICHAELS: George back to pass...and the throw to Westbrook falls incomplete. Ty Law covering on the play.

MILLER: I don't want to be a downer here, but how about throwin' the freakin' ball to the other side of the field, you know, cha-cha? You've got Westbrook drawing a bigger crowd than Anna Kournikova at the maximum-security lockdown at Rikers, while meanwhile the kid on the other side is lonelier than a hooker at a Star Trek convention.

MICHAELS: To be fair, there have only been four plays so far.

MILLER: Come on Al, you missing link. That receiver is being shunned like an Amish kid with a nipple ring. The left side of the field is to George as a shower is to the French. You've got a better shot at hearing Charlie Sheen give the keynote address at a Promise Keepers rally than you do of ever...

MICHAELS: Sorry to break in on you, Dennis, but Washington is guilty of a false start, and that will set them back another five yards.

MILLER: The ref is whipping out that flag like it's the only lighter at a crack house.

FOUTS: I was the quarterback. I didn't go on the field for the kickoff.

MILLER: Jesus, Shaggy, saunter on back to the Mystery Machine and take a breather, OK? Why don't you pick up your brain off that pile of papers it's holding down and see what happens when you plug it in? The game's starting, and I feel like Corporal Agarn trying to explain supply and demand to the f**king Hakowis.

More of Dennis Miller's MNF quotes can be found at:



I guess feedback was mostly negative, but this fan wants Dennis Miller back, especially with that moron John Madden sitting in the next chair.


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