Debate: Tougher Life, Cincinnati Fan Or Seattle Fan?

Originally from Cincinnati, I relocated to the Pacific Northwest back in 2005.  At that point, it had been 10 years since the Reds made the playoffs, and about fifteen since the Bengals cracked the postseason. 

I was under the impression that rooting for Cincinnati sports was the toughest thing to do. 

Now, after five years in Washington, I'm not so sure.  Let's take a look at what each fan has had to deal with in the past twenty years.

Cincy Fan

1) The Bengals

This is your football team.  &%$#.  I can't think of a worse team to have to root for.  Nicknamed the "Bungles" in the midst of season after season of pathetic performances, this team was so ungodly atrocious that the city actually started to crank off when 2003 yielded an 8-8 season!  Eight-and-eight was considered good sh*t! 

Then, in 2005, the drought ended and Marvin Lewis took the Bengals to the postseason.  But, just as soon as the playoffs began, they ended with a thud and a forceful steel-toed boot to the balls when Steelers DT (and former Bengal) Kimo Von Oelhoffen wrecked starting QB Carson Palmer's knee during the first series of the game for Cincinnati. 

The pre-game whiskey shot and mind-alterings had barely set in before &%$#in' Jon Kitna was jogging his little ass on to the field.  The Bengals lost the game, and, of course, Carson Palmer has never been the same.  The team has since evolved into a collection of police station frequenters and media prima donnas who get weekly manicures and pedicures (That's you, Chad). 

Not to mention the longer-than-John-Holmes list of unfathomably awful first round draft picks over the years (Akili Smith, that's you). 

I've actually re-arranged my work schedule to work Sunday through Thursday in order to NEVER have to watch the Bengals play EVER. 

2) The Reds 

Now, the Reds do have great history and tradition, including five World Series titles—most recently 1990, when Glenn Braggs and the Reds swept the SH*T out of Jose Canseco's steroids. 

That said, Cincy Fan had to deal with 1999, when the team won 96 games but lost a one-game playoff for the wildcard spot to the Mets (Al Leiter did not allow a run).  I mean when the $#%& does 96 games not get you into the postseason?  Eff that.  Then, the Reds traded for Ken Griffey Jr. in the offseason, and Cincy Fan was in full-on on-bone mode.  And then...a horrible, irrelevant nine years watching teams with rosters consisting of launching pads like Jimmy Haynes, has-beens like Royce Clayton and never-was's like Quinton McCracken. 

But, in 2010, the Reds finally ended the 15-year playoff hiatus.  And then, in Game 1 of the NLDS, the Phillies' Roy Halladay tossed a mother****in' NO-HITTER, the second in the history of the postseason!

3) Cincinnati Bearcat Basketball

Kenyon Martin's broken leg.  Bob Huggins forced out.  2006 NCAA Tourney snub. 

How about Seattle Fan?

1) The Seahawks.  Oh, God.  Well, let's see.  The 'Hawks went about 50 years (or so it seemed) without making the playoffs.

Then, in the early 2000s, the franchise scored former Green Bay head coach Mike Holmgren, and Seattle was all of a sudden a contender.  In 2005-06, Shaun Alexander led the 'Hawks to the promised land, and a date with the Pittsburgh Steelers in the Super Bowl (first in franchise history). 

And, what happened?  Well, here's a word of advice—don't bring that fateful Sunday up in a conversation out here to Seattle Fan (Actually, you can bring it up—it's not like anybody is gonna punch you or anything).  The Steelers benefited from a handful of horrendous calls by the officials on the way to a close victory. It was brutal. 

2) The Mariners 

Oh, man.  Where do I begin? 

Forget the fact that the recent draft choices have been shockingly ignorant (chose Jeff Clement instead of Ryan Zimmerman, Jay Bruce or Troy Tulowitzski in '05 and chose Brandon Morrow instead of University of Washington hurler Tim Lincecum the following year). 

This franchise has never tasted World Series clinching champagne. 

To make matters worse, in 2010, the Mariners scored the fewest runs since the advent of the DH in the American League back in 1973.  The late nineties and early 2000s saw a few great runs by Seattle (116 wins in 2001, the epic comeback over the California Angles in '95), but overall, there hasn't been much to cheer about.

Oh, and there was also Richie Sexson.  Yikes. 

3) The Sonics 

Now, the 1990s saw Shawn Kemp in his prime—so I envy the Seattle fans for being able to see all those gigantic dunks and blocks from the Reign Man in his younger days.  But, even when the Sonics did get to the NBA Finals, Michael Jordan's unbeatable ass was waitin' for 'em. 

Let's see, what else?  Oh yeah, Nick Collison, 1st round pick!

And of course, a few years ago, the team was ripped out of Seattle like a dead tree root and shipped off to Oklahoma City, where, well... nobody up here even wants to talk about it...but...that team is stacked and fun to watch and one of the best teams in the NBA now.  Aiiieeesh. 

My Conclusion

It's a wash. 

Seattle has had less to cheer about but Washington is a beautiful state to reside.  Either way, both cities' fans have washed away an enormous amount of tough-to-handle, testicle-shattering losses with ice cold beer.  And there's nothing wrong with that.