SEC Winners and Losers: Week 2 of Larry's Losers

Larry Burton (Syndicated Writer)

Last week old Bacardi and I had the right recipe for our smart cookies but a big ol’ Nutt from Mississippi caused us to go 11-1 and miss in our pursuit for pigskin prognosticatin’ in perfection.

So this week we’re gonna stick to the same recipe and hope that we don’t cook some up with bad Nutt’s like last week.

SEC West

Penn State at Alabama

Alabama may be champions, but they’re going to have a harder time taming these Lions from Penn State than they had last week with the Jr. Spartans from San Jose State.

Joe Paterno and his Pennsylvania Pussycats don’t roll over for nobody and not even a herd of elephants is gonna make these kitties quiver.

But fear not withstanding, the Clan in Crimson should be able to tame enough of them tabbies to come out on top. Larry’s Loser—Penn State.

Louisiana-Monroe at Arkansas

The Ryan Mallet’s in fine form and there was lots of treats in the Hog’s trough following last week’s Tennessee Tech massacre, and this week's tussle with a flock of Warhawks from down near the bayou boundary shouldn’t be any different.

This ain’t the same Louisiana-Monroe marauders that manhandled Alabama a few years ago and this time they’ve picked the wrong time and team to come back to the SEC looking for more.

These Hogs should be all fattened up for next week's dance with the dogs between the hedges. Larry’s Loser—Louisiana-Monroe.

Auburn at Mississippi State

Gene Chizik comes bringing his wiregrass Tigers over to Mississippi State to pound the puppies of Dan Mullen. But these dogs ain’t no scratchin’ post and plan on laying a trap for the not so welcome visitors.

Cam Newton had a nice coming-out party last week, but this dance card's gonna be filled with drooling dogs who might be playing a different tune.

Bacardi says this is the first SEC on SEC upset as he believes in the dogs, but my smart cookies tell me that Auburn just has too much talent. Larry’s Loser—(In a close one) Miss. State.

LSU at Vanderbilt

Les Miles was almost embarrassed last week by having a half-manned team come within one catch of leaving him and the Bayou Bengals with a lot of egg on their face.

Now it’s on to the SEC, but hey, it’s the Commodores, so even they should survive this one. The song city sailors put up a good fight last week but still came up with holes in the boat at the end.

This is one game that it won’t matter if they kept the powder dry, they may not have enough manpower to load and fire the cannons before they get dumped in the litter box by the Cajun kitties. Larry’s Loser—Vanderbilt.

Ole Miss at Tulane

Houston’s Nutt wasn’t too hard to crack last week and Ole Miss played like Lil’ Sis in the SEC embarrassment of the week by losing to lower division Jacksonville State of Alabama.

But you won’t catch a Rebel with gun unloaded and his pants down two weeks in a row, so Tulane’s Green Wave may just be funneled right down the outhouse drain.

Though it’s a long way back to respectability, they’ll be on the right path after this one. Larry’s Loser—Tulane.

SEC East

South Florida at Florida

Last week saw a bunch a lazy lizards that couldn’t long snap a ball any better than a town drunk can tight rope and if the competition had been tougher, they would be the king of the week’s upsets.

This week, Urban Meyer’s mayhem patrol entertains a herd of bulls from just down the road and if they want to act like matadors this week, they better get the basics down a little better because these bullish ballplayers aren’t the cupcake Miami of Ohio was.

But don’t believe lightning will strike in the same stadium twice and this time the Gators will go the gauntlet a little better. Larry’s Loser – South Florida.

Georgia at South Carolina

Last week, both of these boys looked like the blue ribbon winner at the SEC East County Fair. But this week, only one will be left all shiny and unwrinkled.

The Old Ball coach has his best shot this year at going to Atlanta for a championship game, and Georgia coach is just trying not to set off the Richter Scale and not upset the apple cart of his employment.

When one guy’s playing for a championship and the other’s playin’ to keep his job, bet on the achiever. Larry’s Loser—Georgia.

Western Kentucky at Kentucky

Kentucky entertains the state’s silly stepchild this week and it won’t be a visit Big Red’s gonna enjoy as the Kentucky Cats aim to send ‘em home running with lots of claw marks to remind them who’s the king in these here mountains.

With Joker Phillips wanting to start his own bowl streak, I don’t see a letdown here. Larry’s Loser—Western Kentucky.

Tennessee at Oregon

Last week, new coach Derek Dooley had them volunteers looking like U.S. Special Forces, but this week, they won’t be drilling with cadets from UT Martin.

The Oregon Ducks aim to lay an egg on any thoughts of an upset here and the quack attack will leave the Knoxville boys looking like hard Knoxville losers.

After this fight, the only duck the boys in orange will want to see is the Aflac duck getting them some medical care. Larry’s Losers—Tennessee

Well that’s it for this week, Bacardi’s sulkin’ that I won’t take his State Bulldog hunch to heart and he won’t fetch my slippers, so I’m outta here!

See you next week for another colloquial conversation with you and Bacardi the Wonder Dog for more prognosticatin’ publishing.