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FRIDAY, AUGUST 20^th

Hello my loyal followers.  Sorry to keep you waiting and playing the guessing game, but ‘tis the job of a good writer.  What author would ever write a book and let you know how the story ends on the fifth page?  Good news – today is here and now you get to read about the most action packed day in Bermuda!

Before we get started, there are two things I want to mention.  When I was writing my North Carolina blog, I forgot to mention that as we were driving from the airport to our hotel, we were playing sports trivia.  It was Doreen’s brother-in-law’s turn and it took him roughly seven minutes to come up with a question.  Brad, the brother-in-law, is a UT (University of Tennessee) graduate so I figured he was going to lean towards a UT sports question.  Needless to say, I was ready for it.  Brad starts his question like this: “Which MLB player”…STOP Brad, the answer is Todd Helton!  Brad looks at me going, “Are you kidding?”  Sorry Brad, I’m that good.  Brad said while laughing, “It took me seven minutes just to figure out how to phrase that question and you ruined it in two seconds!”  Yeah, what can I say. For those of you who haven’t figured out the question Brad was asking by now, it was, “Which MLB player backed up Peyton Manning in college?”  I then proceeded to tell Brad that I can do one better than that.  I’ll tell you who the third string quarterback was that year.  The answer, Tee Martin.  Yes, I have a life, but this kind of stuff sticks with me like lint does to Velcro.

Secondly, I was watching the Red Sox game last night and the Prime Minister (I guess that’s what you call him) of Bermuda was being interviewed by Hedi Whatney talking about how easy it is to get to the island, how beautiful the island is, and telling Hedi how she needed to go.  Really?  Like, this couldn’t have happened before I went?  We didn’t want to leave in the first place and now I’m seeing the leader of the country begging me to come back!  To make matters worse, a commercial aired during half-innings about Bermuda.  It’s OK, I’m sincerely enjoying this 60 degree, rainy and cold weather!  Right….onto Friday.

Before we went to bed on Thursday night, I scheduled what I thought was one wakeup call at 7:10 with the front desk.  I originally told them I wanted one at 6:55, but then changed it to 7:10.  Hotel staff apparently didn’t understand me, as they gave us wakeup calls at both 6:55 and 7:10.

We hopped up out of bed around 7:15, got dressed and deliriously headed to breakfast.  Cindy, Carlos, Caitlin and Rob were already waiting for us.  Breakfast was a buffet and that woke me up a little.  They had fresh fruit (watermelon, strawberries, honeydew, bananas) and Yogurt!  I was in Heaven.  I stayed away from the pancakes, French toast, bacon, in favor of an egg white omelet, two bowls of fruit, strawberry yogurt, a slice of wheat toast, and a bowl of granola cereal.  We finished breakfast around 8:00 and it was time to leave for snorkeling!

We had about a 20 minute walk from our hotel to the place we were to meet for snorkeling.  It was during this walk that Cindy informed me that after she left our (Justin/myself) room last night, she went to the front desk and asked if she could get the other two rooms switched to be closer to us.  The hotel staff was hesitant at first, but then Cindy told them how Carlos and she were here to exchange their vows and they agreed to move their rooms.  Darn it, we can’t brag anymore!  Oh well, they couldn’t move into their new rooms until Friday afternoon, so I continued to throw in a jab or two on the walk about our palace.

Now if you read my last blog, you’ll have seen that I am petrified of the ocean.  The reason I am petrified is because one of my biggest fears is getting stranded in the middle of the ocean with nowhere to go.  If that happens, you’re $h!+ out of luck.  The ocean is so big, that even if the coastguard tries to rescue you, it’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack.  Of course, this is going through my mind during our walk to the snorkeling boat, but I was determined to not back out.

We got to the place of meeting around 8:25 and we were informed that it would be just the six of us going out on the snorkeling adventure with Jessie James cruises.  Instantly, I felt better, because I would have felt like such a wimp if I did indeed back out in front of strangers.  What if one of those strangers was a fine, young lady my age?  How would backing out of snorkeling impress her?  Yet, Jessie informed us that business was slow with people going back to school so that is why it was just us.  Around 8:30, we boarded the glass-bottom former Marine boat and headed off to sea.  Bon voyage!

The boat was reaching speeds of roughly 60 MPH as we were on our way to our snorkeling destination.  I never get seasick so going that fast on the water didn’t bother me one bit.  The only thing that was bothering me on our way to the snorkeling areas was that faster we went, the closer we got to actually going in the water.  Don’t worry, the sweat was beginning to form, but the freak out didn’t happen.

During our way to the snorkeling destinations (there were three of them), I remember constantly checking the ocean and seeing which side the land was on.  That helped ease me because I figured if I get separated in the water, at least if I saw land, I could swim to it.  I’m not a strong swimmer, but good enough to stay afloat for as long as it would have taken me to reach land.  Little did I know, this was only the beginning.

During our voyage to the first snorkeling area, Jessie shared some interesting facts about Bermuda.  Lucky for you guys and gals, I remembered some of them to share with you.  Did you know that every single house in Bermuda has a roof that is white?  The reason is because the roofs are a source of collecting rain water in order for the Bermudians to get necessary water.  What happens is the water filters off the roof, into a series of pipes, into a tank underneath the house.  Birds do not land on the roofs of these houses because the white paint is lime-base paint and it burns their feet.  Did you know that the average house price in Bermuda is $1.2 million?  If you wanted to rent a two-bedroom apartment, it cost $1,200 for each bedroom!  Only one car is permitted per family.  You can have all the boats and scooters you want, but only one car.  There is no income tax.  Everything you earn in a job is yours to keep.  By the time Bermudians reach 65, they are entitled to a pension of about $1,400 a month. That’s about all the facts I can remember, but there is enough listed to definitely wow you all.

Most importantly, Jessie told us that Bermuda was, well you take a guess – how many square miles do you think Bermuda is?  Do you think Cindy or I was right?  The correct answer, 21 square miles!  Take that Cindy!  Not only do I have a palace room to your motel room, but I was right about this as well!

Before we reached the first snorkeling area, Jessie told us that usually they do a practice dive first off the coast of the beach, in shallow water.  Now that I can do!  He asked us if we wanted to do it, and I didn’t want to be the one who held up five other people, so I shut my mouth and said no.  Please people – I’m a champion, right?  How bad can this thing called snorkeling be?  Practice, smacktice I convinced myself. I actually was excited to snorkel, albeit a little nervous.  What?  Who is this new person and what have you done with the real Matt Chudoba?

As we continued on, the land was getting farther and farther and farther. Finally, it was an afterthought.  Oh boy, this isn’t good.  The new brave Matt Chudoba lasted about two minutes before the eeriness of the open ocean swept him up.  We finally arrived after about 25 minutes to the first snorkeling destination.  (If we didn’t make a pit stop to open up the glass-bottom boat to feed schools of fish, we would have made it in about 15.)  All hell was about to break loose for yours truly!

Before we got into the water, we had to put flippers on.  I had no clue what flippers even do so I asked Carlos who proceeded to tell me they help you swim especially because the ocean is full of currents and they’re very hard to swim out of.  But, he informed me that if I got caught in a current, if I swam diagonal, I’d be alright.  By this time, I was as white as the clouds.

Jessie finished passing out our snorkels and finished going over the directions on how to snorkel.  I was so busy practicing how to not move my lips, that I really didn’t think about adjusting my goggles.  Jessie was telling us that when we got in the water, spit in our goggles, swish it around, and then rinse them.  That way the goggles wouldn’t fog up.  He told us that he did have noodles in case anyone wanted one.  You bet your @$$ I wanted a noodle! (even though Justin told me to suck it up).

Alright it’s game time.  I was determined not to chicken out.  There was nothing around me but open ocean.  There was nowhere to go.  It was like getting locked into that roller coaster, staring at an 100 foot drop, and knowing the only way to get back to ground level would be by going down that huge drop.  Think of that feeling and multiply it by 100.  I threw on my flippers, held my mask in my hand, noodle under my arm, sat on the side of the boat….and paused.  I think I said a prayer.  I’m this close to conquering a fear.  I wasn’t backing out now and I didn’t!

Into the choppy water I went!  It was a colossal disaster.  The minute I hit the water, I freaked.  I was trying to spit in my mask, swish it around, put it on and keep my balance, all while trying to stay afloat.  I failed miserable at all of those things.  I don’t think I could muster up any spit because I was so scared.  I maybe put a pinky on the lenses of my goggles to try and swish around whatever came out of my mouth.  Putting the mask on, I swallowed more salt water then it felt like was in the ocean and my did it burn.  I lost my balance so many times I lost count.  Choppy waves kept sweeping me off my feet and inserting salt water into my mouth.  Goggles were so loose that I mine as well had been swimming without them.  I had to get out of this place!

Cindy came over and grabbed my arm and told me she’d help me.  I kept saying, “No, I’m going to sit this one out.”  She grabbed my arm and began swimming with me.  Next thing, I know, she let’s go of me and it’s back to square one!  Thanks Cin!  Whatever happened to staying with me (haha)?  I treaded my way back to the boat, just another victim of the ocean, happy to be alive.  I could have been bitten by a shark out there and wouldn’t have even known it.  I was so exhausted trying to do all those other things that I could have been lunch for a predator and wouldn’t have put up a fight.

Jessie and his helper helped me back onto the boat and asked me what happened.  I replied, “You were watching me, you saw what happened, how did you not pee your pants laughing?”  He just gave me a chuckle and said I’ll get it the next time.  Positive reinforcement doesn’t work on me, Jessie.  I took a few Psychology courses in college.  I went back to the seats in the boat and put my head down in embarrassment.  I was defeated.  After a few seconds, I looked up and saw the good time everyone else was having.  Nope, walk…err in this case, tread of shame for me.

After about five minutes spent settling myself down, I noticed my right arm was burning a little bit.  I looked over and saw this rash that was swelling up really badly.  I wasn’t really scared about it.  Trust me, I could have been confronted with a giant grizzly bear on that boat and wouldn’t have been as scared as I just was in the water.  The rash continued to swell, but I found the positive in the bad situation; I could use the rash as an excuse to not go back into the water!  When Cindy got back on the boat, I showed her and Jessie came over to check it.  He said that it was either a jellyfish sting or a rash from the noodle.  No Jessie, it was not a noodle rash!  (I failed to mention that Jessie told us that we didn’t have anything to be scared about in the water.  He told us the jellyfish won’t sting us.)  It’s funny because it seems like every time I’m not meant to be somewhere or someplace, something always happens to me that reinforces that I don’t belong there.  Take for instance New York with the cockroach and the ocean with the jellyfish sting.

To be honest, if you want to know if a jellyfish sting hurts, you’re asking the wrong guy.  Again, I had much more important things to worry about then a stupid little sting, like there still being two more snorkeling destinations to go to and what excuse I was going to use to get out of snorkeling them.

After about 25 minutes, the rest of our crew returned to the boat and we made our way to the second destination.  I told and showed everyone what happened and they were laughing so hard.  All I kept thinking was that this was payback for taunting about our palace to their motel.  Yet if all it took was a jellyfish sting to make our room worth it, I’ll take it!

The hardest part for me was getting into the water the first time.  As I was waiting for the others to come back to the boat, I adjusted my snorkel to properly fit to my head (which I should have done before going into the water the first time).  Carlos and Cindy had paid good money for me to be on the snorkel expedition, that I was determined to make another attempt.  After all, I already was stung by a jellyfish, so what worse could possibly happen?

This time, when we reached our second snorkeling destination, as I sat on the boat ready to jump into the choppy waters, I put my mask on before going in the water.  I made it in with my noodle and began to snorkel.  At this point, Carlos and Cindy were using a noodle so I felt better about myself.  I snorkeled for about five minutes, but it felt like a game of cat-and-mouse, constantly dodging jellyfish.  I stayed close to the boat and saw some interesting fish.  Jessie told me that I could go away from the boat, but I replied that “I was just fine where I was”.  Ten minutes later, I was out of the water because I was tired of dodging jellyfish, but it was just the jump-start I needed to be confident enough to enjoy the third snorkeling destination.  As I was getting out of the water, Jessie told me I was a pro at snorkeling.  Yeah Jessie, I wouldn’t go that far.

By the time we got to our third destination, I was honestly very eager to get in the water.  This part of the water was only six feet deep so I really had nothing to worry about.  I was the second person into the water and last to get out.  I was able to enjoy myself, venturing away from the boat with everyone else and feeling giddy about myself.  When it was over and we were back on the boat, Justin goes to us, “He got me.”  Justin was letting us know that he too got stung by a jellyfish, only Justin felt it sting him and he had to literally rip it away from him.  He was wondering how in the world I didn’t feel the jellyfish stinging me?  I was convinced that we were being punished for bragging about our room.  No more bragging I told him.  We’re done!

We packed up the boat and began our voyage back to the hotel.  I was really proud of myself for going in the water.  The first part of the snorkeling trip was definitely meant for people who have had experience snorkeling before.  The fact that I attempted that destination made me feel good about myself.  I was so happy to be done with the salt water for the day as well, as we decided we would hang around the pool before the wedding ceremony that night.  I swallowed so much salt water that I wasn’t exactly rushing to go to the beach.

When we got back to the hotel, Justin and I went to the front desk to find out what we can put on jellyfish stings.  No people, peeing on them is just a myth we were told.  We were instructed to use vinegar and we got some from the restaurant.  When we got back to our room, I grabbed a cotton ball, lathered it in vinegar and soaked it on my burn.  That part when I put the vinegar on my skin was so painful.  It burned worse than the salt water did to my throat.  I was almost screaming and Justin was laughing.  He actually had the ‘you know whats’ to ask me if it hurt.  What gave it away Justin, the screaming?  Sure enough, Justin put the vinegar on his sting, but he was fine.  We figured that it was probably because he pulled his stinger out right away and mine probably stayed in me for a decent amount of time.

After the burning subsided, I lathered myself up in sunscreen and stepped out our patio door practically into the pool.  Carlos and Rob were already swimming and Los goes to me, “Hey Matt, you wanna hear something funny?”  Sure, why not.  “This is a salt water pool.”  I flipped out.  You got to be kidding me!  All I wanted was a chlorine pool to relax in and wash the salt water off of me!  Rob was hysterical in the water laughing at my misfortune.  I was legit pissed, but I still went in because there was really no other choice.  It was either swim in the ocean or swim in the salt water pool.

After swimming for awhile, Carlos, Rob, Justin and I walked over to the putting green by the pool.  I’m so bad at golf but was just happy to be out of the salt water.  I don’t have to patience to put up with putting, but it was a break from tanning and/or swimming.  Justin and I took on Rob and Carlos, and naturally, we lost because I’m terrible.  We switched teams to Carlos and I for the second game and we lost by two strokes.  Oh well, I was too frustrated from other events of this day to even care that I lost.

The rest of the day was spent relaxing and getting ready for the wedding ceremony at night.  The two other rooms were finally ready and the four of them moved into the floor above us.  I remember telling Cindy that our flat screen was still bigger, to which we all chuckled.  We had to take a 5:00 taxi to the wedding destination that was 45 minutes away.  I looked pretty fly, as you’ll see when I put up pictures.  Us gentlemen took our own cab because a bride can’t see a groom before the wedding.  Cindy and Caitlin grabbed a cab around 5:15.

Our whole cab ride, Justin either slept or complained how much he was sweating.  Carlos was the same way with the sweating.  Rob and I were fine and wondered how they can possibly sweat so much?  They just constantly were pouring sweat out of places that I didn’t even know you could sweat from.

We finally arrived at the wedding destination which was at a private resort.  The four of us gentlemen waited in a separate room before the ceremony.  The photographer came in and met us and took what felt like an absurd amount of pictures.  Seriously, the four of us must have taken about 100 photos, and this was before the ceremony, without Caitlin and Cindy.

Finally, a half-hour after taking photographs, we walked over to where the wedding was to take place.  It was a nice little cliff area overlooking the water.  The pastor came over and introduced himself as we were waiting for the bride.  Cindy and Caitlin finally arrived and they both looked stunning.  The exchanging of vows lasted about 20 minutes and it went perfectly.  They both said “I do”, and Justin continued to sweat.

After the ceremony, we took an hour-and-a-half more of photos.  I think every possible position for photographs was exhausted.  The photographer was very patient with us and accommodated all of the bride and groom’s requests.

After the ceremony, we had dinner scheduled on the beach.  It was everything people envision their reception to be like.  It was just our table.  The six of us had our own beach and table to ourselves!  It was jaw dropping to be just the six of us, with the water crashing against the sand, being waited on hand-and-foot.  We soaked up the entire experience – enjoying adult beverages, reminiscing about the good ole’ days and eating incredible food (Filet Mignon for me).   The best part of dinner was that none of us had a care in the world.  For those three hours that we were there, the whole world mine as well not even exist.  We were loud, we were smiling.  We were laughing, we were relaxing.  We had our toes in the sand and we just let everything go.  I honestly didn’t have a care in the world during dinner.  During those three hours, I didn’t care if I ever had internet or phone access again.  All I wanted to do was be there for as long as possible.

After dinner, we hitched a cab back to our hotel and continued to talk through the night.  We said our goodbye’s and headed into our rooms for some much needed sleep.  To be quite honest, Saturday didn’t top today, but there is still enough to write about for you to check back in.  You’ll really want to read about our Saturday night dinner at The Pickled Onion.  Find out how Los reacted when Cindy got a drink spilled on her!

Thanks again for reading.  I know it’s very long, but you don’t have to read it all in one shot.  This particular blog is over 4,000 words long, but the more you keep coming back, the more hits I keep getting!  The number of visitors per day is going up so you guys and gals must be enjoying this!

Until tomorrow, take care,

-Matt-