Aston Villa-Newcastle United: Villa Collapse Amid EPL Free-For-All

On the opening game of the new Premier League season, the world witnessed champions Chelsea smash six past the seemingly lifeless whipping boys West Brom, as the Blues' strikers enjoyed a goalscoring free-for-all.

The next weekend, three teams gifted their opponents defensive giveaways and the opportunity to claim as many goals as they wanted.

Wigan Athletic turned 'Fortress JJB' into an M4 corridor as they allowed the aforementioned Chelsea to travel north, score six again, and go home with three points and their opponents dignity.

New boys Blackpool went south to North London, Arsenal and the point of annihilation, as young Theo Walcott capitalized on a slow left back to score a hat trick and give his side a 6-0 win in his never-ending attempt to enter the annals of Arsenal Football Club and English football in general.

All of the above results were, to a certain extent, expected. Newcastle United smashing Aston Villa 6-0 at St James Park most certainly wasn't a result anticipated to join the above gang of thrashings.

But that's the way it turned out, following an inspired, determined, callous display from a vociferous Newcastle team backed by the cacophonous "Toon Army."

Young starlet Andy Carroll drew critical acclaim with his hat trick, showing shades of the legendary Alan Shearer as he proudly wore that famous, historic No. 9 shirt.

Joey Barton opened the act with a well-taken goal that ensured his ridiculed moustache would be shaved off, before Kevin Nolan added a second and a fifth goal to cap a superb team display and leave Aston Villa, not Barton's moustache, to be the current laughingstock of English football.

Because that's exactly what Villa were in the northern climes of England, laughingstocks. Or, as many of the Villa Park faithful have commented, "an absolute joke."

Think of all the superlatives to describe Newcastle's performance, then think au contraire and the opposite for Aston Villa and the dire state of Villa's showing should come to light in a damning realization.

Future superstars Ciaran Clark and Marc Albrighton have won multiple plaudits with stellar displays in recent games, but their names were not to be in shining lights this time as they disappeared into the wilderness.

Well, thankfully for him, attack minded Albrighton disappeared, but defender Clark was not so lucky, as the cold, chilling bite of embarrassment caught up with the young star, who's inexperience unfortunately shone through.

Caretaker manager Kevin MacDonald admitted to "selection mistakes" by including the young duo in the starting line-up, but the general consensus is that his main focus of worry should be the lack of firepower up front.

Evident from John Carew's quite frankly shocking penalty miss, as well as the little trouble Villa gave Newcastle's defense, scoring enough goals to challenge the teams in the upper echelons of the Premier League will be a massive challenge in itself.

In fact, bouncing back from such an unexpected, demoralising and overall humiliating annihilation will be the much more colossal challenge, especially considering Aston Villa let their potential lead go to waste within just the opening 10 minutes.

To realize just how damning Villa's bogus display was, one only has to look at the basic statistics.

Newcastle had 11 shots on target compared to none from Aston Villa, as well as 10 corners compared to Villa's two, as well as a better territorial advantage and more possession of the ball.

To see just how lackluster and uncommitted Aston Villa were, simply read the text below.

Newcastle outranked Villa in terms of tackles made, tackle success rate, fouls committed, yellow cards garnered, and as well as the amount of miles on the pitch they ran.

The Villans entertain Everton at Villa Park in their next league match. Should they replicate the Newcastle showing, "entertain" might not be the right verb to use for Aston Villa come kick-off time this Sunday.