Firing Isiah: How the Knicks Can Show Thomas the Door

This summer, the world bore witness as Isiah Thomas and the New York Knicks suffered through the most publicly embarrassing sexual harassment testimony since Clarence Thomas and his Coke can.

While I watched the spectacle unfold, I had two thoughts:

Thought No. 1: The Knicks have sunk lower than any once-great franchise in all of sports.

I defy anyone to name another organization—particularly one with the history and tradition of the Knickerbockers—that has failed so remarkably on the court and in the front office.

I mean, the Pittsburgh Pirates haven’t had a winning season since 1992—but at least they’re not paying $80-$90 million a year to field their crappy team, and Jason Bay isn’t screwing interns in the front seat of his SUV.

At least not that I’m aware of.

Thought No. 2: Isiah Thomas clearly has some sort of leverage over Knicks Chairman James Dolan.

Maybe pictures of him in bed with a dead, underage, transvestite hooker. Or maybe he knows that Dolan is himself a dead, underage, transvestite hooker.

Isiah has to have the goods on Dolan, right? How else could Jimmy justify keeping Zeke around this long?

There’s simply no other explanation.

As Knicks president, Thomas has executed some of the worst deals the league has ever seen. My personal favorite was when he acquired Steve Francis—an overpaid, shoot-first point guard who never seems to win—when he already had Stephon Marbury—the king of overpaid, shoot-first point guards who never seem to win.

And as a coach, Isiah isn't much better.

Last year, the Knicks stunk—and they’re well on their way to recapturing that same stinky-ness this season.

If that weren't enough, Thomas is already feuding with the aforementioned overpaid, shoot-first point guard who never seems to win.

Let's think about this for a minute—are there any scenarios that might actually convince Jimmy D. to hand Zeke a pink slip?  

 
Isiah Gets Direct TV

It doesn't seem like much, particularly compared with signing Jerome James to a multiyear deal—but as a man whose family made its fortune in cable television, Dolan would consider Thomas' subscribing to satellite a slap in the face far worse than running the NBA’s most expensive franchise into the ground.

 
Isiah Pulls an O.J.

Isiah wouldn’t have to kill anyone necessarily—but committing a major felony before leading police on a televised freeway chase during the NBA Finals would be grounds for contract termination.

However, if said crime were committed against a satellite television provider, Dolan would no doubt offer Thomas another contract extension and agree to pay his legal fees.

Isiah Becomes a Flesh-Eating Zombie.

If Thomas were to be exposed to radiation that left him among the ranks of the walking undead, Dolan would have no choice but to show him the door.

After all, it would be difficult for Zeke to coach the Knicks if he spent most of the morning shoot-around trying to eat their brains.

Not impossible—but difficult.

In any event, all good things come to an end. And so do the bad things.

Eventually Isiah Thomas will get fired. It's just the nature of the the NBA. Personally, I'm looking forward to the day—not because I’m a Knicks fan, but because I can’t wait to see what Thomas has on Dolan.

In order for him to have kept his job this long, it has to be juicy.