Fantasy Football Fardel: Say Bye-Bye to Bad Teams

"Good things, when short, are twice as good."

Sound like a Bill Belichick, the Baron of Brevity, press conference?

Brevity is the soul of wit, so I will be brief.

Avoid bad teams.

Avoid stockpiling your fantasy-football team with players from bad teams.

That means even Michael Turner, Steven Jackson, and Larry Johnson should be avoided.

Sure, if Johnson or Jackson plummets and is dangling down deep in the second round, maybe take a fantasy flyer on the fast back.

In the first round though, don't pull that string.

Beware, no matter how good these guys are, they are gonna get pounded. Their teams are going to be losing most games, and the running game is going to be mostly removed from their team's catch-up offense.

Sure, they will catch a few screens and sneak a couple of draw plays, but their bread and butter, the 25-carries-a-game grind, is gone.

Steven Jackson is playing in the final year of his contract, which is usually a good time to grab a player trying to run hard for a big future payday.

But the St. Louis Rams are bad, especially their offensive line. Orlando Pace, the foundation of the line, is old and injured. Marc Bulger is going to get pounded and probably injured. The Rams' receiving corps, for the first time in a decade, is not deep and Torry Holt always seems to be hobbling.

Head coach Scott Linehan has one foot out the door. The rumors swirl the Rams are running back to Los Angles.

Steven Jackson won't be running for much in St. Louis, as the Rams' ship slowly sinks. Avoid him, Holt, and Bulger. And the rest of the Rams' pack.

Across the "Show-me State", Larry Johnson is ready to run again. And Herman Edwards will run him. The question is: how fast and how far?

The Kansas City Chiefs are weak at quarterback, with Brodie Croyle and constant cast-off Damon Huard behind center. The Chiefs' line, not so long ago one of the best in the league, needs to be rebuilt. Rookie Brandon Albert will help, but he will be exposed on the flank at left tackle, a position he is not real familiar with.

Defenses will be stacked, waiting for Larry Johnson, daring Herman Edwards to throw. Herm doesn't like to throw. Herm likes to win 12-10 on a fourth quarter 50-yard field goal.

Throw out Johnson unless he drops way down into the second round.

Chiefs' wide receiver Dwayne Bowe might be worth a shot as a second or third receiver, despite being on a bad team. When the Chiefs throw, it will be to him. Tony Gonzalez is about shot, and the ex-Tiger has a knack for the end zone if Croyle can connect.

A big if that is; Herm Edwards's long-lost dream of Croyle constantly connecting with players in the correct jerseys.

Sometimes a wide receiver or tight end on a bad team can provide value, if that team is always going to be losing in games and they have a quarterback who can at least give the passing game a decent shot at success.

Michael Turner, meet Confederate General Joseph Johnston. The last person to be so badly beaten in Atlanta.

Turner, like General Johnston, is going to be overwhelmed by numbers and superior firepower. Like the Rebs at Atlanta, Turner isn't really going to have a chance.

The Atlanta Falcons have a rookie quarterback, a very bad offensive line with a rookie tackle, and a depleted receiving corps.

That means tough going for Turner. That means major time resting his battered body in the hot tub. He's it for Atlanta, and everyone knows it.

Expect not his career 5.5-yards a pop, no hope for maybe 3.5-yards a carry, scrambling behind the battered dirty birds.

Avoid all Atlanta Falcons.

Avoid all Chicago Bears also.

One anonymous NFL general manager said in the offseason that the Bears have assembled the worst collection of offensive talent of the Super Bowl era.

Rookie left tackle from Vanderbilt, rookie running back from Tulane, no quality NFL wide receivers, an unsettled offensive line, and horrid quarterbacks make for a witch's brew of a Bears' offense.

Don't fall for the Bear trap. Hibernate all your Bears offensive players this year.

The Big Tuna, Bill Parcells, will have the Fish swimming again.

But Bill builds with defense and a power-running offensive line.

It will take time for the sea mammals to gather their depth and strength.

Never ride a rookie quarterback in the NFL. Mistakes will be made and teams will force Chad Henne to throw. If John Beck or Josh McCown starts at quarterback, teams will force them to throw as well.

Neither of the veterans' arms spark fear in a defense, which is bad news for Downtown Ronnie Brown, as seven-man fronts will be waiting to batter and break Brown.

Ted Ginn, one of the oddest draft picks in years, has not done much to excite anyone except his agent.

Avoid swimming with the Dolphins until the Tuna turns them around.

Alex Smith doesn't have "It".

You know, "It." Special quarterbacks need "It".

That special something San Francisco 49ers fans know so well from watching Joe Montana and Steve Young.

When a team builds their offense around a franchise quarterback, and he fails, the head coach goes down in flames with him.

Alex Smith and Mike Nolan look like incompetent co-pilots on a bad Twelve O'clock High episode who have been crippled by anti-aircraft fire, are lost above Germany, and surrounded by buzzing, angry Messerschmidts.

Nolan can't fly the plane right and Smith can't work his gun, so the Niners are done. Doomed.

The offensive line is also sub-par, not a bonus when developing a quarterback, and its play has lessened the value of hard-running Frank Gore.

Gore will be gored by defenses again, as Smith is unable to take pressure off him with a capable passing game. Pass on all Niners.

Unless one can grab Gore in the second round, as he does run hard despite the "Gang Up on Gore" defense designed against him.

Not being capable of directing an NFL offense wasn't enough of a burden for Tennessee quarterback Vince Young. No, it seems being a head case was his offseason addition to team unity.

Young, who waxed not so elegantly about the joys of retiring at the ancient age of 25 from his very painful life as a multi-million-dollar player of sport, seems to miss being a superstar Texas Longhorn.

In Big 12 games, he could dominate with superior athletic ability. Not so in the big leagues. Young must master the Titans' offense and his angst. Either Young can't, or won't, do that.

Until he does, and stops being a hindrance, the Titans' offense will flounder. Jeff Fisher will field a competitive team who will try to steal low-scoring games.

Not a good option for fantasy football. Don't remember any Titans on draft day.

The Oakland Raiders offense is filled with potential.

Will everything click for JaMarcus Russell? Will Darren McFadden eat up the league as a rookie? Will Justin Fargas and Michael Bush finally be a wicked one-two punch?

Will Robert Gallery finally play on Sundays like he played on Big-Ten Saturdays?

Will Javon Walker realize that if he can afford to spray $15,000 of bubbly, he can afford $5,000 worth of Las Vegas bodyguards? Off-duty Vegas cops or retired Special Forces fellas will gladly escort pampered, rich, child men around town for a few thousand bucks.

When will Al's ax fall on Lane Kiffin?

Too many questions and too many ball carriers in Raiderland, so avoid Oakland high in the draft.

To be brief, avoid bad teams. They will drag your draft down with them.