High Stakes, High Pressure: Inside the Mind of a FIFA Professional

It's 2012. I'm at my first-ever major FIFA tournament in New York. There's $400,000 in the prize pot.

I'm winning my opening game 1-0, but my opponent scores in the 90th minute. I go 2-1 up in extra time, but he nets in the 120th, forcing penalties. I miss my first one.

I cannot stop shaking. I nearly pass out.

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I'm Dave Bytheway, a 24-year-old professional FIFA player for Wolfsburg, but the way I see the game has changed dramatically. In competitive games, it is mentally exhausting and nerve-wracking; the pressure you put yourself under because you know that so many people are watching, it's hard to take, and many have cracked under the pressure.

Years ago I was in love with the game. It started out as just me wanting to beat my friends, same as everyone, no matter what game you get into. I'm a competitive person, though; I always wanted to be the best. FIFA brought that out of me.

I was putting in six to seven hours a day; I'd spend time with my mates in the afternoon, then we'd all go back and play in the evening. In the summer break between school and college, I played it non-stop.

After a while, none of my mates could challenge me, so I started looking for leagues online and found a website where I could challenge higher-calibre players. My first match was against the guy top of the ladder—he had an insane record—and I won, 3-0.

That's when I realised I might be really good at this game, but at no point did I ever think I would get to where I am today—I didn't even really know esports existed.

Credit: VfL Wolfsburg

This was in 2009, way before football clubs like Wolfsburg, Paris Saint-Germain and Manchester City were involved in the scene. The only way to progress at this point was to join esports gaming teams and find support (rarely could I justify spending £200 on a train and a hotel to travel to a tournament, and the prize money wasn't there yet) but so many were so unreliable. I moved between maybe 15 to 20 of them, with most dying out after 3 to 4 months.

They make players a lot of promises but rarely deliver. "Yeah! We'll give you this! Yeah, we'll send you to that tournament!" I was with one in 2012 who told me they'd send me to New York to compete for that $400,000 prize pot, but they never followed through.

"Are you gonna send me, then?" "Yeah, yeah we will, we will."  The tournament drew closer and closer, and the day before...nothing. I just thought "f--k this; you're a joke" and ended up paying myself.

That's why I was shaking; that's why I nearly passed out. I paid out of my own pocket to get there, taking a big risk.

Sam Tighe

The prize money was split so that if you went there and lost, you received nothing, but if you managed just one win, you earned at least $800. I thought "I've only got to win one game and I've covered my costs," so at 10:30 p.m. that night, I booked a flight from London Heathrow for the next morning at 9 a.m. I realised while booking I didn't even know if I could make it to the airport for then (from Wolverhampton), but thankfully there was a coach at 3:30 a.m. 

I got on it, but I couldn't sleep.

After arriving in New York, I found out my first game was against a guy from Canada who had already won a tournament and was sent for free. No pressure on him, then.

Back to me shaking in my boots. I'm up twice in the game but concede in the 90th and 120th minutes to force penalties, then miss my first one. I don't think I've ever been as nervous in my entire life—but I turn it around and win.

Credit: Wolfsburg

The sense of relief that came over me was insane.

It was the start of something. Two years later, I'm signed by Wolfsburg as their third professional FIFA player, thanks to the help of an agency named STARK eSports.

Due to past experiences with gaming teams, I didn't hold my breath when STARK got in touch, but they were honest with me. We made a connection, they were clear with their plan, and I joined a few months later.

Their (and Wolfsburg's interest) was largely off the back of my performance at the 2014 FIFA Interactive World Cup. It was held in Rio de Janeiro at the same time as the actual FIFA World Cup, and I had a really good tournament, finishing second (to August "Agge" Rosenmeier). It was the first I'd seriously, intensely prepared myself for. It was on PlayStation 3, so I converted from Xbox 360 in January and practiced for five months on a different console.

Again, it wasn't pleasant. I flew overnight and landed at 7 a.m., but I had to film some content straight away (with FIFA) and wasn't allowed to go to the hotel to sleep. It got to 6 p.m.—still not allowed to leave. More events to do. I'm on the Copacabana beach—great view, but so what?

TASSO MARCELO/Getty Images

I finally get back and feel sick to my stomach; I'm so nervous I can't sleep. The next day I played the group stage and qualified, and the finals were set to take place the next day.

Back to my room—can't sleep again. I throw up.

Signing for Wolfsburg only increased the pressure. It's not the club that places it on me; it's a natural pressure you put on yourself. I play for a professional football team. I'm the guy everyone wants to beat. I have the job everyone wants. When you do live events or play non-professionals and they do something you're not accustomed to, a panic sets in. "What do I do? I can't lose this!" It's nerve-wracking.

But there are reasons to keep going, and I'm focused on FIFA 18 and hoping for a better year than I had with 17. I know I'm not going to be playing this game competitively at age 35, so I have to maximise my time now. I've seen so many people do four years on the scene and then just...stop, and get a normal job. What a waste. You're going to throw all that time, and all those hours, away?

When you score an important goal at a tournament, you cannot contain yourself. You always think you're going to be calm—it's just a goal!—but all of your hard work comes down to those moments; it becomes either all worth it, or not. Those emotions cannot be described.

Credit: VfL Wolfsburg

At finals, like in the FIWC or in Berlin this year, it's about executing at key moments. Every player at that tournament is brilliant, it's just about who is capable of doing brilliant things on that stage. In that sense, it's like real football, and it comes with the same expectations and pressures attached.

I'm doing more than just playing FIFA, too; it's not all gaming. I do bits of roaming reporting, various live events, and I've even sat in a production truck to help commentators at tournaments. Wolfsburg fly me everywhere; sometimes it's Paris, then a few days at home, then off to Sydney, back, then Miami the next day. I've spent some time with the football squad in Miami.

I have travelled the world. Ninety percent of the places I have been to, is because of FIFA and playing in or working at tournaments. It's tiring, but I do like it. I wouldn't still be doing this if there wasn't plenty I liked about it.

But I bet if you asked every player at the Berlin championships or at this year's Interactive World Cup if they still enjoy playing the game when the stakes are high and the environment is competitive, not many would say yes. Professional gamers? We're just kids being taken out of our rooms. I like playing with my mates still, but when I play FIFA competitively there cannot be any enjoyment anymore.

That's where my team comes in. I'm not an easy person to manage—I'm well aware of that. But Wolfsburg do not put me under pressure, and my gaming agency STARK eSports are fantastic in the way they deal with me, motivate me and extract the best from me.

It's difficult at this level, stressful, and I didn't have the best of years last year. FIFA 18 will be different.

As told to Sam Tighe.