Joey Julius Discusses Suicidal Thoughts, Struggles with Eating Disorder

Former Penn State kicker Joey Julius told Nittany Lions head football athletic trainer Tim Bream "if you let me go home, I'm going to kill myself" following a workout in March.

It's one of the revelations Julius made to Emily Caron of espnW.com in an article released Monday about his past suicidal thoughts, his struggles to overcome an eating disorder and depression.

Julius, a 22-year-old Wisconsin native, said the scale read almost 300 pounds following that March workout. It represented his heaviest weight ever, and he said the difference between the average kicker and himself was part of the problem in recent years.

"Body image is my biggest struggle," he told Caron. "I think it's one of the hardest things we deal with as human beings. I was a kicker on a football team, and you'd always hear, 'He doesn't have the typical kicker's body.' But I really did not have the typical kicker's body. I was not built like a kicker. I literally looked nothing like I was 'supposed' to be."

Julius went public with the issue last October with a post on his Facebook page, which confirmed he was set to undergo three months of treatment in St. Louis. He announced in May he had returned to McCallum Place for further help after additional struggles with the disorder.

The latter treatment followed his meeting with Bream, which led the trainer and roommate Kyle Vasey to find a "litany of pills," with Julius saying he was "wholeheartedly" prepared to commit suicide before seeking out more help, according to espnW.com.

"I don't know what it was, but something inside of me made me stay. Now I think it was the Lord saving me from myself," he said.

Last week, Penn State head coach James Franklin confirmed Julius had been removed from the roster for the 2017 season but couldn't provide further details, per Scout's Mark Brennan.

"It's a delicate situation," Franklin said. "Obviously, the most important thing to us is the health and welfare of our players. … We love Joe and we support Joe, and he has been a huge part of our program and will continue to be."

Julius didn't address his football future, but he explained to Caron he's "finally doing better now" and he hopes his story "can help end the stigma" surrounding eating disorders, mental health and suicide.