The Weirdest Events at the 2016 Rio Olympics

Please don't take this the wrong way.

Just because a sport is on this list doesn't mean anyone thinks it doesn't require skill or hard work. It doesn't mean that sport's athletes aren't highly trained and dedicated individuals.

All it means is this: the sport is weird.

Weirdness in this context doesn't mean underwater basket-weaving, or professional snuff-stuffing (unfortunately). This is the Olympics, after all. Every sport, to a pretty large degree, is pretty widely practiced, universal and easy to understand. That's kind of the point of the Olympics.

And yet, weirdos are gonna weirdo. I should know. Whether it's because of the rules or the objectives or because they're simply visually jarring to watch, these are the weirdest sports on the official docket for Rio.

They are listed in no specific order. 

Golf

Eric Sucar-USA TODAY Sports

Bubba Watson

I know, I know. This is not a weird sport. At least not per se, as the Latin speakers among us might say.

But for the Olympics? Yes, golf is pretty strange. It looks like I'm not the only one who feels that way.

Returning to the Olympics for the first time since 1904, golf isn't exactly synonymous with the Olympics. That may be why so many of the world's top players have pulled out of the games, which happen as the PGA Tour calendar is still unfolding.

Yes, many of the players cited the Zika virus or security concerns as the reason for their withdrawals, but as Olympics guru Christine Brennan of USA Today wrote in June:

"

For most professional golfers, however, Rio is either a nuisance or a lark. They would much rather win the Masters or the U.S. or British Opens. An Olympic gold medal? Perhaps that ranks right up there with the John Deere Classic, perhaps not. ... While these young multi-millionaires have every right to blame Zika, we have every right to wonder if that’s not just a convenient excuse to get out of making a trip to South America in the midst of their professional season. It’s an excuse that is helping to expose the tremendous mistake the International Olympic Committee made seven years ago by bringing back golf to the Olympics, allowing a sport already overflowing with international events to take a precious Olympic berth that originally had belonged to softball.

"

Golf is already locked in for 2020, but the IOC can make adjustments for 2024. We'll see what happens. Until then, this is going to look weird on the old TV.

Triple Jump

ADRIAN DENNIS/Getty Images

Christian Taylor

The long jump makes sense; it's pretty straightforward. But who felt that adding two jumps into the mix was necessary?

I mean, I'm sure there's an answer. If there wasn't, it wouldn't exist. And the leg strength this takes is certainly impressive. 

And yet, I'm still left wondering: Why?

And while we're at it, why is there no double jump in the Olympics?

Men's Field Hockey

MANAN VATSYAYANA/Getty Images

This one is probably only strange to Americans.

Field hockey—or "hockey," as most of the world apparently calls it—is the oldest stick-and-ball sport in the world, according to the sport's official Olympic page.

It doesn't seem to be this way in most other nations, but in the U.S. of A, field hockey is dominated by women. There are no D-1 NCAA men's field hockey programs, and the American men haven't won a field hockey medal since 1932 and were unable to qualify for the Rio games.

So for better or worse, seeing men play it on TV causes a little bit of cognitive dissonance here in the states. 

Race Walking

The Russians and the Chinese dominated the race walk in London, taking five of six possible medals between the men's and women's events. 

Will they do it again in Rio, I ask? Will they do it again? I'll tell you what, I'm on the edge of my seat. Well, maybe just sitting comfortably. We don't watch race walks uncomfortably. 

I don't even know how a person figures out that he or she is good at race walking, or where he or she might train for such a thing. Somewhere near the curling arena, one imagines.

All jokes aside, this is definitely the most compelling Olympic sport where all the competitors look like they really have to get to a bathroom right away. At least in modern times. 

Trampoline

Lintao Zhang/Getty Images

Dong Dong

Later this summer in Rio, the sport of trampoline may just crown its Michael Jordan. That person's name is Dong Dong.

Dong took a gold medal for China on the men's side in London, and is among the favorites to do so again in 2016.

Dong spoke recently to Olympics.org:

"

I’ve been looking forward to the competition so much. It’s not so much of a result as a milestone in my life. You can’t judge people solely on victory or defeat. It was my biggest dream and I’m so happy. ... The most important moment has passed now, and I have to go away and prepare for the challenges that lie ahead. It doesn’t matter if I win or lose. The most important thing in life is to make the most of what you’ve got.

"

But China's medal hopes don't begin and end with Dong. Defending world champ Li Dan is one of the favorites in the women's competition as well. 

As for the sport's weirdness, it's got nothing to do with Dong. Based on those comments, he seems perfectly nice. Rather, it has to do with the fact that it's sort of like the traditional vault event from gymnastics, except it happens 20 feet in the air.

Or maybe it's like springboard diving, except in the opposite direction, and there's no water. I don't know.

Modern Pentathlon

RAYMOND ROIG/Getty Images

Elodie Clouvel and Valentin Belaud (R), respectively world vice-champion and world champion in modern pentathlon, pose during a training session of the French team in Font-Romeu, on June 14, 2016 ahead of the Rio Olympics. / AFP / RAYMOND ROIG

This is how James Bond gets in shape for his next covert mission.

Despite its name, the modern pentathlon—comprising pistol shooting, fencing, swimming, horse riding and running—began in 1912. That makes the event even more interesting, since I do not recall ever having seen it on TV.

Part of that may be that I'm an American jerk, and Americans tend to only watch sports in which they have a chance of watching their countrymen and countrywomen medal. Modern pentathlon is not one of those sports.

Equestrian Dressage

I'd bet a mortgage that dressage is revered by the horse-sports enthusiast. You know, the ultimate expression of technical mastery, can't tell where the horse ends and the rider begins, that sort of thing?

For the rest of us, this is a visual freakout. In what other Olympic sport do the athletes compete in top hats and tails? Oh, wait, the answer is none? None, is it? Right.

To all of us unwashed types, dressage is just various incarnations of the Monopoly guy riding a horse that canters in place. Look at that control! What a well-trained animal!

Weird.