FA Cup Hangover: Upsets in Short Supply but Shrews Hit Man United Jackpot

If the FA Cup really is about magic and romance, then this weekend's fourth-round matches felt like the day David Copperfield and Claudia Schiffer got divorced.

Chelsea's 5-1 win at Championship side MK Dons on Sunday afternoon concluded a set of fixtures that saw all Premier League clubs pitted against lower-league teams make it into the fifth-round draw.

West Brom must duke it out again with Peterborough United in a replay after twice they failed to hold a lead at the Hawthorns, but otherwise it was a clean sweep for the top flight. Oscar Wilde once said, "The very essence of romance is uncertainty." It's unlikely he'd have felt amorous upon digesting this weekend's fare.

In 16 ties played over the weekend, there were only two matches whereby a team beat an opponent higher in the football pyramid at the start of play. Crystal Palace's 1-0 win over Stoke City at Selhurst Park was one of them. Two points and as many places separate them in the Premier League. As shocks go, it's up there with Elton John's marriage to Renate Blauel not going the distance. 

The other proved to be the competition's biggest upset, as Sheffield Wednesday tumbled out to Shrewsbury Town in a tumultuous contest at Greenhous Meadow. The League One strugglers edged out a Wednesday side that has crept into the Championship play-offs on the back of an unbeaten 2016, courtesy of the odd goal in five.

Jack Grimmer, on-loan from a Victorian period drama, scored Shrewsbury's winner in the seventh minute of added time. With three minutes of the 90 left to play, Sheffield Wednesday were 2-1 up. The Emirates FA Cup provided highlights:

Here was a proper old-fashioned cup tie, with Micky Mellon proving to have quite the Midas touch in the competition having overseen five victories over Championship sides in his 20 months in charge of the Shrews.

After the game Mellon spoke of what it meant for his club to make it through to the last 16, per the Times: "I love football, and with the FA Cup you get butterflies sitting there, waiting for your number to come out.

"I'm going to enjoy it and hope we pull out one of the big boys for our fans." Shrewsbury Town FC provided confirmation for the matchup with Manchester United:

To quote Michael Corleone in The Godfather Part III: "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in."

FA Cup 5th-Round Draw in full: 

Chelsea vs. Manchester City
Reading vs. West Brom or Peterborough United
Watford vs. Leeds United
Shrewsbury Town vs. Manchester United
Blackburn Rovers vs. Liverpool or West Ham United
Tottenham vs. Crystal Palace
Arsenal vs. Hull City
Bournemouth vs. Everton

Relief for Van Gaal as improved United display ensures progression

Rui Vieira/Associated Press/Associated Press

Next up then to attempt to tame the Shrews are a Manchester United side that advanced to the fifth round by virtue of a 3-1 victory at Derby County on Friday night. One swallow does not a summer make seemed to be the sentiment most readily proffered in the game's aftermath.

Louis van Gaal's relationship with the English media has seemingly hit an all-time low. A contortionist would get a backache trying to pick up the pieces of this love affair gone south. The Dutchman was by all accounts a belligerent presence in his post-match press conference. 

According to ESPN's John Brewin, he snapped at a reporter: "The next match I can lose, and then I am sacked by you." 

All managers are judged beyond the context of a singular 90 minutes, yet at the same time when there are so many hefty sticks with which to beat Van Gaal, it felt many were hitting him with a twig in overly criticising Friday's performance.

Given he has spent a quarter of a billion dollars assembling a team so soporific—Terry Waite once left a game early because he couldn't bear the tedium—it seemed a little churlish to focus on the negatives of a performance that at least hinted at adopting a more forward-thinking style of play.

It seems the Dutchman successfully eating a sandwich could not be reported without the accompaniment of ubiquitous caveats over its cost, how many Sir Alex Ferguson would have been able to consume in the same time frame, etc. Speaking of costs, BBC Sport's Juliette Ferrington pointed out Van Gaal said he would be taking advantage of an expensive bottle of wine Ed Woodward gifted him:

Van Gaal’s tenure is seemingly so deep into Fergie time, Brian Kidd racing from the touchline to skid on to the field on his knees will surely greet the next first-half goal scored by the home side at Old Trafford. 

It wasn’t exactly deserving of a ticker-tape reception, but by and large what transpired at the iPro Stadium was a significant improvement for United. On the back of a home defeat to Southampton that was so insipid, club stewards are still trying to clear comatose bodies from stairwells ahead of Tuesday’s visit of Stoke City, it wouldn’t have taken much to encourage a 5,500-strong away following in raucous good voice. They certainly sounded like they were enjoying themselves. 

The tempo of the game was so much better, in that it had one. Young Uruguayan full-back Guillermo Varela injected a buccaneering inclination that has been missing from United's full-backs since Rafael was bundling into a boot and driven all the way to Lyon for having the temerity to cross the halfway line. Wayne Rooney, part of the same caveat club as his manager, scored a sublime (if marginally offside) opening goal and was a smart and willing focal point all evening.

The Emirates FA Cup shared highlights of Rooney's "neat finish":

To the left of him, Anthony Martial was electric at times. Punch drunk, his direct opponent Cyrus Christie had such a horror show, he was wearing stockings and suspenders by full-time. 

United went in level at half-time, with Rooney's opener, a sixth goal in as many matches, having been cancelled out by George Thorne’s well-taken effort against the run of play. A poor Morgan Schneiderlin performance was exacerbated by the fact he had failed to track his man.

In the BBC studio, Peter Schmeichel described the away side’s performance as the worst he’s ever seen in terms of giving away possession. In that respect, it wasn’t even United’s worst performance of the week.

It was an OK, so-so performance against a decent Championship team in a poor run of form. No more, no less. When Arsenal won 2-1 at home a day later against a Burnley side who have accumulated just two more points in the league than Derby this season, the general consensus was job done. 

At full-time, despite United having stepped it up to win 3-1, with Daley Blind and Juan Mata on target, Robbie Savage transmitted white noise as only he can. 

"IT’S ONLY DERBY!" he repeatedly protested to no one in particular. Yeah, you're right, Robbie, they should have beaten someone better.

It was as though he thought the rest of us watching had been hoodwinked into believing Van Gaal’s side had done a job on Barcelona or Brazil '70. A lone dissenting voice of reason, Savage cast himself as football’s Christopher Columbus, exasperated by his fellow pundits insisting the only thing round in this world is the ball.

As an aside, why does co-commentator Danny Murphy start every other sentence with "if I'm honest"? It makes me nervous. I spend most of the game wondering what he might have been lying about.

Manchester City salute a new star as Iheanacho runs riot

Rui Vieira/Associated Press

The biggest losers of the weekend were Aston Villa. And Wilfried Bony.

As Manchester City sauntered into the fifth round of the FA Cup courtesy of a 4-0 victory over a Villa side so downbeat it wouldn’t have been a surprise had Larry David been part of their midfield, Kelechi Promise Iheanacho put in a performance that was pretty, pretty good. 

Given only 23,636 were in attendance, it would appear Villa supporters have curbed their enthusiasm for a competition in which their team reached the final last season.

Iheanacho was, of course, much better than pretty good as he ended the day with the match ball, courtesy of a sharply taken hat-trick, but that wouldn’t have worked with the Larry David theme so just go with it.

After just four minutes, it became apparent why the North Stand was the only one close to being full, housing as it did 6,000 away fans. The Holte End may have been sparsely populated, but the collective groan that emitted from it when Iheanacho showed predatory instincts in stabbing home from close range, after Brad Guzan had parried Fernando’s header, would likely have been heard in Manchester.

OptaJoe passed along Manchester City's FA Cup stats vs. Chelsea:

If this was Iheanacho’s coming of age movie, his Daniel LaRusso booting Johnny Lawrence in the chin moment arrived in the 24th minute when City were awarded a penalty. After Villa defender Leandro Bacuna upended Raheem Sterling in the area, the City forward dusted himself down and made for the ball.

With the glorious precociousness of youth, Iheanacho had other ideas as he informed the £49million man that City’s penalty taking responsibilities aren’t solely decided on a smelt-it-dealt-it basis.

Captain Pablo Zabaleta had to intervene and appeared to pick well as Iheanacho paused on his run-up to allow Guzan to put his weight down to one side before rolling the ball into the opposite corner. It could have been Mario Balotelli. City will pray it’s not an omen.

His hat-trick goal saw him profit from yet more abject Villa defending, as he pounced on an Idrissa Gueye backpass that was so bad it blushed on arrival at the striker's feet. There was still plenty to do when he stole possession, and dangerously for a striker, plenty of time to do it in.

Like with his penalty, though, Iheanacho seemed at ease with the decision-making process as he made for goal while fending off the attention of Aly Cissokho. His slotted finish past Guzan had the cocksure air of shooting practice in training. OptaJoe noted Man City's pattern of hat-tricks this season:

At 19, he led the line with such effortless dynamism, City made light of the absence of Sergio Aguero, David Silva, Yaya Toure and Kevin De Bruyne to keep the flame burning in four different competitions.

If Manuel Pellegrini wins the FA Cup, Capital One Cup, Premier League and Champions League, there's a slim chance he might just get to keep his job. Even Pep Guardiola can’t boast a quadruple on his CV.

Iheanacho’s performance was enough to convince Pellegrini he deserves promotion to City's Champions League squad that is to be announced this week.

"I'm very happy. Kelechi is a very good young player,” he said post-match, via the BBC.

"We let Stevan Jovetic and Edin Dzeko go because I see Kelechi every day and know what he can do."

Out of shot, Bony allowed a single tear to roll down his cheek.

Not without first having given an interview with Tom Adams of Eurosport: "I absolutely do not want to leave Manchester City, I want to stay here.

"I am in the fifth biggest club in the world. Why should I look elsewhere?"

Fifth-biggest club in the world? As compliments go, that's right up there with telling your wife she's definitely in the top three most attractive women in the street. 

 
Sanchez just the tonic as Arsenal keep up remarkable record 

Frank Augstein/Associated Press

When Arsene Wenger is inevitably accused on Tuesday morning of fiddling while Rome burns, he should show his detractors Alexis Sanchez's showreel of highlights from Saturday's game against Burnley.

To use a cliche long since accepted in modern football parlance, Arsenal having Sanchez back from injury will be like signing a new player. He's a new player who without any shadow of doubt will be significantly better than any deadline-day deal struck on Monday.

Wenger refusing to look up from his book while the rest of the world operates for one day only in a hyper-reality, where supercilious men in yellow ties are kings and Andy Carroll is worth £35 million, deserves to be celebrated not criticised.

An engaging FA Cup tie in which Burnley gave a more-than-fair account of themselves, and which drew hefty praise for Sean Dyche's side from Wenger at full-time, never really looked like seriously threatening Arsenal's record against lower-league teams that has seen them lose just once in 41 ties, to Blackburn in 2013. Only one player has scored more goals than Sanchez this season, according to OptaJoe:

Even when Sam Vokes' towering header cancelled out Calum Chambers' outlandish opener for the home side, it was always Arsenal in control and inevitably, it was Sanchez at the hub of their best work. On his first start since 29 November, when a torn hamstring at Norwich City curtailed his season for two months, the Chilean was mesmerising. 

Channelling that rare mix of pugnaciousness and guile to optimum effect, Sanchez provided Arsenal with just the fillip they needed after a post-Christmas period that has seen them drop points to Southampton, Liverpool, Stoke and Chelsea.

Sanchez was the architect of Arsenal's opener as three Burnley defenders seemed hypnotised in his presence as he delayed and delayed before playing in Chambers with the cutest of through balls.

The assist was delicious, but Chambers' finish with the outside of his right boot was so tasty, it was awarded a Michelin star before it had even nestled into the far top corner. The Emirates FA Cup provided highlights:

Sanchez's winner with a searing snapshot of his own wasn't bad either. A sweeping counter-attack culminated in a trademark finish that was so explosive, it's thought both Elmer Fudd and Guy Fawkes are weighing up bids on Monday.

Fortunately for Arsenal, Wenger will have his phone off the hook all day.

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