Premier League Hangover: United Ghostbusters Slay Swans, Arsenal & City Win Ugly

On a weekend when Louis van Gaal had called on the Ghostbusters to ride to his rescue, Wayne Rooney and Anthony Martial did more than passable impersonations of Dr. Peter Venkman and Winston Zeddemore.

While the Dutchman has always insisted he ain’t afraid of no sack, he was willing to concede pre-match that Swansea City were his "ghost team," having overseen defeats in each of his three matches against the Premier League strugglers, per the Independent.

For 45 minutes on Saturday, there continued to be something strange in the neighborhood, as Manchester United extended a run of failing to score in the first half at Old Trafford to nine matches. Van Gaal has known exactly whom to call but has been on hold because of unprecedented demand since Juan Mata’s penalty against Wolfsburg on September 30.

Few supporters now bother to ditch snaking queues for pies and pints before kick-off in the fear of missing an early goal. Another ghost, Sir Alex Ferguson, summed up the mood in the stands during the first half when he was caught on camera playing with his phone. He may well have been texting the Samaritans.

As far as Bill Murray films go, Lost in Translation is equally apt to sum up United’s season. As a meditation on boredom and isolation, Old Trafford has been very much the equal to a soulless Tokyo hotel room. At least Murray had Scarlett Johansson for company; Van Gaal has had to make do with Ryan Giggs, who continues to wear the look of a teenager made to spend the weekend traipsing around a stately home with his parents.

Of all the 92 grounds that span England’s top four divisions, Old Trafford, with 15, has seen the fewest goals.

United’s first effort on target did not arrive until after the half-hour mark, as Mata shot meekly at Lukasz Fabianski. A home crowd that spent the first half hoping the gnawing feeling at the pit of the stomach was a delayed hangover from New Year’s Eve and not heartburn at failing to digest Louis’ philosophy, struggled on occasion to contain a collective frustration at United’s tortuously slow and ponderous build-up play.

The Barclays Bank television advert that shows a group of old-age pensioners playing walking football is missing half of its cast. A quarter of a billion doesn’t afford you much these days.

After the interval, as Rooney and Martial took to the field in boiler suits with backpacks, United were vastly improved. It wasn’t a faultless performance that quelled a worst run of results in 26 years, halting a sequence of four defeats in five games in the process, but it was better. Much better. After a 42-day wait for a win, even Giggs hinted at a smile.

Ashley Young was by and large the catalyst as he slung over a series of inviting crosses from the right flank that seemingly reminded United’s strikers of where they are supposed to be. For the majority of a season in which they had managed just six Premier League goals between them prior to Saturday, Rooney (two) and Martial (four) have shown about as much inclination to get into the box as members of an audience urged to do so by an amateur magician wielding a saw.

It seems a new year has brought about fresh resolutions. United’s dashing young Frenchman faced his fear head-on, quite literally, when he hustled into the penalty area without company to plant Young’s devilish delivery into the ground and beyond Fabianski just two minutes after the restart.

It was telling that Martial nodded in after Young’s ball had marginally evaded Rooney’s own run into the six-yard box. It made a refreshing change to see United’s captain so advanced, as opposed to making wild gesticulations from the halfway line.

The relief proved intoxicating as the 20-year-old’s vigor acted as a virus. It was far from vintage United, but as an approximation of the past, it wasn’t so bad. The home side pressed for another goal, as the front two looked like a dating couple past the holding-hands stage but still early enough in to find one another’s company at once surprising and comforting.

When Martial made trademark zigzag forays into the box, Rooney did likewise. They were not quite sharing a tandem, but there were signs of promise.

Both could have extended United’s advantage before Gylfi Sigurdsson ghosted into the box to loop a cunningly conceived header over David De Gea from substitute Modou Barrow’s cross after he had evaded Matteo Darmian with a cute trick of his own. The Gambian was introduced for Leon Britton on 62 minutes and provided a lively out ball for Swansea throughout his cameo.

Van Gaal must have felt apocryphal tales of swans being able to kill a man could prove to have more substance than many believe, only to see his captain cap a restorative week with a winner of such improvised beauty it was impossible not to wonder what may happen in the next few weeks if further buckles are loosened on United’s straitjacket.

According to Van Gaal, it was anger that fuelled Saturday's 2-1 win. In a campaign in which insipidness has been more prevalent than inspiration, it's an emotion that needs to be encouraged.

"[The players] are very angry that we have lost so many games in a row," he said, per the Manchester Evening News. "They are also not used to that, I'm not used to that, losing four matches in a row. Never, and I have been in this profession for 25 years."

"So it's unusual and they are angry also and want to change the situation."

The previous Saturday, a disconsolate Rooney sat on United’s bench in defeat at Stoke City. After being recalled for a goalless draw with Chelsea at Old Trafford, he was largely, if not universally, praised for his performance.

A week on from his Britannia Stadium ego-bruising an impudent flick through his legs, after Martial had again demonstrated that rare capacity he has in his locker to drive at defences in the box without running out of space, gave United a first win in nine matches. There's little doubt he's knuckled down for his manager without complaint. No wonder Jose Mourinho tried to sign him. 

A 238th goal for Manchester United saw him overtake Denis Law to move into second on the club’s all-time leading goalscorer list behind Sir Bobby Charlton on 249. It also saw him nudge aside Andy Cole in the Premier League scoring charts, on 188 goals, meaning Alan Shearer, with 260, is now the only player ahead of him.

Swansea City caretaker boss Alan Curtis will have rued the width of the woodwork when Andre Ayew’s flick header came back off the post and cursed the officials when a curtailed Angel Rangel run into the box earned a booking when on another day it would have won a penalty. Ashley Williams' potshot from range also brought an excellent stop from De Gea at the death.

Even the Spaniard would have been powerless from preventing his opposite number, Fabianski, becoming the unlikeliest of Swansea saviors, had the Pole’s booming header from a corner with the final touch of the game been an inch inside, as opposed outside, his near post.

True to his contrarian nature to the very last, Van Gaal believed the first half was better than the one that yielded three fine goals. Maybe he was just doing as Ed Woodward instructed, with United’s executive vice-chairman trying to sell highlights of the first half to the Association of Anesthetists.

A 3-2-4-1 formation, 3-5-1-1 if you prefer or 3-5-2 if you are that way inclined—no one was quite sure—eschewed traditional full-backs and seemed to puzzle United’s players as much as it did the crowd in the first period. Van Gaal insisted it was all part of his grand design.

Jon Super/Associated Press

"I think the first half was [a] better half than the second,” he said post-match, via the Mail on Sunday. The assembled press pack nodded in unison and scribbled "mad man" in the margins.

"The second half is better because we scored two fantastic goals, but as a team our performance in the first half was better."

The tinkering with formations is matched by a predilection to switch personnel. The decision to pull his best attacking threat Young back to right-back when he had his direct opponent, Neil Taylor, inhaling smelling salts at every break in play recalled a quote by the influential mid-century designer Charles Eames: “Innovate as a last resort. More horrors are done in the name of innovation than any other.”

Eames also lived by the credo: “Take your pleasure seriously.”

A large majority of Manchester United supporters would argue Van Gaal doesn’t take their pleasure seriously enough. At least they now know their manager has the right number to call, even if more often than not it’s engaged.

Arsenal and Man City Get Serious by Winning Ugly

Catherine Ivill - AMA/Getty Images

It is often said it is impossible to win a title if you can’t win matches when you don’t play well. If that adage is true, then both Arsenal and Manchester City have successfully negotiated the first tests of 2016 to underline their respective championship credentials.

Perhaps more than any other side over the past decade, it is Arsenal who have struggled most with the concept of winning ugly. With a manager, Arsene Wenger, who looks to elevate the way his side plays to that of an art form, beautiful losers is the moniker most readily attached to the Gunners. Miserable afternoons in January are not always when Arsenal show their strongest hand.

There was precious little of artistic merit to their 1-0 win over Newcastle United at the Emirates Stadium on Saturday. And that will have delighted the manager, players and fans alike. By Wenger’s own admission, it was a leggy shift that his players put in, a morning-after-the-night-before performance.

Laurent Koscielny will go down in the record books as the game’s match-winner; few would dispute it is Petr Cech who most deserves such an accolade.

The man who holds the record for the most Premier League clean sheets added another on Saturday courtesy of a series of fine saves, most notably from Georginio Wijnaldum either side of half-time. Used to winning prizes rather than platitudes, Cech may just provide the quiet authority that ends a 12-season wait for an Arsenal title.

It is perhaps a presumptuous judgment by the present on the past, but if sustained success is born on the back of what transpires this term, it wouldn’t be fallacious to suggest Cech could be Wenger’s greatest signing.

Breaking a cycle is of course harder than starting one afresh, and if Wenger can achieve that, he'll have Cech to thank more than most.

Class Comes to the Fore for City

Manchester City travelled to Watford winless in six Premier League away games. The last time a league victory had been toasted away from the Etihad Stadium was at Crystal Palace back on September 12. In 2015, they lost more away games than they won.

For 82 minutes on Saturday, it was easy to see why. Trailing courtesy of a Ben Watson corner that Aleksandar Kolarov headed into his own goal, City’s response had been lacklustre. Two minutes and 36 seconds later, they were leading through a pair of goals so out of keeping with what had preceded them it was like swimming into the side of a whale when diving for whelks.

First Yaya Toure managed to stifle a yawn before wrapping a giant boot around a Kolarov set piece to smash a side-footed volley beyond Heurelho Gomes. The Ivorian has now scored three times in his last four Premier League games. Opta cannot yet definitively quantify trotting, but it is thought he has managed to break out into one at least once in each of his last five games.

Then came Sergio Aguero’s goal. It was the type of moment video editors across the country will have made a mental note of as they start to visualize how they might edit the story of the season. It felt like the type of goal that, in time, will prove to be worth more than the three points it gleaned.

Bacary Sagna’s ball on the stretch from the right should be taught in seminars on how to cross a football for years to come. From there, it was all about Aguero. Both literally and metaphorically, he is probably still coming down now. Roll back the tapes, and it was Kevin Keegan rising to bury a Steve Heighway centre.

The height Aguero rose between Watford’s two centre-halves to meet the ball would cause vertigo among lesser men. His cushioned header back across goal was of such instinctive intelligence it was handed a Mensa certificate before it reached the back of Gomes’ net.

Aguero's first goal since November 21 will not, though, disguise the fact he continues to look considerably shy of his sharpest as he attempts to lay hamstring troubles to rest.

Given Manuel Pellegrini subscribes to Paul Newman’s perspective on playing away ("why mess with hamburgers when you’ve got steak at home?"), it’s worth noting Leicester City, Tottenham Hotspur, Manchester United and Arsenal all still have to travel to the Etihad Stadium in the league.

In a season when good enough will likely be good enough, the two title favourites will consider the weekend just gone to have been a gargantuan step in the right direction.

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