Predicting Jose Mourinho's Christmas Wishlist
It's been a rough week for Jose Mourinho.
After seeing his Chelsea side crash to their ninth league defeat of the season Monday evening, he was formally relieved of his duties as Chelsea manager. Now, all he has is a clear calendar and up to £10 million in compensation (as per the Daily Mail). The poor chap.
On the positive side, Mou will have enough time and energy to enjoy Christmas this year. Here are some of the gifts his friends and family might want to consider purchasing him in order lift his festive spirits.
Some Christmas DVDs
1 of 10In Christmases past, Jose would have been completely consumed by match preparation. Now, with nothing on the horizon, he can relax and catch up with a few classic films.
Home Alone is a good choice, as that's exactly what he'll be for much of his time now.
Dr. Seuss' How The Abramovich Stole Christmas might also be a contender, but Mou probably doesn't want to be reminded about doctors at the moment.
A Nice Jigsaw Puzzle
2 of 10
Nothing says Christmas quite like an afternoon spent with the family doing a jigsaw puzzle. Well, that was certainly the case before everyone had smartphones, anyway.
There are plenty of Chelsea-themed jigsaws out there to remind him of the good times.
It may even inspire him to figure out the bigger puzzle: How he managed to guide a league-winning team with bottomless resources down to 16th place in the table.
A Stamford Bridge Stadium Tour
3 of 10
You know when Londoners say they have lived in the city their whole lives, but they have never actually visited the most popular tourist destinations? The same could be true of Mou at Chelsea. He's probably never seen the TV gantry or the kitchens at Stamford Bridge—he has no idea how the proverbial sausage is made.
With the stadium tour, he could visit the stadium as a civilian and, perhaps most importantly, get some closure on his tenure.
He'll also have the opportunity to visit the Chelsea Museum, which offers extensive information on the club's history, dating all the way back to its formation in 2003.
Sir Alex Ferguson's Book 'Leading'
4 of 10
Mourinho has always looked up to Sir Alex Ferguson and reportedly burst into tears when he was denied the opportunity to succeed the legendary Scot at Old Trafford.
Perhaps Mou could benefit from a copy of his most recent book Leading, in which Ferguson reveals the secrets to world-class leadership.
The Special One could pay particular attention to the chapters entitled "Don't get your medical staff fired" and "How to take a shred of responsibility when things go wrong for your team."
Arsene Wenger Merchandise
5 of 10
Mourinho has endured an ongoing battle with his favourite "specialist in failure" throughout the years.
But now, there is no need for the rivalry with Arsene Wenger and he could benefit from showing some appreciation for the longest-serving manager in English football.
Perhaps he might like a nice Wenger bobblehead—complete with unzippable puffer jacket—to put on the desk in his home office.
Or, this extremely confusing "Arseman and Robin" poster would make a valuable addition to any wall of his home.
A Webcam
6 of 10
It's inevitable that Mourinho will end up providing some punditry for Monday Night Football during his temporary sojourn from the game, but what we really need is for Mourinho to launch his own network. We can't go too long without Mourinho giving his opinion on things. Football won't stand for it.
The growing fashion for ranty fans to express their opinions on their YouTube channels has surely paved the way for The Special One to get his own virtual voice piece.
Imagine the scenes when he gives post-match analysis of his successor's matches from his bedroom.
Somebody buy this man a webcam!
A Dog
7 of 10We all know that a dog is for life, not just for Christmas. But that doesn't mean Jose can't get a new dog for Christmas.
Mou loves his dog Gullit so much that he was arrested for obstructing police who wanted the mutt to be quarantined when arriving in the UK.
The 52-year-old clearly needs a bit of a boost at the moment and that could come from a new furry companion.
He named his last dog after a player he dearly admired, so it's about time that he did it again. Didier Dogba, anyone?
A Hug from Marco Materazzi
8 of 10We know that Jose often hates saying goodbye when he leaves a club. Hours after winning the Champions League with Inter Milan, he shared a tearful hug with Marco Materazzi as he prepared to leave Italy for the Bernabeu.
There might not be an awful lot of Chelsea players willing to give him a hug at the moment, so it would be nice if Materazzi flew into London to give him a lovely embrace and let him know everything is going to be alright.
This money-can't-buy gift might need to wait a few days, though, as Materazzi's Chennaiyin FC are in the Indian Super League Final this Sunday.
A Superyacht
9 of 10
Mourinho was paid £13.2 million per year in a contract that ran up to 2019, but the Daily Mail reports that the club will only need to pay him a maximum of £10 million in compensation.
Sounds like Roman Abramovich is getting off easy! Surely the Russian oligarch has it within his heart—and his means—to give the departed manager a nice superyacht? After all, Abramovich did give Mou a Ferrari the last time he was sacked.
Then again, Mourinho has already sunk one ship this season, so it might be best not to give him another.
A New Job
10 of 10
As a very rich man, Mourinho ultimately can't have much desire for material goods. Surely what he really wants is to get back on the horse: to win some more trophies and leave a club in disgrace after two seasons of success.
According to Oddschecker, the most likely next destination for Mourinho is Manchester United.
Therefore, the greatest gift he could receive this festive season is for Louis Van Gaal to continue to offer utterly uninspiring football at the Theatre of Dreams in order to create a managerial opening.
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