The Halloween XI: The Scariest Footballers Going Around

When football and Halloween were so elegantly blended together by BT Sport’s promo for Chelsea’s forthcoming home match against Liverpool, we thought it would be irresponsible not to compile an appropriately themed XI.

While the thought of stopping the likes of Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo can result in sleepless nights for even the world's best defenders, we’ve decided to select a unit that would produce a spectacle more like a horror film than football game.

We imagine it to be like Nike's "Match in Hell," if not slightly scarier.

We’ve taken a look at some of the scariest footballers around to put together a Halloween-themed starting XI that would evoke nightmares.

Goalkeeper

You might not have seen this one coming.

While the likes of Manuel Neuer and David De Gea are terrifying opponents for other reasons, we’ve selected little-known Fatau Dauda of Ashanti Gold SC purely because of the excellent scary face he pulled celebrating Ghana’s second goal against Cape Verde in the 2013 Africa Cup of Nations.

Defenders

We've selected a back four of Pepe, Mamadou Sakho, Nemanja Vidic and Ryan Shawcross.

Stoke City's Shawcross makes the cut thanks to his horrendous track record of inflicting pain on others. Injuries suffered in the heat of battle as a result of Shawcross by Francis Jeffers, Emmanuel Adebayor and, most memorably, Aaron Ramsey indicate the Englishman certainly has a liking for gore.

"No-nonsense" is how you might kindly describe Pepe. Others might term the Portugal international truly and terrifyingly tough. The Real Madrid defender once served a 10-match ban for comprehensively losing his head after conceding a penalty against Getafe and is one of the most feared players in La Liga.

Joining them at the back is Liverpool centre-back Sakho, whose wide-eyed stare went viral in early October and who was pictured at Wednesday's League Cup tie against Bournemouth alongside a notorious convicted criminal Stephen French, alias the Devil.

And making up the four is Internazionale's Nemanja Vidic, whose defending at Manchester United was so ruthless, the Old Trafford faithful made a song about the Serbian that featured the line "he'll f--king murder you." Charming.

Midfielders

Matthias Schrader/Associated Press

We've selected a three-man midfield made up of Franck Ribery, Lee Cattermole and Joey Barton.

Barton's ascent to becoming one of English football's most controversial characters began during his time with Manchester City in 2004, when he received his first red card in February that year in a game against Tottenham Hotspur.

He stubbed out a cigar in a youth player's eye, broke the leg of a pedestrian while driving around Liverpool at 2 a.m. in May 2005, was sentenced to six months in prison for assault and was banned for punching Morten Gamst Pedersen, per the Guardian's "roll of dishonour" for the player.

Cattermole has a reputation for ill-timed challenges and has the nickname Clattermole, as well as the disciplinary record, to prove it.

And Bayern Munich winger Ribery, along with being one of the most talented players on the continent, takes pride in the facial scars he suffered after surviving a car accident as an infant.

Attackers

Barcelona and Uruguay star Luis Suarez's plays the role of a vampire in the team because of his well-documented indiscretions involving Otman Bakkal, Branislav Ivanovic and Giorgio Chiellini.

He's joined up front by Diego Costa, the Chelsea star whose fits of rage have seen him replace Suarez as the Premier League's most controversial figure.

And making up the strike force is Carlos Tevez, who, like Ribery, wears with pride the facial scars from third-degree burns he received as a child. 

Daunting.

Coaching Staff

Associated Press

Two polarising managers deservedly take their seats on the bench.

Paolo Di Canio scared the daylights out of his side at Sunderland, with striker Steven Fletcher admitting to the Observer (h/t the Guardian) the former West Ham United man didn't want his players smiling or laughing in training.

And he's assisted by former Manchester United hard man Roy Keane, whose exploits have included horror tackles, on-field scuffles and, more recently, a tough stance on paternal leave.

We worry there might be some friction between the two coaches, however.

Referee

Ivan Sekretarev/Associated Press

Who would referee the clash?

As much as we'd love to see Pierluigi Collina, or gun-wielding Gabriel Murta, we've opted instead for an official who's best placed to make the most out of our selection.

Damian Rubino set a record when he brandished 36 red cards in one match, though he might need to be a touch more lenient if he's to keep our match from boiling over.