B/R 5th Down: Cardale Jones Taking over Social Media, the Biggest Hit Ever

Editor's Note: The Fifth Down captures the top social college football stories of the week. Because the long, grueling offseason is underway, we'll focus on things that make us laugh, think or maybe cry, but mostly laugh.

1. Cardale Jones vs. Joakim Noah: Who Ya Got?

If you had to pick between Ohio State quarterback Cardale Jones and Chicago Bulls center Joakim Noah in a boxing match, who would you go with? Why, you ask? Oh, no reason, it's just that Jones is apparently ready to throw down. 

Here's the backstory, courtesy of Tom Ley at Deadspin: 

"

During a break in last night’s playoff game between the Cavs and Bulls, Ohio State quarterback Cardale Jones and other players from the national champion Buckeyes were introduced and cheered on the court. Of course, this harmless event led to Jones getting into a beef with Bulls center Joakim Noah, because if there’s one thing Noah loves, it’s beefing with athletes from Ohio.

"

That reportedly led to Noah doing the most SEC thing possible besides actually chanting "S-E-C!":  

That, in turn, inspired Jones to tell Noah on Twitter to watch himself: 

For what it's worth, Noah has denied saying anything to Jones. Or knowing that he exists:

Still, we here at B/R love a good Photoshop, so here are Jones' and Noah's measurables for a boxing match that will surely never happen: 

Come to think of it, more athletes should solve Twitter beefs in the ring. Sure, there's the whole injury thing, but that's a cash cow waiting to happen.  

Anyway, we're taking bets* on who'd win: Jones or Noah? 

(*No we're not. Don't bet. Ever.)

2. R.I.P. This High School Running Back 

As if you needed any more evidence that Florida State head coach Jimbo Fisher can recruit, we present to you Panama City defensive end Janarius Robinson. A 4-star prospect according to 247Sports, Robinson is verbally committed to the Seminoles' Class of 2016. 

And he is a bad, bad man (in a terrifyingly good kind of way). 

Here's a video of Robinson absolutely destroying some poor running back and my goodness is a teenager's life not sacred anymore?  

Sometimes, life and genetics just aren't fair.  

(h/t Tomahawk Nation’s Bud Elliott)

3. Former Auburn Tight End Rides a Horse (SPOILER: It Ends Poorly) 

Horses are majestic creatures. They're also frightened easily and will kick you. For these reasons, horses should not be trusted, but that's a conversation for another day. 

Auburn's equestrian horses are probably fine, but they require skilled riders. That's definitely not former Tiger and current Cincinnati Bengal tight end C.J. Uzomah. In the fourth installment of "Auburn Sports Collide," Uzomah gives horse riding the ol' college try. It doesn't end well: 

If there's a lesson to be learned here, it's that football players aren't warriors. Seriously, warriors used to ride horses, and they didn't fall off. 

4) Ezekiel Elliott Throws Out First Pitch at Cardinals Game (SPOILER: It Ends Well) 

The defending national champion Ohio State Buckeyes are having quite the offseason (see: pretty much everything written above. And the week before. And the week before. And the—).

As part of that, Buckeyes running back and St. Louis native Ezekiel Elliott threw out the first pitch during a Cardinals baseball game. He throws a nice strike, as you can see in the video below:

Not to be outdone, Cardale Jones used Elliott's first pitch to leverage the Cleveland Indians into doing the same for him: 

However, here's the pertinent question: What's a guy gotta do 'round here to get that job running in circles around Elliott holding a camera? Also, who is that guy? Because that's some impressive footwork. And he's actually kind of fast, too. Seriously, watch him. He doesn't lose balance or anything. In fact, if you were to view him from above, here's guessing he was running in a perfect circle. Wonder what the circumference was of that circle. Is that the one that measures from one end of the circle to the other, or is that diameter? Wait...what's radius, then? Man, I should have paid attention in geometry and stopped playing on my TI-83 so much.

Oh well, the Pythagorean theorem was crap. 

5. [EVENT]: W H _ _ L   _ F    F _ _  T _ N _    _ T    W _ S H _ N _ T _ N   F _ _ T _ _ L L 

If you guessed "Wheel of Fortunate at Washington Football," congratulations: You've won a one-week trip to the Bahamas and a new ironing board.* 

(*Not redeemable with B/R, or anyone.) 

"Wheel of Fortune" host and sidekick Pat Sajak and Vanna White stopped by Husky Stadium this week while filming the upcoming season of the popular game show. 

So, you know, if you're a fan and in the area, try to get on it. Or something. 

6. Check Out Pharaoh Brown's Recovery Video

The Pac-12 released an awesome video this week profiling Oregon tight end Pharaoh Brown, who is recovering from one of the nastiest, most awful leg injuries we've seen in a good, long while. The internal damage was so bad, apparently, that amputation was a possibility.  

However, Brown's recovery has been nothing short of a miracle. He's ahead of schedule in his rehab and is on track to return to the field. Watch the video below and be absolutely inspired:

Here's hoping Brown can get back on the field sooner rather than later. But more than anything, we're amazed Brown's recovery has gone so well. 

7. Finally, Your LOLWUT??? Quote of the Week

College football would be far less interesting if Washington State head coach Mike Leach wasn't in it. Thankfully he's blessed us with his X's and O's acumen, because he can be gold behind a microphone. 

Here's Leach on the recovery of former Cougars quarterback Connor Halliday, who sustained a brutal season-ending leg injury in 2014:

Never change, Leach.

Ben Kercheval is a lead writer for college football. He's currently beefing with Cardale Jones on Twitter @BenKercheval.