B/R 5th Down: Nick Saban's Acting and Top CFB Social Stories of the Week

Editor's Note: The Fifth Down captures the top social college football stories of the week. Because the long, grueling offseason is underway, we'll focus on things that make us laugh, think or maybe cry, but mostly laugh. 

1. Let's Critique Nick Saban's Acting, Shall We?

As someone who did theatre back in high school—you can tell how serious I was about it, too, because I spelled it "theatre" and not "theater"—I feel I'm more than qualified to critique a coach's acting chops. 

So congratulations to Alabama Crimson Tide head coach Nick Saban, who is the first subject of 5th Down's "Film Review." Let's take a look at Saban's latest work, a Mercedes commercial with some good-not-great CGI:  

1. Delivery: Thumbs Up

I was particularly sold on the "Wooooo!" Saban gets a little flat after that, but good job with the strong start. 

2. Believability: Thumbs Down

Saban is a spokesperson, I get it. But I didn't feel the rush of being a daredevil Mercedes owner. 

3. Hair: Two Thumbs Way, Way Up

It's...it's perfect. Five stars, et cetera, et cetera. 

Overall, we'll give this commercial a solid B. Say this, though: Saban's acting chops have improved dramatically since his Ford F150 days.  

2. Dakota State Trojans' 'Dizzy Punt' Video is the Funniest Thing You'll Watch This Week

Earlier this month in an interview with B/R, four college football coaches talked about what they really look at during spring practices. One of the most important things for them was keeping things fun. Spring drills are tough, after all, and it's critical that players know it's still a game.

Dakota State has taken that advice to heart with its "Dizzy Punt" video. It works like this: Two coaches—Trojans head coach Josh Anderson and defensive coach Cory Miller were the victims—spun around a golf club 12 times before attempting to punt a football. 

The results were amazing and can be viewed in the video below. 

There's not much else to add. Watch the video and enjoy. However, the slow motion is a nice touch for added laughs. 

3. Ohio State Buckeyes Visit the White House; Hilarity Ensues 

President Barack Obama has been a busy man this week in the world of sports, hosting the Super Bowl champ New England Patriots and College Football Playoff champs Ohio State. (As a side note, Obama has jokes about deflated balls, y'all.) 

The Buckeyes' trip to the White House was anything but serious business, though.

Then, Obama recognized defensive end Joey Bosa by doing his signature shrug ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. 

We have no rooting interests here, but it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if the Buckeyes won another national championship if only so that Obama could do the shrug again.   

4. American Hero: Kid Yells 'Roll Tide' at a Wedding

Weddings are a beautiful beginning to a lifetime of happiness. They also are the perfect opportunity to express how you really feel about something or someone. In the world of sports, no other phrase perfectly captures every situation quite like "Roll Tide!" as this 5-year-old shows:  

An email to Barstool Sports provided the context: 

"

I was at my girlfriends cousins wedding this weekend and they are all huge Alabama fans. As soon as they announced you may kiss the bride her 5 year old cousin screamed out “Roll Tide!!!”

"

This kid is an American hero. This is well understood. That said, yelling "Roll Tide" isn't quite as vogue as it used to be, say, a couple of years ago. These days, it's all about #govowels, as demonstrated by this satisfied 5th Down reader: 

Roll Tide and Go Vowels, y'all. 

5. I Know What Steve Spurrier Did Last Summer

South Carolina Gamecocks head coach Steve Spurrier is a favorite 'round these here parts, and we're not afraid to admit it. He's the gift of gab that keeps on giving. In this industry, all anyone really wants is a coach or player who's interesting. 

Even in the movies, this holds true. Thanks to the fine folks at Reddit CFB, we are now aware that Spurrier was the subject of a filler newspaper article from the 1997 slasher movie "I Know What You Did Last Summer." 

A bigger picture of the text clip can be found here, but below is the transcribed version: 

"

Tennessee's football team fell short of its lofty goals in 1996, but it didn't help that Florida coach Steve Spurrier passed around a Gator fans list of the Vols failures.

"Steve Spurrier is Steve Spurrier" said Tennessee receiver Marcus Nash as the Vols continue spring drills in preparation for the 1997 season.

"Personally, I admire Florida for what they have accomplished in their system. Steve Spurrier is a great coach, he's just a jerk."

"

Even when running from a hooded serial killer with a fishing hook, there's nothing quite as frightening as knowing you're on Spurrier's troll radar. 

6. Your Lesson of the Day: Call Jim Harbaugh Back ASAP

Michigan Wolverines head coach Jim Harbaugh is a determined man. That's not a surprise. However, in an appearance on HBO's Real Sports, Harbaugh showed just how, um, persistent he is in every aspect of life. 

In the clip below, Harbaugh explains he called his future wife nine times after he first met her before she called him back. 

In other words, do not—do not—leave Harbaugh hanging. He will call you again and again until you get back to him. Just answer the first time and avoid the whole thing. This is especially true if you work in food delivery or car repair. I mean, that sesame chicken better have been on its way 10 minutes ago. 

On that note, if you're looking for more clips of Harbaugh's interview, the folks at Deadspin have you covered.  

7. If You Challenge Cardale Jones to NCAA Football, You Best Be Ready 

In case you missed it, B/R colleague Adam Kramer wrote last week about Ohio State quarterback Cardale Jones and his relationship with Jared Foley, a 16-year-old boy born with hypoplastic left heart syndrome. Their favorite pastime? Playing NCAA Football, with Jones relentlessly beating Foley 98-35. 

We're biased, but we think it's the best thing you'll read in a long time. So here's the link again. And again. Take 10 minutes to be amazed about the good people can do. 

Anyway, Foley apparently felt the last game was a fluke and challenged Jones to a rematch on Twitter: 

Surely, Jones will oblige. All we can say is we hope Foley's been practicing. If you come at the best, you better be ready to beat the best. 

8. The Subway Sandwich Monster is Back and Oh My God, It's Morphed into Marcus Mariota

For the past few years, Subway restaurants have done a brilliant job of creeping out pretty much everyone with their sandwich sculpture (or something) of pro athletes. A few years ago, Robert Griffin III was the inspiration, if you will, for the food art. This time around it's former Oregon Ducks quarterback Marcus Mariota and—gahhhhhhh, sweet mother of Joseph!

Nope. Nope nope nope nope. [Closes computer window.] [Tosses computer out the window.] 

Look, if Subway doesn't stop, other restaurants are going to start picking up on this terrifying practice. And we all know where that will lead. 

9. PALATE CLEANSER: Blind USC Trojans Fan Will Join Team as a Walk-On

As you may remember, ESPN's College GameDay ran a beautiful profile on USC fan Jake Olson in 2013. Olson, who is blind, has overcome his disability to play high school football as a long snapper. Before losing his sight completely, Olson was invited to hang out with the USC program by then-head coach Pete Carroll. 

Now, he's joining the USC program as a walk-on. Gary Klein of the Los Angeles Times had the story: 

"

Steve Sarkisian, USC's football coach, wouldn't be surprised if a movie were made about Olson's journey.

Contributing to an extra point or field goal for the Trojans could be part of the story.

"Someday, he's going to snap in a game for us," Sarkisian said. "When? I don't know. But it will happen.

"When that day comes, it will be awesome."

"

Here's to hoping we get to see Olson realize his dream on the field at some point down the road. 

10. Eric LeGrand Tweets Out Another Rehab Video and Now, it's Dusty in Here

It's been a long, long time since we've heard about former Rutgers Scarlet Knights player Eric LeGrand. LeGrand, as you'll recall, was paralyzed from the neck down during a special teams play against Army in 2010. Ever since, he's been rehabbing relentlessly and providing updates on his progress.

His latest report, a 30-second video, shows him working his back muscles in his wheelchair. 

A miraculous sight, to be sure. Well done, Eric. Keep it up, and everyone is still pulling for you. 

11. Pictures: Michigan State Spartans Have Shiny New Threads

The alternate uniform craze has made its way to Michigan State this week, and the Spartans revealed some slick new threads and helmet design. Some pictures can be seen below, courtesy of Nike: 

Nike

Nike

Nike

It's tough to mess up the green and white combination, but the gold accents have always been a nice touch. 

Ben Kercheval is a lead writer for college football. You can follow him on Twitter @BenKercheval.