Rap of the Titans: Rossoneri Vs. Gooner, Rocky G Vs. Awesome Eldin™

A few days ago Rocky Getters wrote a rap article about his favorite Football team AC Milan, and it was such a big hit, that Rocky kept rubbing it in my face saying " See fool! I am da king of rap, but you ain't nuttin' ya sissie white boy, white boys can't rap fo real!".

So to prove to Rocky and the world that white men can rap, I challenged him in a one-on-one rap of the titans.

I am now on a mission to defend the honor of all the white men out there, to every white boy that ever got laughed at, this one's for you.

*In a cool™ and low voice* "It's GO TIME."

Quick Note: Yes, Rocky knows I wrote this article about him, in fact, he wrote one of the 3 raps in his part of the article, and he made it bad intentionally because I asked him to.

I sent Rocky the challenge, and I even gave him the chance to decide where to meet.

I'm currently blind-folded in a plane and have no clue where we're going, but I'm prepared to rap even in the bowls of Hell, nothing can stop me now, nothing can get in my way.

I'm prepared to rap in Hell, and there's nothing worse than that (Or at-least I thought). We've finally landed, I'm entering an un- believably loud and noisy arena, where could I possibly be? Someone is taking off my blind-fold and I finally get a chance to see my whereabouts.

!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL???

I knew it! He wasn't gonna go easy on me, I'm stuck in Italy, inside the San Siro stadium, and it is full, 85,700 seats, and not one of them is wearing an Arsenal shirt. The entire stadium is filled from top to bottom with Rossoneris.

Awesome Eldin™: Ohhhhh Boy.

On the left are the judges, Simon Cowell from American Idol and he's currently busy criticising the air for being invisible, and next to him is B/R Legend Leroy Watson.

To be completely honest, I have no clue which one of them is scarier, I'm too scared to look them directly in the eyes.

On the right, to my surprise are the commentators Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler from the WWE.

Awesome Eldin™: Err, why aren't the commentators people who know about football, like Andy Gray and Martin Tyler?

Leroy speaks in a horrifying echoing voice.

Leroy Watson: SILENCE! I'M THE JUDGE AND MY DECISIONS WILL NOT BE QUESTIONED.

Simon: You and Arsenal are losers, D-.

Awesome Eldin™: Shut up you gay douche bag.

Simon: For the last time, I'm not gay, I'm BRITISH.

Suddenly the lights are out, and then enters Rocky and he...he has his own theme song!?!

"You can't touch this, da nana na, da na, da na you can't touch this"

Awesome™: Hey, not fair, I want a theme song.

Rocky: I knew you'd say that, here you go.

" I'm a barbie girl in my barbie world".

Awesome™: Hmph, jerk.

Finally, we're about to start.

JR: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO WRESTLMANIAAAAAAAA.

King: Err, this isn't Wrestleamania JR.

JR: I KNOW, I JUST LIKE TO SAY, WRESTLEMANIAAAAAAAAAA.

King: Oh, okay.

Leroy starts explaining the rules.

Leroy: The rules are simple, the two contestants will take turns, and in the end Rocky will win, err... I mean, the one who raps best will win.

Awesome™: Ohhh dear.

Simon: Considering I don't like the stupid white kid, Rocky, you will go first.

Rocky finally starts.

I'm Rocky G and I don't care if I don't rhyme                                                    We're at the San Siro and all the crowd are on my side                                           I don't know what to say next but anyways I'll try                                             Wenger's real nutty but Leo is real fly

Go Rossoneri, Go Rossoneri

JR: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD! THE CROWD ARE ON THEIR FEET, THEY JUST CAN'T RESIST THE AUDACIOUSLY AUDACIOUS ROCKY G.

Rossoneri fans: ROCKY G, ROCKY G, ROCKY G.

Awesome™: *Gulp*

Leroy and Simon: Round One for Rocky.

Awesome™:  What? I haven't even started yet.

Leroy and Simon: Oh alright, make it quick.

Awesome™'s turn:

Yo, Rocky G this you should be realizing
Awesome MEM™ is a white guy who's currently capitalizing
On this "Rap is crap" trend that is currently rising
And all these Awesome™ lines you should be MEM™ memorizing.

Go Gunners, Go Gunners, Yo, Yo, Go Gunners.

Rossoneri fans: BOOOOOOOO, YOU SUCK, BOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

King: The crowd are making themselves heard, nobody likes a word the Awesome™ one is saying.

Leroy: Round One for Rocky

Awesome™: Err, shouldn't we hear Simon's opinion as well.

Simon: Round One for Rocky.

Awesome™: *Sigh*

JR: IT IS NOW 1-0 FOR THE AUDACIOUS ONE, ROCKY G, WE ARE NOW ENTERING ROUND TWO.

Rocky:

Not so Awesome MEM™ all you Gooners are Sissies
With your sissie Russian boy and your sissie Tom "Rosissie"
And let's not forget that Dutch Robin van "Sissie"
And those weird French guys who dress like it's 1960

Rossoneri fans: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, HAVE MY BABIES ROCKY G, WOOOOOOOOO.

JR: THE CROWD ARE GOING WILD, THE MEN AND WOMEN JUST CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF ROCKY G.

King: That's Rocky G for ya, they don't call him the audacious one for nothing.

Awesome™'s turn:

HA! I remember seeing a match in the not so distant past.
The last time we played those sissies kicked your @$$
In your own back yard by our captain Fabregas
Sorry Rocky G, but Diavolo ain't got no class.

Rossoneri fans: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

JR: OH MY GOD KING, THE CROWD HAVE GONE MAD, THEY'RE THROWING EVERYTHING AT THE AWESOME™ ONE, CHAIRS, KNIVES, GRENADES, MOLOTOV COCKTAILS.

King: They're throwing everything but the kitchen sink.... oh wait, WATCH OUT!!

*DOONNNNNNNNG*

JR: AHAHAHAHA, THAT WAS HILARIOUS

Awesome™: AAWWWWW my head.

Simon: Round Two for Rocky.

Awesome™: O Come on! I just gave him the perfect reply, besides, he just kept saying sissies over and over.

Leroy: SILENCE, I The MIGHTY Leroy has made his decision, and my decisions are beyond discussion.

Awesome™: Grrr, Anata ni heya wo souji suru ikemasu.

Leroy: SILENCE, if anyone is going to clean my room for me it's gonna be YOU.

Awesome™: !!!!!! You.. you know Japanese?

Leroy: I KNOW EVERYTHING.

Awesome™: Oh yeah! Well, what am I thinking of right now?

Leroy: HAH! Snapple juice, banana flavor.

Awesome™: !!!!!! WOOOOOOOW

Simon: Leroy! I'm impressed, you devil you.

JR: NOW THAT IS TALENT IF I'VE EVER SEEN ONE, LEROY WATSON IS, IN MY OPINION THE MOST TALENTED WRITER IN EXISTENCE.

King: You know Leroy JR, Men want to be him, Women want to be with him.

JR: OH MY GOD, ROCKY G IS BEATING THE AWESOME™ ONE, HE'S BEATING HIM LIKE A GOVERNMENT MULE.

King: Why are you always shouting JR?

JR: BECAUSE IT MAKES THINGS SOUND MORE INTENSE, WHY DON'T YOU TRY IT KING?

King: Err, okay, I LOVE STACEY KEIBLER.

JR: WHAAAAAAAAT?????

King: Err, I meant........ VISIT JR'S BARBEQUE WEBSITE FOR SOME AMAZING BBQ SAUCE.

JR; GOOOOOD, THAT'S MUCH BETTER.

JR: IT IS NOW THE FINAL ROUND, AND IT IS WORTH 2 POINTS, THIS IS THE AWESOME'S LAST CHANCE TO GET BACK IN IT, IT IS SIMPLY KILL OR BE KILLED.

*Awesome™ talking to himself*: This is it, my last chance, it's now or never, I'm not gonna disappoint this time.

Rocky's turn:

Yo, Awesome MEM™ will you read between the lines
You never won the Champions League while we won it 7 times
We are the best and you know it ain't a crime
But sadly loser MEM™, your team ain't half as good as mine.

*Awesome™ to himself* : This is it, Master Shifu tought me to trust my inner warrior.

*In a cool™, calm and collected voice* "It's go time".

Awesome™'s turn:

Yo, Rocky G will you stop living in the past
Your entire team is slow but my entire team is fast
Your entire squad is old and they fart dust out of their @$$
And like I said before your Diavolo ain't got no class.

Rossoneri fans: .......................................................................

JR: ..................... THE ENTIRE STADIUM HAS GONE SILENT, I BELIEVE THIS IS THE SILENCE BEFORE THE STORM KING.

Leroy starts to shed a tear, FINALLY, this is it, I'm gonna level things with Rocky, I knew it, white men can rap, white men can............

Leroy: SILENCE. You are penalized for your lack of respect to the opponent, you will have a point deducted from you.

Awesome™: !?! What point? I don't have a point.

Leroy: In that case, you officially have -1 points

Awesome™: What ???

JR: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE WINNER TODAY IS NONE OTHER THAN ROCKY G, THE AUDACIOUS ONE HAS RIPPED AWESOME™ APART.......... OH MY GOD KING!!!
THE FANS ARE GOING MAD, THEY'RE THROWING EVERYTHING AT THE AWESOME ONE™

Awesome™: Aw, aw, not cool™, not cool™

One of the fans takes out a sniper rifle and shoots Awesome™.

*BAAAAANNNGG*

JR: OH MY GOD, AWESOME™ JUST GOT SHOT IN THE HEAD KING, HE'S DEAD, NOW SURELY HE'S GONNA GO TO HELL.

King: You don't think maybe he might go to Heaven?

JR and King: ............ AHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Leroy: Ladies and Gentlemen, here's your winner, the audacious one Rocky Geeeeeeeee.

Final score:  Rocky G 4 points
                 Awesome Eldin™  -1 point.

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This article is intended to be a humorous one, if you've enjoyed it then I'm glad I was able to able to put a smile on your face, if you were offended, then please go get a life.

Note: Eldin, Awesome Eldin and Awesome are all trademarks of Mohamed Eldin Masri, and Cool and Cool D belong to Deepak Israni, any illegal use of these words will result in a law suit followed by endless punching in the nuts.

You have been warned.