Of course you can't because it is nonsense—yep it is April Fools' Day, and the footballing world seems to be having great fun trying to catch people out.
The Rooney story is the Daily Star's effort, but they are far from the only ones having fun.
The Premier League will break extraordinary new ground this weekend when fans are taken inside the dressing room ahead of Arsenal vs Liverpool.
In a first for top-flight football, both pre-match teamtalks by the captains will be streamed live to the world from the Emirates on Saturday.
Only the captain will speak with the rest of the players and the manager vowing to stay silent.
To be fair to the Daily Mail, that almost seemed plausible although the Percival Scope byline was a bit of a giveaway.
Less believable stuff comes from the Mirror, who expect us to believe that that "selfie hotspots" had been approved for players in the Capital One Cup:
Football League bosses have approved the idea where players will be allowed to take images by the corner flags - but some managers aren't happy
Players will be shown the yellow card for photobombing opponents' goal celebrations in a controversial experiment at Capital One Cup ties next season.
Football League bosses have approved a controversial gimmick where players will be allowed to take selfies in designated hotspots by the corner flags as part of their goal celebrations.
The Mirror double up with the suggestion that the makers of Football Manager are motion-capturing manager gestures for the 2016 version of the game. Another nice byline here: Kit Mann.
The guys at Purely Football, meanwhile, have brought the devastating news that Gunnersaurus is set to leave Arsenal and move to Turkish club Bursaspor. Say it isn't so!
Sticking with the Gunners, the guys at Arsenal and Puma have teamed up to bring us the "left-footed football." A ball that is particularly suited to left-footed players.
Nice use of star power, but again, fooling nobody.
Manchester City also got in on the act as they sent their kit man in disguise to play the role of "world's worst referee" when the Manchester City Supporters Football Club were invited for a match against club employees.
The top of the Sun's back page teases an "amazing secret" about Louis van Gaal's team selection.
Inside it is claimed he picks players based on their star signs, another fool, although former France manager Raymond Domenech was famously suspicious of Scorpios.
The Daily Telegraph want us to believe this nonsense.
In conclusion, there are a lot of people out there trying to trick you, so be careful.
And if you see anything else we missed, then leave it in the comments below.
Update: 12:01 p.m.
Tradition dictates that you are no longer allowed to fool anybody after noon.
Some other attempts that came to light:
- Ex-One Direction star Zayn Malik joins Arsenal on trial (Goal.com)
- Liverpool's Emre Can has discovered that he is related to actor Jackie Chan. (Turkish-Football.com)
- Usain Bolt signs for Manchester United (Metro)
- Lionel Messi joins Chelsea (@OulalaGames)
- Emile Heskey to rejoin Liverpool (@bbc606)
Now can we please get on with our normal lives of making up transfer rumours and gossiping about the future of the game please?