Bleacher Report's 2015 World Football Oscars
Put on your best tux, head down the red carpet and prepare your best selfie face, because it's Oscars time again!
As we get ready for the 87th Academy Awards, we thought it was about time to hand out our own world football Oscars.
With the seats filled, your after-party venue sorted and a statue of Chelsea's talented Brazilian midfielder available to all of our winners, let's get started!
Best Actor (Diver in Other Words)
1 of 17Adryan
Step forward Leeds United’s Adryan.
Or rather step forward, fall to the floor, dramatically attempt to get back up and then fall to the floor again.
This spectacular effort occurred in a Championship match against Derby County earlier this season, and in the absence of any Oscars for his acting skills, we thought we’d give the 20-year-old the acclaim he deserves.
A wonderful performance.
Best Performance in a Supporting Role
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Cesc Fabregas In Chelsea’s Premier League Title Challenge
Cesc Fabregas has 15 assists in the Premier League this season, according to ESPN, an incredible statistic when you consider that last season’s assist king, Steven Gerrard, picked up 13 in the whole campaign, and 2012/13’s top man, Juan Mata, had 12.
Fabregas has played a remarkable supporting role as the Blues have looked to reclaim the league title under Jose Mourinho, so he takes our award for the best supporting actor for what has been a stellar return to English football.
Don’t pass it to anyone else, Cesc.
Best Director (of Football)
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Txiki Begiristain
The director of football model is still widely mistrusted in British football, with names such as Damien Comolli and Franco Baldini often thrown in by those who speak out against it.
At Manchester City, though, the approach is quietly working, with former Barcelona DOF Txiki Begiristain becoming the most important man behind the scenes at the English champions.
Begiristain is a smooth operator in the transfer market and has helped City become a force that can overpower rivals when it comes to buying players.
His vision is to make this last for years and ensure City become a blockbuster on the European stage and not just big money flops.
Best Original Score
4 of 17Robin van Persie vs. Spain
The award for best original score goes to the Netherlands’ Robin van Persie for his goal against Spain at the World Cup, as you have quite simply never seen a goal like it.
Van Persie’s future Manchester United team-mate Daley Blind played a pinpoint pass over the top of the Spain defence, but even he couldn’t have imagined what Van Persie was going to do with it.
The forward’s brilliant header looped over Iker Casillas and into the annals of World Cup history.
Best Costume Design
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Roma Away Kit
It’s very modern, but there’s also something incredibly classic about the current Roma away kit, which makes it stand out from the crowd.
The alternative to their traditional deep red, the white kit with vivid diagonal stripe really is a special sight to behold, and the designers really deserve a pat on the back for such a striking effort.
*Applause*
Best Original Song
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Alex Song
He's been a terrific and powerful presence in the centre of midfield ever since moving to West Ham United on loan from Barcelona, so Cameroon’s Alex Song takes our Best Original Song award.
To be fair, he hasn’t had much competition since Rigobert retired.
Best Make-Up and Hairstyling
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Neymar at the World Cup
This is the one they all wanted, and it’s been claimed by Brazil icon Neymar for his look during a World Cup in which he didn’t really need blonde highlights to capture people’s attention.
The dazzling Barcelona man carried his nation’s hopes in his feet during the summer, but on his head, he decided to stand out from the crowd and have something of a boy-band-member look about him.
It didn’t help, though, and after cracking a bone in his back in the quarter-finals, his tournament was over, with Brazil’s ending soon after.
Best Visual Effects
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Zlatan Ibrahimovic
We’re all for effecting a bit of social change at these awards (please give kindly on your way out), and even though it did give his ego another boost, we’re going to recognise Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s recent attempts at raising awareness of world hunger here.
The Swedish superstar had the names of 50 people affected by famine temporarily tattooed on his body ahead of Paris Saint-Germain’s recent match against Caen.
He scored and removed his shirt to show the names, immediately collecting a yellow card for his troubles.
We’ll give you something nicer, Zlatan.
Best Team
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Germany's World Cup Winners
We’re lucky enough that these Oscars cover a period in which we saw one of the greatest World Cups in living memory, with Germany emerging from the pack to take home their fourth world crown.
The scale and gravitas of that achievement—not to mention the production values involved—won the Germans votes ahead of smaller, more independent efforts, with the whole world watching when Mario Gotze’s winning goal secured glory against Argentina in the Maracana in Rio.
Talk about your Hollywood endings.
Best Match
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Brazil 1 Germany 7: July 8, 2014
There were closer matches. There were matches that featured better goals. There were also matches that, well, were more of a “match” than this one-sided contest. But for sheer sporting drama and spectacle, it was impossible to top Brazil 1 Germany 7 in the World Cup semi-final.
This was the football match that had non-football fans on the edge of their seats around the globe, as the staggering burst of five German goals in 18 first-half minutes left a nation stunned and in mourning for their hopes of winning a tournament they saw as their birthright.
The shock waves of this result still reverberate to this day. Had it been produced as a cinematic work of fiction, it would probably be rejected as not believable enough.
Best Manager
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Diego Simeone
Joachim Low was terrific in guiding Germany to World Cup glory, but a couple of disappointing results since have blotted his copybook somewhat, and seeing that he’s already cleaned up during awards season, we thought we should award this Oscar to a man whose achievements have gone somewhat overlooked.
With Atletico Madrid representing something of a small independent film in comparison to the high-grossing blockbusters that are Barcelona and Real Madrid, Diego Simeone took them to their first Liga championship in 18 years in 2014, and he was just a couple of minutes away from adding an unlikely Champions League title to that success.
Sometimes, the underdog stories are the best ones.
Best Captain
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Philipp Lahm
Being a World Cup-winning captain makes you part of an exclusive club, so Philipp Lahm takes home this award for his leadership skills during what was a golden summer for Germany.
In fact, the World Cup was so good for Lahm he immediately retired from international football, bringing to an end a 113-cap Germany career that featured a whole lot of good memories.
Lifetime achievement award, anyone?
Best Goal
13 of 17James Rodriguez vs. Uruguay
The winner of FIFA’s Puskas Award for the best goal of the year is also the somewhat predictable winner of our Oscar, with James Rodriguez’s campaign helped by the fact that Puskas runner-up Stephanie Roche scored her stunning strike in October 2013.
For James, it was one of the moments that lit up the World Cup and took him a step closer to Golden Boot glory.
The Colombian star's stunning strike was a work of art—and he only had one take to shoot it too.
Best Goalkeeper
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Manuel Neuer
Onto one of our more one-sided categories now, and the award for the best goalkeeper goes to... Manuel Neuer!
In truth, there wasn’t much need for the other nominees to turn up for this one, with the Bayern Munich and Germany stopper taking the honours for a stellar year that has seen him win the World Cup, another Bundesliga title (his second) and concede just nine goals in 22 league matches so far this season.
He was on stage ready to accept the award before his name even read out.
Best Defender
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Diego Godin
Overlooked in FIFA’s Team of the Year in favour of David Luiz—an expensive action piece that tends to lose the plot—we are nonetheless going to award Atletico Madrid’s Diego Godin with the Best Defender Oscar.
The Uruguayan scored the goal that clinched Atletico the Spanish league title and was so close to doing the same in the Champions League, and he’s been the defensive linchpin of his team again this season, as they again compete in both competitions.
He’s been quietly impressing audiences for a while but really received worldwide acclaim in 2014.
Best Midfielder
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Toni Kroos
In terms of out-and-out midfielders, Toni Kroos had few equals in 2014.
In a year in which the Germany international won the World Cup and sealed a dream move to Real Madrid, Kroos was a metronomic influence in the centre of the field for both sides, both stopping opposition attacks and starting ones for his own side.
A leading man in our match of the year, Kroos’ two goals contributed to Germany’s 7-1 victory over Brazil, while he also racked up four assists at the World Cup—the joint most with Colombia’s Juan Cuadrado.
Best Striker
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Getting glammed up for an awards ceremony is likely to appeal to him, so it is only right that we reward Cristiano Ronaldo for his outstanding efforts over the past year.
The World Cup might not have gone to plan for the dazzling Portuguese superstar, but he did win the Champions League and Ballon d’Or, with goal after goal after goal shooting him toward the top of every scoring chart you wish to think of.
More honours will only be around the corner.
