Clarke Carlisle Discusses Suicide Attempt in Interview with The Sun

Former Queens Park Rangers, Burnley and Northampton Town defender Clarke Carlisle has spoken about his suicide attempt for the first time.

The 35-year-old revealed he felt he "had to die" in an interview with The Sun newspaper (h/t the Press Association, via Eurosport). This decision was the "perfect answer" to a string of mounting problems, including ITV's decision to end his contract as a pundit.

Carlisle went on a gambling and drinking binge prior to jumping in front of a lorry on the A64, near York. He was charged with being unable to provide a urine sample before the incident and admits he saw no other option than to attempt suicide, per the aforementioned report:

"

I had to die. This wasn't escaping or running away. This was the perfect answer. It made everyone happy and it ticked every box. I took two steps into the road and then jumped into the truck, like a full shoulder charge. I can remember that impact. Bang. Then lights out. I don't know how long had passed. It must have been a few minutes.

"

A tweet from The Sun provided one of the first images of Carlisle since the December incident:

The former Professional Footballers' Association chairman—a regular on Channel 4's Countdown show—suggests the six weeks spent in hospital after this event have made him assess his life more clearly.

"I ventured out of my room not as Clarke the ex-footballer, but as Clarke, a mental health patient," he said, per Eurosport. "That was the first step in my road to recovery."

Pete Norton/Getty Images

Football writer Amy Lawrence was among those to wish Carlisle a speedy recovery on Twitter:

Carlisle's wife Gemma also spoke honestly about depression on the social media website. She offered an apology to the driver who was caught up in the situation:

"

Suicide & depression is not selfish. It's a serious illness where your world & reality are warped.

— MrsC (@gemmacarlisle) February 4, 2015"

Carlisle was a powerful defender during his playing days and a natural leader throughout his career. Since retiring in 2013, his willingness to speak out on subjects including racism, politics and mental health issues highlight his desire to change the way difficult topics in sport are approached.

As noted by Eurosport, Carlisle is now attending counselling and has had his court date for the drink-driving charge adjourned. This was originally scheduled for January.