Players and Things That Deserve a FIFPro World XI Spot More Than David Luiz
With his puppy dog grin, relaxed disposition and unerring devotion to pranking his team-mates, it is very difficult to dislike David Luiz.
The Brazilian, however, nearly broke the Internet on Monday when his name was included in the FIFPro World XI. The decision to include the man whose defence conceded 10 goals in their final World Cup match was apparently enough to crash the FIFA website, too.
FIFA are not to blame for the decision as Luiz was fairly voted in by his FIFPro peers. Regardless, there are plenty of people—and things—that are more worthy of inclusion in the star-studded team. Here are 10 of them...
Diego Godin
1 of 10
Atletico Madrid enjoyed a phenomenal year in 2014, thanks in no small part to the efforts of their rock at the back, Diego Godin.
The Uruguayan was integral to Atleti's extremely impressive Liga and Champions League campaigns, leading the back line with his trademark physicality and even scoring a goal in the Champions League final.
Diego Simeone referred to him as Atleti's most important player (per the Daily Mail), which makes his lack of inclusion in the FIFPro team fairly perplexing.
A Box of Laundry Detergent
2 of 10
A box of laundry detergent may not have a £50 million resale value, but it will give you a much better chance of a clean sheet.
Jerome Boateng
3 of 10
Jerome Boateng may not have been well utilised at Manchester City, but he has developed into one of the finest centre-backs in the world at Bayern Munich.
Die Roten only conceded 23 goals on their way to winning the Bundesliga in 2014 and just four goals on the path to the DFB Pokal.
Boateng was also an integral part of Germany's World Cup-winning side. According to Bild (source in German), he won 83 per cent of his duels in the Final, rightfully calling it "the game of [his] life."
Despite this excellent year, David Luiz made the grade instead.
A Land Rover Defender
4 of 10
If you needed reliability in the toughest circumstances, would you rather trust a Land Rover Defender or a calamitous Brazilian defender?
Unlike Luiz, the Landy is taken very seriously, it's trusted all around the world and seldom lets you down.
Plus, at four metres long and more than two metres high, the off-road vehicle would have a much better chance of keeping the ball out of the net if parked in front of it.
"Parking the Land Rover," by the way, sounds like a much more "Chelsea" way of describing Jose Mourinho's tactics.
John Terry
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Despite teetering on the edge of Chelsea's maximum age criteria, John Terry remains a consistent starter in the Blues' lineup due to his terrific form.
"He's full of confidence," said Jose Mourinho in December (via ESPN). "I see my John of 2004, 05, 06. I don't see any difference."
The former England star continues to be a rock at the back, yet he escapes recognition: He was also conspicuously absent from the 2013-14 PFA Team of the Year.
Carolina Panthers Linebacker Luke Kuechly
6 of 10
Luke Kuechly may play the kind of football where only one player is actually allowed to use his feet, but his defensive qualities cannot be doubted.
The Panthers star is arguably the best linebacker in the league, who managed 153 tackles over 16 regular season games in 2014—an average of 9.6 per game.
Luiz, by comparison, only averages two tackles per game in the league with Paris Saint-Germain (as per WhoScored).
As our friends across the pond say: You do the math.
Mats Hummels
7 of 10
Mats Hummels may have had a few injuries in 2014—and his Borussia Dortmund side may currently be in dire straits—but he is undoubtedly one of the finest defenders in the game right now.
The World Cup winner was deemed good enough to make the 10-man shortlist for the tournament's Golden Ball award and he made the (rather redundant) FIFPro Reserve World XI.
But, according to the FIFPro voters, he is not in the same class as Luiz.
Harry Redknapp's Wife Sandra
8 of 10Following a 1-1 draw with Portsmouth in January 2009, then-Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp famously criticised a missed opportunity by Darren Bent. "My missus could have scored that one," he said of the late chance to take three points.
Sandra Redknapp, it would appear, is quite the accomplished player. It stands to reason that she also could have done a better job in Brazil's back line than Luiz over the summer.
Incidentally, it is likely that Sandra wore a similar haircut to Luiz in the early 1980s.
Vincent Kompany
9 of 10
What more could Vincent Kompany have done to take David Luiz's place in the World XI?
The Belgian put in an outstanding shift at the World Cup, he led Manchester City to the Premier League and a League Cup title, and he was one of the first names in the PFA Team of the Year.
Around the same time Mark Hughes described Kompany as one of City's best-ever signings, Frank Lebeouf said Luiz wasn't actually a proper defender. Which says all you need to know.
Oliver Cromwell
10 of 10
Oliver Cromwell could also stake a claim to Luiz's place, granted, the 17th-Century political leader wasn't playing for a major football club during the eligibility period.
However, as the successful leader of the Roundheads during the English Civil War, he was very good at defending against the Cavaliers or "cavalier defending." That is, of course, something that Luiz is regularly accused of.
Get it? Bit of a stretch for that one? Yeah, probably should have stuck with Ann-Kathrin Brommel.
