The Wealdstone Raider and the 10 Greatest Football Novelty Songs
In March 2013, a clip appeared on the internet of builder Gordon Hill in a tipsy altercation at a Wealdstone FC match (NSFW link here). In recent months, the clip has found huge popularity on the Internet, bringing the Wealdstone Raider into the central spotlight of the football zeitgeist.
Now, the Raider is releasing a charity single in a bid to keep Simon Cowell's cynical hit factory from the Christmas No. 1 spot.
The new single leads our list of the greatest novelty songs to emerge from the world of football.
"Greatest," it should be noted, is a subjective term...
'Got No Fans' by The Wealdstone Raider
1 of 10What do you get if you combine an unwitting internet sensation, a good sense of humour and a 1990s dance beat? A single by the Wealdstone Raider, of course.
Regardless of your opinion of the music, you should buy a copy to help a charitable cause and to dethrone the X-Factor from Christmas No. 1.
The Raider has already made a dent in the pop charts, clocking in at number 37 on Wednesday evening (as per ITV.com).
'Wooly Bully' by Vinnie Jones and The Soul Survivors
2 of 10In 2002, Vinnie Jones assaulted the pop charts with his cover of Jim Croce’s "Big Bad Leroy Brown," but his first crack at a novelty pop hit was his version of 'Wooly Bully,' released in 1993.
Here it is in a slightly drunken live arrangement at a pub.
Suffice to say, Vinnie should have stuck to the football and informing people that he is the Juggernaut.
'This Is for Real' by The Players
3 of 10This is not a parody of a boyband. This is for real.
Over the years, Norway has given us pop perfection in the form of A-Ha and, well, that's it.
But in 2006, a gaggle of Norwegian footballers decided to add to their nation's canon of inoffensive pop with a one-off single.
Morten Gamst Pedersen led a troupe that also featured Freddy dos Santos, Raymond Kvisvik, Kristofer Haestad and Oyvind Svenning.
The sub-Backstreet Boys ballad didn't take the world by storm, but all proceeds were donated to the Red Cross.
'Hot Stuff' by Arsenal
4 of 10Back in the days when teams would always release a song before they appeared in the FA Cup Final, plenty of questionable tunes hit the airwaves.
None were quite as cheesy as Arsenal's 1998 take on Donna Summer's "Hot Stuff," which featured the squad shouting "Arsenal!" in unison over the chorus and a heady selection of rewritten lyrics.
"You're telling us we're boring, we'll just keep on scoring" is novelty football song poetry at its finest.
'Geordie Boys' by Paul Gascoigne
5 of 10One of Paul Gascoigne's most endearing qualities is that he never took himself too seriously, and nowhere was this more clear than his pop career.
Not long after the release of "Fog On The Tyne," Gazza put out a slightly less tuneful homage to his favourite region of the UK.
The former Tottenham Hotspur and Rangers star wins extra points for not wearing a t-shirt under his open tracksuit top in the video.
'Head over Heels in Love' by Kevin Keegan
6 of 10Gazza isn't the only Geordie Messiah to have a crack at a novelty song.
In 1979, somebody told Kevin Keegan it would be a good idea to get into a studio and record a version of "Head Over Heels In Love." It was not.
Keegan wins points for effort and a brilliantly 70s video, but sadly, he is probably the worst singer on this list.
'We've Got a Feeling' by Basile Boli and Chris Waddle
7 of 10What is it with players associated with the north-east and novelty songs?
In 1987, Chris Waddle made a dent on the UK pop charts with "Diamond Lights," a duet with Glenn Hoddle that was actually a great tune with a very nice Van Halen-esque guitar solo.
However, Waddle's most bizarre foray into music was his subsequent duet with Marseille teammate Basile Boli.
"We've Got a Feeling" is an absolutely bonkers pop song, with a surreal video to match.
If aliens landed and you wanted to explain to them what the 1980s was like, you would just need to show them this clip.
'Oei Oei Oei (Dat Was Me Weer Een Loei)' by Johan Cruyff
8 of 10While the Beatles, Rolling Stones and The Who were revolutionising pop music in the English-speaking world, the Netherlands were treated to Johan Cruyff belting out a very Dutch-sounding big band tune.
"Oei Oei Oei (Dat Was Me Weer Een Loei)" was released by the Dutch genius in 1969. It translates to "oh oh oh (yet another blow)" and tells the story of a cousin participating in a boxing match.
When Cruyff moved to Barcelona in 1973, the song was re-released in Spain, where, much like the player himself, it became quite popular.
'Not the Dancing Kind' by Ruud Gullit
9 of 10In 1984, Ruud Gullit had yet to really show his quality on the international stage, but he showed it in the pop charts. Kind of.
The dreadlocked forward featured on a track called "Not the Dancing Kind," which, quite appropriately, is a bit too down-tempo for dancing purposes.
Four years later, Gullit followed this up with "South Africa," an anti-apartheid song in collaboration with reggae band Revelation Time.
'Do the Right Thing' by Ian Wright
10 of 10Ian Wright made his first and last attempt at pop stardom in 1993 with "Do The Right Thing," a song that had nothing to do with the Spike Lee film of the same name and everything to do with a funky dance beat!
The song was co-written by a member of the Pet Shop Boys, who had the foresight to see that that Arsenal legend's surname sounded like the word "right."
The video, meanwhile, appears to place Wright in the middle of a children's football game held in a disco. They were more innocent times.
