Kobe Bryant Traded For Albert Pujols? Say What? (HUMOR)

Mark Scacewater@ScaceH20Analyst IJuly 24, 2009

ORLANDO, FL - JUNE 14:  Kobe Bryant #24 of the Los Angeles Lakers moves the ball against the Orlando Magic in Game Five of the 2009 NBA Finals on June 14, 2009 at Amway Arena in Orlando, Florida. The Lakers won 99-86.  NOTE TO USER:  User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. (Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)

Imagine waking up tomorrow and the front page of ESPN.com flashed "Pujols traded for Bryant", or "Lebron swapped for Peyton Manning".

If you get those annoying "Breaking News" texts from CNN.com, imagine you're sleeping peacefully at 3 A.M. and whatever text message ringer you have goes off, you wake up and see breaking news from CNN.com. You are annoyed at being woken up, but shocked to see "Sidney Crosby Traded to New England for Tom Brady".

Unfortunately that's not how trades work in the sports world, but imagine cities, not teams, made trades for star players. No salary cap ramifications, no complicated league rules, but straight up swaps between cities. It would make for some interesting scenarios.

Here is a look at 10 intriguing trades in the fantasy world of sports "city" trading.

10. Denver Nuggets SF Carmelo Anthony traded to the Dallas Cowboys for QB Tony Romo and 2 future 1st round draft picks.

Anthony instantly becomes a hybrid back in the Cowboys offense, splitting time with Felix Jones in the backfield, and occasionally taking some time at wide out. Anthony's arrival softens the loss of Terrell Owens to the Bills.

For Denver, Romo won't see much court time, but the positive publicity from he and Jessica Simpson, break up or not, will deftly deflect negative attention away from the legal issues of Chris Anderson and other problem Nuggets.

9. San Antonio Spurs PG Tony Parker traded to Los Angeles Dodgers for OF Manny Ramirez.

Parker becomes a fan favorite in LA at shortstop, in the mold of Ozzie Smith. Parker headlines SportsCenter nightly with a running cartwheel as he takes the infield. While the Spurs are hurting at point guard, Manny not only removes the "boring" theme from the Spurs that have haunted them for years, but under the strict discipline of Coach Pop Manny becomes the league leader in rebounds and charges taken.

8. New York Giants QB Eli Manning traded to Milwaukee Brewers for 1B Prince Fielder.

The Giants gain a beefy offensive lineman, while losing an established quarterback. For the Brewers, Manning becomes a clubhouse favorite but struggles to crack the regular rotation. Fielder goes on to make 6 Pro Bowls as one of the league's best lineman.

7. Orlando Magic send SG JJ Redick back to Duke in exchange for the consulting services of Coach Mike Krzyzewski.

This trade makes sense for both sides. Redick will never see the floor again now that the Magic have acquired Vince Carter, and Redick is like a cult hero at Duke. For the Magic, they receive not only salary cap relief, but who wouldn't want the consulting services of not only the Team USA Head Coach, but also a guy who takes a bunch of McDonald's All Americans every season and underachieves in the NCAA Tournament. SVG will utilize Coach K come playoff time.

6. Toronto Raptors send PF Chris Bosh, $2.5 million in cash, and two future second round draft picks to the Minnesota Vikings for RB Adrian Peterson.

While many pundits are puzzled by this trade, you have to look beneath the surface for the real value in the trade for each team.

Despite the geographical closeness, Bosh becomes the missing piece to the aerial attack of Minnesota by becoming the tallest tight end in NFL History. He proves surprisingly durable and makes the Pro Bowl in his rookie campaign.

Meanwhile, Peterson, who is built like a bull, becomes the smallest power forward in league history to average 10 points, six rebounds, and one opponent injured in every game.

5. New York Yankees trade IF Alex Rodriguez, IF Derek Jeter and four Minor Leaguers to be named later to the Boston Celtics for PF Kevin Garnett, SG Ray Allen and $8.25 million in cash.

The blockbuster of all blockbusters, this trade sends shock waves through the sports world.

The Yankees publicly state they appreciate the hard work and efforts of A—Rod and Jeter, but privately have become fed up with the steroids issue along with Jeter's partying lifestyle. For Boston, GM Danny Ainge feels like the window of opportunity has faded, and decides to get something in return before his two stars retire.

No one is sure of what position or what role anyone will play for their new team, but each team is happy with the publicity side of things.

4. Houston Rockets trade SG Tracy McGrady to Houstan Texans for future second round draft pick and $1 million cash.

The Rockets love this deal for several reasons. With Yao out for the season and Artest signing with the Lakers, the Rockets are in rebuilding mode.

This trade alleviates $20+ million from the Rockets salary cap, clearing room for the vaunted 2009—2010 NBA free agent class. The Texans intentions are less clear, but word out of the organization is the belief that T—Mac has a promising career as a kicker in the NFL.

3. Tennessee Titans trade troubled QB Vince Young to Houston Rockets for SF Shane Battier.

Since the departure of T—Mac, Houston realized they had no go to star on their team. The Rockets hope a change of sport will do wanders for Vince Young, the hometown favorite who had voiced concerns about being Kerry Collins backup for a second season.

Battier is the consummate ambassador for any team, and as athletic as he is, Jeff Fisher believes he can be a multi—way threat as a running back and long snapper.

2. In an unprecedented move, the Oakland Raiders trade owner Al Davis to Washington Wizards for SG DeShawn Stevenson.

Once this trade becomes official, Oakland makes the playoffs in their first season without the infamous mettling owner. No team has ever traded their owner before, although the Mavericks have quietly tried to do this for some time.

The Wizards shocking do not immediately buy out the contract of Davis, but instead make him a scout and send him on permanent assignment to Siberia. The Raiders, having acquired a player his peers dubbed as "Most Overrated", utilize Stevenson on their scout team until he decides to try his luck as a pro horse wrangler.

1. Los Angeles Lakers send SG Kobe Bryant and superfan Jack Nicholson to St. Louis Cardinals for slugger Albert Pujols.

This is a pure trade in the sense that each team is receiving the best player in their respective sport. Pujols provides added depth to the Lakers bench by beefing up their front line, while Bryant becomes a sensation in the outfield, reminding many of a young Ken Griffey Jr.

No extra draft picks or compensation is needed for either team, although the Staples Center is never the same without the colorful Nicholson. 


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