Roy Keane and the 10 Most Illuminating Footballer Autobiography Quotes
Roy Keane has taken time away from his Aston Villa and beard growth duties to put together The Second Half, the sequel to his 2002 autobiography.
Judging by the excerpts that have already been parsed out, there is no shortage of controversy in the Irishman's latest tome, which deals with his "self-destruct" tendencies and a drunken fight with Peter Schmeichel, as revealed by The Guardian's Daniel Taylor and BBC Sport, respectively.
The fiery former midfielder also details his exit from Manchester United and the moment he turned on Sir Alex Ferguson, exclaiming in an excerpt provided by Taylor: "We need f-----g more from you!"
In light of Keane's new literary offering, here are 10 of the best quotes from footballer autobiographies.
Zlatan Ibrahimovic
1 of 10
Zlatan Ibrahimovic's seminal autobiography I Am Zlatan is something of a literary masterpiece. Clearly not short on confidence, the Swede details his rise from being a bike thief in a rough suburb of Malmo to the title-winning megastar of today.
Zlatan's book gets off to a raucous start in the first chapter when he describes his burning hatred of Pep Guardiola, who (mis)managed him at Barcelona.
Here's his retelling of an incident during the Blaugrana's 2010 Champions League semi-final loss to Internazionale:
"Yaya Toure was there, and a few others, and then there was the metal box where we put our kit from the match, and I was staring at that box. Then I gave it a kick. I think it went flying about three metres, but I wasn’t finished yet. Not by a long chalk. I yelled, ‘You haven’t got any balls!’ and worse than that I added, ‘You’re s------g yourself in front of Mourinho. You can go to hell!’
"
He's a lively one, that Zlatan.
Ashley Cole
2 of 10
At the ripe old age of 25, Ashley Cole decided the world was ready for his autobiography My Defence.
Thanks to his odious personality and controversial switch across London from Arsenal to Chelsea, the Roma defender has never been incredibly popular among the general public, and the following excerpt did nothing to boost his image:
"'Ash! Are you listening?' said a virtually hyperventilating Jonathan [Barnett, Cole's agent]. 'I’m here in the office and David Dein is saying they aren’t going to give you £60k a week. They’ve agreed £55k and this is their best and final offer. Are you happy with that?' When I heard Jonathan repeat the figure of £55k, I nearly swerved off the road. 'He is taking the pi-s, Jonathan!' I yelled down the phone. I was so incensed. I was trembling with anger. I couldn’t believe what I’d heard.
"
And henceforth, he was known as "Cashley."
Gary Neville
3 of 10
Gary Neville's 2011 book Red pulled the curtain back on the former Manchester United star's career and contained some particularly damning passages about the national team.
The current England coach called his Three Lions career a "massive waste of time" and spoke of some strange goings-on under Glenn Hoddle at France '98, as relayed by The Guardian's Paul Chronnell.
In addition to claiming players were given energy-boosting injections before games, he revealed some of Hoddle's quirkier traits:
"One of the masseurs told me Glenn had asked the staff to walk around the pitch anti-clockwise during the game against Argentina to create positive energy. Sadly, it didn't do us much good.
"
No Gary, it did not.
Tony Cascarino
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Another man without a positive word for Glenn Hoddle was Tony Cascarino, whose 2005 book Full Time: The Secret Life of Tony Cascarino was a refreshingly honest portrait of a footballer who was wracked with self-doubt and willing to confess to numerous infidelities.
At one point in the book, he even lists how much he earned at every club he played for!
Here's a passage on Hoddle that alludes to the former Tottenham star's controversial views on reincarnation:
"[Hoddle] was probably the unfunniest man I have ever known. He was also completely besotted with himself [...] When you stepped offside with Glenn, there was nothing to do but accept your fate and hope that you returned in the next life as talented and as perfect as him.
"
Jamie Carragher
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In 2008, Jamie Carragher laid his career on the page with his tome Carra.
Like many other Englishman of his generation, the defender had controversial things to say about his time with the national team. He explained the exhausting nature of playing a summer tournament after a hard season and the relative lack of importance the shirt had for him:
"Whenever I returned home from disappointing England experiences one unshakeable, overriding thought pushed itself to the forefront of my mind, no matter how much the rest of the nation mourned.
'At least it wasn't Liverpool,' I'd repeat to myself, over and over.
The text messages of consolation I received on the coach included one from Kenny Dalglish.
'I would rather miss for England than LFC,' I wrote back.
"
Andrea Pirlo
6 of 10
Wine connoisseur, PlayStation fanatic and occasional world-class footballer Andrea Pirlo released his book I Think Therefore I Play earlier this year.
It's chock full of contemplative anecdotes, many of which are accompanied by sexual analogies:
"Being part of a team that belongs to everyone makes me feel good. A lot of the time, it’s better than sex: it lasts longer and if it falls flat, it can’t just be your fault [...] Much better to be a soldier on the pitch than in the bedroom.
"
The Juventus star also shares his disdain for pre-match warm-ups:
"It’s nothing but masturbation for conditioning coaches.
"
Alright then.
Philipp Lahm
7 of 10
Former Germany captain Philipp Lahm caused a stir in 2011 with his book Der Feine Unterschied: Wie man heute Spitzenfussballer wird (The Subtle Difference: How to Be a Top Footballer Today).
In it, the World Cup winner lambasted former managers including Felix Magath, Louis van Gaal, Rudi Voller and Jurgen Klinsmann, with the latter getting some particularly harsh prose:
"All the players knew after about eight weeks that it would not work under Klinsmann. The rest of the campaign was only about damage control.
Essentially we only did fitness training under him and there was very little tactical discussion. The players talked among themselves how they would play before a game.
"
Harry Redknapp
8 of 10
Harry Redknapp may have told a court that he could not write or spell, but that didn't stop the QPR boss publishing his autobiography in 2013.
In the book Always Managing, Redknapp seemed particularly aggrieved with the Football Association for snubbing him for the England manager gig:
"I wouldn’t trust the FA to show me a good manager if their lives depended on it. How would they know? What clubs have they ever run? Who do they speak to who really knows the game?
This isn’t about them giving the England job to me or Roy Hodgson, but English football being run by people who really haven’t got a clue. And they get to pick the England manager!
"
Len Shackleton
9 of 10
During a career that spanned the 1940s and 1950s, Len Shackleton earned a reputation as "The Clown Prince of Soccer" for his on-pitch antics (pretending to comb his hair as he dodged defenders, playing a one-two with a corner flag, etc.).
In his 1956 autobiography, the former Sunderland forward titled a chapter "The Average Director's Knowledge of Football." It consisted of a blank page with the following footnote:
It's not technically a quote, but sometimes you need to say nothing to really say something.
Roy Keane
10 of 10
It seems only right that Roy Keane should bookend this article with an excerpt from his first autobiography, released in 2002.
One of its most controversial passages describes a revenge-fuelled tackle on Manchester City's Alf-Inge Haaland in the 1997-98 season:
"I'd waited long enough. I f----g hit him hard. The ball was there (I think). Take that you c--t. And don't ever stand over me sneering about fake injuries.
"
For admitting an intent to hurt the player, Keane received a £150,000 fine and a five-game ban.
