Aint Gonna Happen Cub Fans

Matt AnayaContributor IJune 3, 2009

CHICAGO - MAY 27: Starting pitcher Carlos Zambrano #38 of the Chicago Cubs throws his glove into the dugout after being thrown out of a game in the 7th inning against the Pittsburgh Pirates on May 27, 2009 at Wrigley Field in Chicago, Illinois. The Cubs defeated the Pirates 5-2. (Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images)

Every Cubs fan’s favorite saying is: “It’s Gonna Happen.”

Well, it ain’t gonna happen this year.

After last night’s pathetic loss to the mediocre Atlanta Braves, I can fairly say the Cubs will not win the World Series this season.

Teams like the Yankees, Red Sox, Tigers, Phillies, Rays, Rangers, Mets, Cardinals, and Dodgers would make quick work of the Cubs if they played in the post-season.

Hell, I don't even think the Cubs would score a run against any of those teams. Remember, they could not score a run against a pathetic San Diego club.

Face it, the Cubs stink.

They have a dreadful bullpen (e.g. Neal Cotts, Kevin Gregg, Aaron Heilman, David Patton, Jose Ascanio), an anemic offense (e.g., Milton Bradley, Mike Fontenot, Derek Lee, and an injured Aramis Ramirez), and their supposed ace (Zambrano) is terrible.

I have no idea why Kevin Gregg is still the team’s closer. He has proven time after time he is more likely to blow the save than get the save. For some reason, Lou likes having their best relief pitch in the eighth inning and not when the game needs to end.

I am not dumb. I understand there are important outs in the seventh and eighth innings, but Kevin Gregg cannot close the game out – which is more important.

The Cubs need to make a move for some bullpen help. However, good relievers are rarely available, and every team in MLB needs more bullpen depth.

The Cubs have the third highest payroll in MLB and they are depressing to watch on offense. I get excited when I see runners on second base.

I ask my friends, “What is Derek Lee doing on second base?”

I have a nickname for Derek Lee: 6-4-Lee—in honor of his propensity to hit tailor made double plays. Great nickname.

You typically invest the majority of your money in your pitching staff, but the Cubs have invested over half in their offense, namely Soriano, Ramirez, Lee, Fukudome, Bradley. And they are responsible for scoring zero runs in a three game series in San Diego.

Zero ... runs ... in ... San Diego.

The Padres are terrible. The Padres will have a top five pick in next year’s draft. The Padres payroll is $43 million. Fukudome, Lee, and Soriano make a combined $42.75.

Why do you invest the majority of your money in pitching? Because pitching wins championships, like duh, dude.

The Milton Bradley acquisition has backfired, as he has done nothing all season and everyone’s favorite Cub (my least favorite), Carlos Zambrano has spent more time on the DL or suspended list than on the field. If he cared about being an ace or winning ballgames he would not act like a four-year-old. Excuse me, a six-year-old.

BTW, Zambrano is making $18.75 million this season.

One word: Robbery.

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He is an expensive fan-favorite.

Not this season, Cub fans.