Sidney Crosby: All the NHL @$$ Kissing Won't Win You the Cup, Little Guy

MR. MARKCorrespondent IJune 2, 2009

Sorry to say, but the NHL's poster boy won't win the Cup this year.

As a hardcore Detroit Red Wings fan, I couldn't be any happier myself.

You guys remember when the Red Wings dominated in 1997 and 1998? Ah, those were the days.

The Colorado Avalanche and the Red Wings would go back and forth as the superior franchise. Ultimately, I'd say that Detroit got the better of the Avs, even though they gave us one hell of a ride. Don't forget about the Dallas Stars either—the dominating forces of Derian Hatcher, Ed Belfour, and Mike Modano dueled with Detroit.

But through it all, I've always respected the two teams with my heart. Both those teams won Stanley Cups along with the Red Wings within that era, and I'm pretty proud of the battles they've had with Detroit.

Then suddenly one day, a stupid little Canadian boy had to show up. He’d transform the league forever, and is the very face of the new NHL itself.

Although my most favorite Stanley Cup for Detroit is probably 1998, followed closely by 2002, the most satisfying would have to be last year's domination over the poopy little Penguins.

If you're not a fan of Crosby, you know he's the equivalent of that little guy at your local pool who keeps splashing others, but immediately screams to authorities when he's getting splashed on.

Seriously, you'd like to get your hands on that kid, but you know you'd get in big time trouble if you did.

That's why last year's Stanley Cup was so satisfying. Not only did it re-establish the Wings as Champions within the new NHL, but watching Crosby helplessly get his own little acorns shoved up his extra Canadian fanny was so rewarding.

And this time it's no different.

All you've heard time and time again was how Crosby and the Pens would redeem themselves and become the new Stanley Cup Champs (Blah, Blah, Blah).

There was this article about how the Game One board bounces for Detroit were not fair, and that it’s somehow wrong for a Stanley Cup game to be decided that way.

Another article talked about "Symmetry in Sports," and how the Pens would easily win this series 5-1.

I do like the fact that the same two teams are in the Cup again, but come on. Are you serious? 5-1, Detroit loses?

I know that many NHL fans are just simply annoyed by Crosby.

Maybe it's the way he acts as a cool, confident guy. Yet during games, he shows fits of frustration and gets all pissy.

Yeah, not utter anger, hatred, or uncontrollable rage. More like your little sister's tamper tantrum's when her thirteen year old self meets Ms. Menstrual Cycle for the first time.

Or maybe he is so annoying simply because of his "playoff" beard.

Or, it could be because all the little girls and prepubescent puck bunnies think he's so cute.

Man this is the National Hockey League! Not Disney Channel, High School Musical, Hannah Montana, or Frat Boy Community College.

No, no, no. I know the real reason why he's so annoying.

This guy was spoiled by the media, and the NHL, and watching him squeal during crunch time is priceless.

If there is one guy I detest more than Crosby himself, it's NBC's Pierre McGuire. In both of the two Stanley Cup games, McGuire asked Henrik Zetterberg about Crosby.

The funny thing is that Crosby was already asked questions on the other side, but McGuire had to insult Zetterberg with obnoxious questions.

Two times.

In a row.

But it's okay. The Detroit Red Wings will spank Canada's golden boy once again, and there's nothing the NHL can do about it.

And how about that Hossa!


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